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jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:13 PM

O.k. so I'm going to just come right out and say this... I have trust issues with my boyfriend, not because of anything he's ever done but because of stuff in the past, and I've been working on it. One thing that's been bothering me though that I am afraid to bring up with him is this:

He went somewhere with friends for a weekend and when he got back he told me he was at a bar and a woman approached him asking him to go back to her room with him to do all sorts of things and he said no, and she asked him if he was gay and he said no he was just already spoken for.

I know I should believe this but something in the back of my head is like "wow, how did he resist that?" especially since my boyfriend is a little bit of a horny dude. I guess what I want to know is if you all think I'm overreacting and should believe him and let it go or if I should bring it up with him again and how.

kctiger · Mar 3, 2009, 02:18 PM

I don't think he would have told you about the situation had he actually took this woman up on her offer...

But, on the other hand, (and no I am not saying he cheated), I really don't find the point as to why he told you this anyway... I am assuming he did it to prove to you that he isn't the type of guy to cheat on people.

kp2171 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:27 PM

I don't see anything in your post that is a red flag.

If anything, he is anxious to "prove" himself to you.

So... please explain more about the details of the past if we need it for perspective.

Otherwise... why tear yourself apart?

My wife is gorgeous and sexy as sin. She is going to get hit on by men. Its just how it is.

I'm not pi$$ed that guys like her or offer her their room keys when she's traveling.

I'm glad she is true to me. Period.

So... again, is there more info we need to know about him or about your past?

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 02:29 PM

Please see other post as well

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ff-324516.html

jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:33 PM

My dad was (might still be) a compulsive cheater. He cheated on my mom all the time and he's cheated on my step-mom already. I have "daddy" issues, I realize that. Another thing in my past... I had an ex-boyfriend who I thought was committed to me and faithful to me and everything but I found out it was all a lie and he cheated on me and got her pregnant... So that has kind of scared me because now sometimes I feel like I can't decipher a truth between a lie.

kctiger · Mar 3, 2009, 02:35 PM

Don't base your opinion of men off the behaviors of two un-classy gentlemen (and I use that term very loosely). It is all right to protect yourself, but don't let your past ruin your future... but, judging by your boyfriends behavior, perhaps he is cheating, and perhaps you are attracting the wrong crowd.

cdoggy · Mar 3, 2009, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by jb1111

He went somewhere with friends for a weekend and when he got back he told me he was at a bar and a woman approached him asking him to go back to her room with him to do all sorts of things and he said no, and she asked him if he was gay and he said no he was just already spoken for.

My interpretation of that story is that he is almost trying to impress you that he dident do anything. When I am dating someone and on the rare occasion someone hits on me I don't tell her, not out of hiding it but that it really means nothing so what's the point. I think he is just trying to prove to you he has had opportunities to do it but dident.

I think you are going a little over the line, but you are still within reason as you seem to have an idea that he would do it. Which is not a good thing. You need trust in each other to make it work.

jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 02:40 PM

Yea you're telling me! I've been trying really hard to just trust him... since he's never given me any reason not to. Maybe it was just a new way of trying to reassure me since every other way he's tried hasn't really worked so far. He's put up with my paranoia for a long time and I have to give him props for that. Should I just let it go and not think anymore of it?

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by jb1111

Yea you're telling me! I've been trying really hard to just trust him....since he's never given me any reason not to. Maybe it was just a new way of trying to reassure me since every other way he's tried hasn't really worked so far. He's put up with my paranoia for a long time and I have to give him props for that. Should I just let it go and not think anymore of it?

This issue doesn't seem very significant, but a boyfriend who needs whole weekends without you around is an issue of great significance. That is giving you a reason not to trust him. He is telling you that you are good enough to spend time with when there isn't anything going on, but that he wants his weekends to be out without you. That is a HUGE RED FLAG to me and not a great indicator of a good relationship.

jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 03:09 PM

Oh sorry didn't mean to make it seem like he's gone every weekend and never sees me on the weekends... He leaves sometimes for a weekend to go skiing with friends or other places... usually when someone asks him to. So it's not like he's just leaving me on the weekends like I'm nothing. He doesn't ask me to go with him because I don't know how to skii and am not really interested in learning (I'm more of the snowmobiling type) and sometimes he doesn't ask me to go out because of age (I'm under 21, he's over 21) but he does say he wished I could be there with him usually... Anyways, when he's not gone for a weekend he's spending it with me... if he isn't gone for a weekend and goes out one night with friends, the rest of the weekend is spent with me... he spends a lot of his time with me so I'm sure he wants some space every now and then.

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 03:15 PM

Well that is healthy behavior from a boyfriend.

Are you not hanging out with your friends enough or doing activities that you like to do solo. It is so beneficial to make your own arrangements on his "guys" nights so that you aren't counting minutes since you heard from him last.

jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 03:15 PM

Oh sorry didn't mean to make it seem like he's gone every weekend and never sees me on the weekends... He leaves sometimes for a weekend to go skiing with friends or other places... usually when someone asks him to. So it's not like he's just leaving me on the weekends like I'm nothing. He doesn't ask me to go with him because I don't know how to skii and am not really interested in learning (I'm more of the snowmobiling type) and sometimes he doesn't ask me to go out because of age (I'm under 21, he's over 21) but he does say he wished I could be there with him usually... Anyways, when he's not gone for a weekend he's spending it with me... if he isn't gone for a weekend and goes out one night with friends, the rest of the weekend is spent with me... he spends a lot of his time with me so I'm sure he wants some space every now and then.

jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 03:16 PM

Maybe I'm not spending enough time with friends and spending too much time thinking about when I heard from him last...

jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 03:17 PM

Didn't mean to post that one response twice, sorry! :-P

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 03:17 PM

Exactly :D

jb1111 · Mar 3, 2009, 03:18 PM

So I guess it's really nothing to worry about then... jeeze... I get myself worked up about a lot of things for nothing... ugggh

cdoggy · Mar 3, 2009, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by jb1111

Yea you're telling me! I've been trying really hard to just trust him....since he's never given me any reason not to. Maybe it was just a new way of trying to reassure me since every other way he's tried hasn't really worked so far. He's put up with my paranoia for a long time and I have to give him props for that. Should I just let it go and not think anymore of it?

You can't just sit there and stay paranoid that's no way to live. Let it go and only come back to it if you have any proof or real problems to deal with it.