Check out some similar questions!

brokenhearted1515 · Mar 3, 2009, 09:34 AM

I know the answer I should pick her over him. But there's more to the story, and I am wondering if my friend is really a friend at all. First and foremost, My best and the guy dated for a few weeks, about a year ago, it wasn't serious, and weren't in a relationship.

I recently bought a snowmobile and had no one to go with, she suggested that I call the guy (he snowmobiles too) and go sledding with him. I did. We have been going away every weekend. She had kept telling me how I should go for him, that we are perfect for each other, at this point I only liked him as a friend. She had told me that he liked me, and was telling him to make a move on me. Recently she had a break down because her and her boyfriend broke up... I was completely by her side for 2 weeks. Then we were over at this guys house for a hot tub, and while my back was turned she asked him to have sex with her. At this time she changed her mind and told me that it made her feel uncomfortable that we hung out (her idea in first place), accused me of sneaking around her back with him, so without question, I completely stopped talking to him. Which pissed him off. Then she gets back with her boyfriend, and changed her mind and said it was OK. So we started hanging again. And she starts again with "you guys should hook up" bull.

So now I am seeing him, and she won't stop with inconsiderate comments. Telling me about when they were together, and what he likes and doesn't like, that she left a vibrater at his house and I can have it if I want, that he used to rub her bum until she feel asleep, asking if I threw out her bathing suit yet in a jealous rage? Was this necassary? Would it be common sense not to say these things? I very polietly tried to explain to her that when she makes comments like this is makes me feel uneasy. AM I WRONG FOR SAYING SOMETHING? I have to deal with the fact that they were together at one point, and I don't need it constantly rubbed in my face. Well she flipped on me. Told me that she didn't have time for this stupidity and that she was sick of me, and that I was selfish. This wasn't suppose to be a huge fight, I just wanted her to know how her comments affected my feelings. (the same way she did two weeks prior and I didn't even hesitate... and I am not asking her not to talk to him or hang with... I just want some consideration, in what she's saying to me.) She hangs up on me and send me very hurtfull messages, the last one saying,

"if you want to drop off my vibrator and bathing suit please feel free" - this is what got me, I explained to her that some comments hurt me, maybe that weren't said to intentionally hurt me. But then she purposely says them again. To delibratly hurt me. Why?

I didn't ask for this, I wasn't looking to hook up, it just kind of happened, and it was her idea in the first place. She says go for it, I go for it, then she says no, so I stop... I don't know what am I suppose to do. Is she going to ask me to stop again when her and her boyfriend break up again? Why am I allowing her to control my life?

I think my main question is do i even want to be friends with someone that delibratly took shots at me to hurt me? (After I have been there for her, countless times, I have never asked that girl for anything, and have done so much for her, all I wanted was some consideration, the same I just gave her, and she's acting like I asked for her first born) Do I want to be friends with someone that would go behind my back and try to sleep with someone that there hooking me up with? Ohh and she dated a guy I was with for a year, I didn't say a word to her, I was considerate of her feelings. Please help.

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by brokenhearted1515

I know the answer I should pick her over him.

I don't agree. He isn't in the wrong here, she is. I don't know your age to tell you how this will work out, as it really seems like high school problems, but your best bet is for the time being to write her out of your life. She may come around, she may not, but her behavior is saying a lot of things, but it's not saying "friends".

posey_84 · Mar 3, 2009, 09:47 AM

Well she's obviously not over this guy even though they only dated for 3 weeks! She sounds very immature and selfish. If you really like the guy and want to give your relationship a go I would end the friendship with her because its only going to be toxic to your relationship. Actually to be honest I would end the friendship anyway because asking a guy your kind of dating to sleep with her is just uncalled for! Not the actions of a true 'friend' at all. I don't think she sounds mature enough or emotionally stable enough to reason with or try to work at a friendship with xx

brokenhearted1515 · Mar 3, 2009, 09:51 AM

The both of us are 25 and he is 30. If that helps at all. I didn't want this to turn into a fight, nor did I imagine that it would come to this. I figured we are both adults and should be able to resolve things. I pictured that the converstaion would have gone as follows:

Me: Listen I just wanted to let you know that something's have been bothering me... etc etc.

Her: Ok I will respect your feelings, as you have mine.

Simple... or so I thought. :(

We have been friends for over 13 years... and I never thought it would come to this, but then again, I feel like its my fault for allowing her to walk all over me over the years.

spitvenom · Mar 3, 2009, 09:53 AM

Friends come and go BF/GF come and go. It is your job to figure out who stays and goes. Sounds like she might not be worth keeping around.

brokenhearted1515 · Mar 3, 2009, 09:53 AM

Yea before I was thinking I am going to have to choose... but after her delibrately hurtfull comments... its changed to do I want to even be her friend. If its not this guy... who else?

brokenhearted1515 · Mar 3, 2009, 09:55 AM

I thought that too... maybe she isn't over him. And that's why she's is being hurtful, but come on, she's the one that did this. And she has a boyfriend, who apparently she thinks is the one. So I don't get it.

spitvenom · Mar 3, 2009, 09:58 AM

Now that we know your age tell her High school ended a LONG time ago and if your attitude is still that of a high school sophomore then there is no need for us to be friends.

posey_84 · Mar 3, 2009, 10:05 AM

Yeah I can't believe she's 25!! I'm 25 and wouldn't dream of going on like that, I thought she was like 17! I think your friendship has run its course and she proved she's not worth keeping around x

posey_84 · Mar 3, 2009, 10:08 AM

And it really doesn't matter if she's over him or not. If she isn't then she should have been adult enough to say 'look I'm a little uncomfortable with this so I'm going to stay away while he's around for a couple weeks until I get my head around it' NOT 'U CAN DROP OFF MY VIBRATOR!' by the way, she dated him for 3 weeks and left her vibrator there??

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 10:14 AM

I am floored that you are 25 as well. Definitely HIGH SCHOOL drama sounding. I would let it go and walk away. Maybe she will realize in a short while how utterly childish and irresponsible her behavior is. If she values your friendship she will find a way to apologize for being so selfish and dramatic. For now, I would go my own way.

suddenImpact · Mar 3, 2009, 10:16 AM

Date the guy, ditch the girl. If you want to be her friend still, just tell her point blank, stop with the bull, or move out of my life. I could understand a little if she dated the guy for years, but a few weeks I wouldn't even really consider dating.. more of a fling. Don't punish the guy or yourself because she is getting mad... go on, have fun, and be happy!

brokenhearted1515 · Mar 3, 2009, 10:20 AM

I have a problem with forgiveness, I don't really know how to. How do I forgive someone and want to be there friend if the purposly hurt me. I don't have time for people like that. It makes me really sad that she would do this. And over something so stupid. After 13 years, I feel kind of broken up about it. But I can't let her walk all over me anymore. And the poor guy feels awful... he feels like he ruined a friendship... but I am starting to see that its not the situation at hand as much as it is the principal. Just very sad that's all. And I think I am still in a bit of shock that she would hurt me on purpose.

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 10:22 AM

Only time will tell. You don't even know if she would try to repair the relationship, you don't know if you would want her to, there are a lot of who knows... What you do know is for right now, her friendship means nothing. Figure the rest out when and if it happens.

posey_84 · Mar 3, 2009, 10:35 AM

listen I'm 25 too and just after xmas had to end a friendship with someone close to me. We had been friends 8 years but it still hurt and I done for the same reason - I can't forgive someone for delibratley hurting me. Our fall out was over something ridiculous that she blew out of proportion too to be honest but it proved that she obviously didn't value me much as a friend and even though I was hurt at the time I honestly feel as though a weight has been lifted from me xx

sportsfan888 · Jun 24, 2013, 04:49 PM

OK, here is the deal. It sounds to me like your so called best friend is extremely selfish and is not worthy of your friendship. You basically answered your own question throughout your entire story. When the chips were down for her, you were there to support her. When the tables were turned, not only was she not considerate of your feelings, even though the situation you guys put yourself in by dating the same guy was bound to be awkward, but she takes every opportunity to take a jab at you even after expressing your feelings. There are so many people out there to date, it is just not worth the drama of dating anybody one of your close friends has dated. Now a one night stand hook up, maybe, but will still be awkward whenever you are around. Anyway, I say move on and if she is a true friend, she will realize how obnoxious she is being and she will come to you with an apology.