[montanabln]

My lover of one year in my view suffers from depression. We live in different cities and see each other at the most once a month.The periods together are beautiful and the time between is a roller coaster of feelings. I have noticed following:
1. Not dealt with parents passing away over 5 years ago and refuses to talk about it and home is full of parent possessions.
2.Blocks contact and blocks emmotions during periods apart.
3.Every 5-6 weeks seeks illogical reasons to block-destroy contact and to finish relationship.
4.Each break up is per mail with always a line which shows he actually still wants to continue relationship.
5.Each excuse become harder
6.Does not except blame.
7.Wants to see me but always put new parametres on freindship and relationship.
8.Seems to need to blame me for something to be able to cope in his own world.

Do not want to hurt or emmotionally cause harm and realise I am not a doctor and want to remain attentive and aware and at the same time need to lose the good times when he is not digging out conflict.

Question: How do you deal with some modd swings and keep the contact as positive as possible?

Thanks

[Ren6]

Is your lover seeking help for his depression? I understand that mental illness is a difficult thing to deal with, but the ill person still has a responsibility to address their illness. Is he seeing a psychotherapist? Taking medication to address his depression? Don't accept his depression as an excuse for bad behavior. If he isn't doing the above, it's time to jump off the roller coaster.

If he is working to address his issues, and the good times are worth it to you, here's one strategy. When he's in one of his swings, work at not letting it affect you. Go out and do things you enjoy. Don't let him pull you down with him. During those periods of "no contact", don't attempt contact. I was involved for many years with a depressed person. We lived together, so there was no "blocked contact" or break ups, but I had to learn to not let her mood affect me too much. It can be done.

Take care...