[l1ttlemiss]

:confused:

We've been living together for 6 years and the r'ship has mostly been wonderful. We love each others company and do lots of fun things together. He doesn't really go out much and always says he likes being home with me. I have never controlled his social life and have always encouraged him to go out with mates and have fun. I never ask where he is or what he is doing. He has never taken this up however.

In the last few months he has become a little distant and doesn't pay much attention to me. He has been VERY busy with work, 12+ hour days! I admit I have been a little needy and I do have depression issues and it came to a boiling point 2 weeks ago. We had a huge fight and I broke down. I have now sought help and I am dealing with these issues separately from our relationship.

He has now asked for space and went to his parents for a few nights to clear his head. On coming home he is willing to work on this but on Sunday just passed he had a "freak out" and said he wasn't sure if he wants to get married and is confused as he feels like life is passing him by and he needs to find himself and isn't sure he can with me.

I offered to move out, to which he said we can't afford that and that isn't what he means. I suggested I move into the spare room and we live like roomies for a while and that too was rejected. He also thinks we're in different places and I want different things to him [perhaps marriage and kids] but this isn't true with me. Also he thinks he is holding me back from life.

I have thanked him for expressing to me what he is confused about. We had a really calm talk, actually I mostly just listened, about it all and he seems quite relieved that I don't hold any of this against him.

I also explained that I have felt the same way and even though I love him with all my heart the prospect of marriage is still a little scary and I sometimes wonder if this is the right decision.

He still shows me affection and gives me a kiss goodbye each morning. However, I do not sms and I barely email unless it is something I need to let him know of in a practical sense.

Also he still agree's to paying for my things, such as a new gym membership[i thought this woulc be a good way to give him alone time at home] but this isn't from HIS money I just have my pay go into his account.

So it seems he is very confused but isn't quite ready to end it. I did ask if that is what he wanted but he has said it's too soon and would be silly to just throw it all away.

On the one had he is pushing me away and then other is drawing me back. Is it just cold feet, extreme confusion, another girl? I want to help but how do you give space with you live together and have such an established life?

[asking]

I agree that something is not right.

Also, his comment about his not being able to afford for you to move out is revealing.

What do you mean your pay goes into his account?
Do you not have access to the money you have coming in, so he has to pay for things for you? This is not a joint account you can access? You don't have your own account?

I'm not ignoring the rest of your question. But this is important.

[TrueFaith]

Hmm.. my view is. If you don't want to get married you tell your partner. You do not say.. I need space. And I can't deal with you right now..

Which is what he seems to be doing..

My advice. Brake it off with him. There is no point in waiting around for someone else to make up there mind. It is a huge waste of time.

If he has these feelings. Then you say OK.. if that is how you feel. Then we will break up. None of that roommate crap because honestly love

That gets messy quick trust me..

Move out go to your parents. Or if the house is yours. Tell him to move out. But you must leave him alone. For this just sounds like a guy wanting to brake away

And the more you work at it. The more silly you will feel. If and when the relationship ends.

I do think people need time to think. I agree with that. But what I don't agree with is. You needed to be around all that mess while he sorts out his issues.

You love him yes. But he has told you that he wants space. Thus meaning he does not want your support...

So leave him. For a few weeks. See how he takes it.

Because if you love someone.. you don't want them out of your site. Even if you are conflicted... that's the time you draw strength from one another.. isn't it?

All this sounds very wrong. His actions are not of a guy that is... (freaked out about marriage and kids)

These are the actions of a guy doubting a relationship he is in


Regards