[Dunkonya21]

First of all this will be my first post here and just wanted to say Hi and thanks in advance.

Well here's my problem I have been dating my girlfriend for about 1.5 years and things have been good and it's been up and like any relationship. Through out our relationship she has lived with me and things have been good. Well since this past December things have been really stressful around the house. To give a little information I'm 19 and she's is 18 and I currently still live with my mom I'm pretty much like her caregiver just without the title.

So anyway It's just been rough and at times I make the mistake of taking my stress out on her kind of using her as my punching bag. Not literally but just I don't know she's my support when things get tough and I need someone to lean onto.

Well here's where the problem kicks in. She left the state to go be with her brother and spend time with him. And while she was up there, there was barely any conversation at all. I mean barely a goodmorning or goodnight. Just a few texts here and there. She ended up coming back and when she did I was like did you want to come over? Or hang out? And she was like well I don't know probably. And I'm like OK.. And she said ill let you know... and I would be the one to always call and ask if she made up her mind or anything like that. And that's been going on for like a couple of days. On valentines day, now to remind you I still haven't seen here since she came back and that was prob. 3 days. So on the v-day I thought maybe I'll do something different and go up to here house and bring here some flowers and a card and gift. So I decided to go up there un announced..

That's something I rarely ever do. So I go up there and she's not home. I call here and she's at a friends babysitting because her friend just had a baby. To make a long boring story short I finally seen her and talk to her and find out what's going on and she said that She's depressed and doesn't want to talk about it. And of course I'm a guy and I want to know what's wrong and she blames it on the stress at my house, But I know 100% fact that's not it.

She's the type of girl that won't give me a straight answer if she thinks I'll get mad or w/e. And when something is bothering her she is like a rock There's no piercing through to find out anything unless she wants to. And trust me I'm not trying to force anything out just I care about her and don't want her hurting. So I finally get her to spill it out and she told me she's depressed because of her life. And that her junior year and senior She hasn't been able to hang out with her friends and have a "life".

I know the friends thing is the main issue and she wants to be with them but it's now affecting me and her because I can't even spend time with her. It's like now a days I have to beg to be with her. And Idk just feel really down and crappy because of this. And now there's really no communication between us at all and we live 15 min away. For example like last night we were texting and then she just didn't write back and no weren't argueing and around 10ish I said goodnight. I haven't received anything and it's the next day and she's out of school. And this girl has her phone on her 24/7

Right now I just don't know what to do. I know things won't be back to normal, meaning her back living with me and stuff like that. And she didn't say anything about her needing space but that's what I think she needs is space. And I respect That she wants to be with her friends and enjoy the high school life. But the thing I'm still working with her is the trust factor, During the summer we argued a lot and just wasn't happy and she went out of town and I broke up with her and she found a boyfriend within 3 days.. and I regretted breaking up with her and was hoping to talk about it when she got back. But yea I'm just lost and really need to know what to do for us to be happy... I know give her space right now but its just hard and I'm just tired of looking pathetic begging my girlfriend to hang out.

[chuff]

It sounds like she's growing in a different direction in her life. If she pulls away you pull away.

[Dunkonya21]

It's funny that I write this today and say how I haven't talked to her, The reason why I say that is because when I wrote this it was around 3pm and I got a text message from her asking if I want her to come over and as I think about it maybe the only thing she needs is just space. For me to back and not be so controlling.

I read from another post on this site from I believe the username was "chery" and she said something that stuck with me. She said something that you don't own your partner and need to stop having that behavior. Which trust me I wasn't bad or anything the thing I would do is get mad because she's hanging with her friends. I know it's wrong but at least I'm admitting to that. But as I said I'm just kind of confused maybe right now its just best to give her her own space? I guess I'm second guessing myself. But I knew things were going down and just felt as things were going to end up where we need to take a "break".

But I don't know if you guys could help me I would really appreciate it.

[chuff]

I don't think you're a bad guy at all. But you are young and so is she. She just got a taste of "freedom" when she went out of town to visit her brother. She's growing and becoming a different person and she found out there is a world out there and she wants to explore it. She's pulling back so that means you have to pull back as well. You have to find something to occupy your time besides her. You have to pull away.

[Luscious Leo]

The end of a saga... move on brother

[Dunkonya21]

So you guys don't think that there's any chance with us if we just both learn how to be in a "healthy" relationship? I know she really cares about me and we both don't want to lose each other. But she is really hard to communicate with. She's not really close to her mom and the dad isn't at all in picture. And her mom is kind of well not really a figure to look up to when it comes to men.

I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything but I don't think she knows how to be in a relatonship. And yes we are both young and I know the odds of us surviving. But I guess my sub question is how do I help her get better communicating skills?

[Luscious Leo]

Dude, she got another guy in less than a week, heck, less than 5 days within you dumping her, obviously she wasn't too heartbroken by it. I know you're hurt, and lovelorn and you don't think anyone can understand how you feel. 95% of people in the entire world will go through what you are going through at least once in their lives. It does't sound like it's meant to be. It seems like you've done your part, she didn't do hers. She's not the one for you.

[Luscious Leo]

Throw in the towel, and take a 15 minute break before going back in the game.

[Dunkonya21]

Well the reason why I say bad advice is because any other person would say move on find better etc etc. I know what I'm about to ask is something that I shoudnt want and makes me look stupid. But I'm stupidly in love. So just to get that out the way.

Me and my girlfriend well ex now we broke up yesterday. It was really bad how we did. I ended up finding out she was seeing another guy since 1/29/09. And well I found out yesterday. So I took all of her stuff to her house and that was that. Lets just say we ended up giving each other the bird and sped off.

Were both young and have a lot of growing up to do. And like I said I know I sound stupid to anyone else that reads this. Well through out our whole relationship ( 2 years) Whenever there was a serious fight or we take a break I've always been there or always made the 1st call to her. I'm pretty much like the nice guy and a door mat for girls and that's something I'm going to be working on as I have know this new status of being single.

The girl is very dependent on others and this past January she just been really depressed and dealing with a lot of issues. I mean a lot of different issues and I'm not saying what she did was right or giving her a excuse. So what I'm saying is she doesn't know how to be a girlfriend because she's never been in a serious relationship other then me. I was her longest and most serious relationship. She even used to live with me. And I could tell she was unexperienced on how a "real" relationship should be. I'm saying I've been perfect guy but I definitely didn't do anything like this.

I'm sure right now, I'ts only been the next day she is miserable as like I am now. I;m sure she's thinking well I still have him, he will come texting me sooner or later. And its going to be a huge shock that I'm not going to be texting her or seeing her at all. I gave all her stuff back to her so there wouldn't be any excuses why we need to see each other.

Anyway here's the "bad" advice that I need. Well I'll start with telling you what I'm going to do. Well first I'm not going to make any communication with her. If she contacts me well then I don't know it depends on how long it's been and I'm sure if she does contact me it will be through a text and I wouldn't even know what to say to be honest. I know the relationship she's in has been fine because she's had me there and been able to have this new thing and still have old faithful. Trust me during this time I will be working on getting over her and try to get things situated in my life.

So I guess what I'm asking is how do I get her back in my life... well get her back to where she wants to be with me and work through things. I know it will have to be no contact and stuff like that but just I don't know how long it should be or if I should let her suffer ( if she txts) and yea I really don't have much experience with this.

So please I would like only advice on what I asked I know I should move on I know there are better girls out there. Regardless of loving her or not if I don't see her of course my feeling are going to slowly fade away. I just would like to know how I should go along with this to get her wanting me back.. And what are the chances that she is going to contact me?

[shazamataz]

I'm sorry, I skimmed the whole story but after reading this:
"I ended up finding out she was seeing another guy since 1/29/09"
All I could think was you seem like a really really nice guy to be coming here asking for advice, and you genuinely love her but buddy... you can do better...

[Dunkonya21]

I know it's long message just a lot to say. And I know the right advice is that to move on and stuff. But right now I know myself and just really stubborn and having hope is really the only thing from driving me crazy.

[shazamataz]

Yeah, sorry about being so blunt but I've been down the same path, I forgave him and took him back then he just did it again.. . now I don't know how I put up with it, I've found a new guy and I'm a thousand times happier.

But honestly, if it's always you that makes the first call when you have a fight and it's always you having to do things to make it up to her... wait... see what she does, it will be a real test of how much she needs you or whether it's a 1 sided relationship.

But yeah, don't just go on my advice, give it a bit and I'm sure there will be a lot of people on here contradicting me.

[Dunkonya21]

Well yea when I wrote this my first thought is wow everyone is just going to bash me and say move on loser get over it! But yea its always been me to make the calls and stuff and just I don't know how its going to be because there's no way I'm calling her first. Just I don't know like you said if she really cares she will understand that she made a mistake.

And it's not going to be she texts me and I'm going to be I miss you blah blah blah I just want to get to the point where she Truely wants me back. Then work from there.

[shazamataz]

Yes, that is the perfect way to think of it. Sounds like she needs to understand that she can't just get away with things and everything will be fine because you will take her back right away.
No-one is going to bash you for it, when I broke up with my boy I locked myself in my room for a week I was so upset, I couldn't even go to work, then something just snapped and I went 'hang on... he cheated on me'
I hope I helped a little.
Keep us posted on how it goes :)

[Dunkonya21]

Yea I'm just confused on what I should do when she does contact me and how I should go about it.I guess it really depends on when she does contact me.

[A4Effort]

NO CONTACT is your best friend. I just went through a break up and it worked miracles for me. When she calls or contacts you in any way, just ignore her.

You do not deserve this. You a better than this and deserve better. Take time to yourself to heal. Use this time to be with friends, have fun, and enjoy life as a single person for a while. Do not call her and move on. You will find someone who is better and will treat you well. I know this is hard to hear since you just want to get back with her. Throughout this no contact you will make mistakes as have I (plenty of times). Just stay strong and man up.

[Dunkonya21]

Yes it's very hard to hear and I'm just still in shock since this has happened like 12 hours ago... I know the no contact rule but just like u said I do want to be with her and I just need to know how to get her to the point where she really understands what she did and learn how to deal with relationship lows.

I know its bad advice that's why I put it in there, Just wondering if anyone has gone through this and knows how to get the person back to wanting you and willing to to work it out.

I know right now if there was contact I would make a lot of mistakes since there's such high emotions.

[A4Effort]

Here read this. I know its long but it is this is my process.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-322039.html

Basically, I was destroyed when she left me. I didn't know how do deal with it. You can read about the high's and the low's. Also, towards the end you find out how I she came back. It will answer many questions you might have.

[kctiger]

Basically what you want is for us to come on here, sugar-coat things for you, and in the end recommend you run head first into a brick wall screaming like an idiot? Is that what you want?

Well, start running, and put your head down so you hit that wall baby! After your head gets tired of the lumps, then I will start to actually give you some decent advice...

Until then... carry on... :cool:

[posey_84]

Hi
I admit I skimmed your story too so if I say something out of turn let me know.
First off she's been seeing someone behind your back... SHES a loser!
Secondly, your making excuses for her by saying she's never had a serious relationship blah blah blah... my husband was my first ever relationship but I've never cheated on him.
And besides its not like she's new to this, you been dating for two years!
She more than likely WILL contact you in the next few weeks when her new relationship doesn't work and she'll say 'im sorry it was a mistake, I love you I just have issues I'm dealing with right now and didn't know how to be in a relationship' and you will probably fall for this hook line and sinker. So I suggest you delete her number and block her. Have no contact and work on yourself esteem as you sound like a really nice guy and find yourself someone who treats you well.xx