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Dunkonya21 · Mar 6, 2009, 10:31 AM

Well I'm hanging with old friends, working out getting reeady for firefighter school which doesn't start until June-July. Trying to find a job which is next to impossible.

There was just some stress happening at the house that normally I would have help from her and just Idk I didn't to call myself pathetic but just saying I now I sound it. Any other guy would just say F*** her and go through the pain and move on and its like I don't know.. I want her back... I want to be able to talk sit down communicate and work through it out. I know I know if she loved me she would be here and not with him. Just I don't know anymore... at least I'm coming and talking about instead of just reacting to things which I would normally do.

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by Dunkonya21

I want to be able to talk sit down communicate and work through it out.

She is moving on, she is not waiting around on you because she decided to use someone else to get over this relationship. There ISN'T ANYTHING to work through at this point. If you crawl back and get rejected it will hurt that much worse. You are idolizing a relationship, it happens, someday you will have clearer judgement.

For right now, get out of the house and do something for you. How is the gym? Did you join?

Dunkonya21 · Mar 6, 2009, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

She is moving on, she is not waiting around on you because she decided to use someone else to get over this relationship. There ISN'T ANYTHING to work through at this point. If you crawl back and get rejected it will hurt that much worse. You are idolizing a relationship, it happens, someday you will have clearer judgement.

For right now, get out of the house and do something for you. How is the gym? Did you join?

You know it's like I can give some good advice but I can never apply it to myself well because of emotions and stuff. And right now if I broke the NC that's something she is expecting to happen and it's just it's so hard for me to accept that we are done... and I can't even think about were done forever. And I didn't even get to talk to her about anything at all.

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 10:51 AM

This is still too fresh for you to have ANY perspective on it. You will just have to continue in the moment to moment. You will regret ANY contact, it will not go the way you are hoping it will.

Breakups are difficult. Be patient... go eat some ice cream and veg out with some music or TV. You still have the right to call an off day.

Dunkonya21 · Mar 6, 2009, 12:01 PM

I've calmed down from that. Like you said I know I will regret any contact to her because I know how it will go and I would be kicking myself in the butt. I talk to my mom about this also and she is really good at giving me advice and she know's how the girl and even told me that if she was me she would know how play her and all that. But thanks for being there guys for my up's and down's. I think I might go to the mall today and go shopping and rward myself with something. Lol

talaniman · Mar 6, 2009, 12:10 PM

Retail Recovery, works for me. Good plan!

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 12:12 PM

That is a fabulous idea. Anything to occupy time. Read some other thread too, sometimes when you are involved in helping others, you take the focus off your problems, might find some humor out there and you will feel better about yourself just for helping someone else.

Wise idea to talk to Mom, they are the best solution for their boys ;)

coyne740 · Mar 6, 2009, 12:19 PM

Dude - you are dwelling a lot. You mentioned stress at home - think of how much stronger you will be dealing with it yourself instead of having your regular crutch (her) to help you through it. It sounds like you need to work on you right now instead of worrying about what she is doing. Remember, you don't have to CARE about anyone right now, just you! That's the most important thing. I broke down in tears the other day because I almost called my ex and stopped myself, then thought "No. For the first time in my life I am going to do something healthy for me, not anyone else." That's powerful stuff buddy. It's taken me until now, 28 years old, to realize that I have to work on me before I can make anyone else truly happy, and that if they rely on me for happiness, then they aren't worth it!

Justwantfair · Mar 6, 2009, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by coyne740

For the first time in my life I am going to do something healthy for me, not anyone else.

Just had to spread the rep, that is EXACTLY the thinking that needs to happen here.

Dunkonya21 · Mar 6, 2009, 09:32 PM

Well so far its been 3 days not that Im counting but I am proud that I haven't contacted her in anyway. The longest that I have was 4 days. So still have one more to go but I have a question is it normal, well since day one Ive been having rollercoaster feelings ups and downs.

Well they seem to be getting worse. Like When Im feeling good and confident I pretty much don't even think about the NC and that everythings is going to be good. Even to the point where I think I won't have to struggle anymore about her. And when I get down it is a very struggle to not call her. It just seems my emotions are coming out stornger I don't know it's weird.

serenitylynn · Mar 7, 2009, 12:22 AM

Here's something that has worked for me in the past. If you feel that you absolutely have to talk to her, then write her a letter. DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER!! Rip it up or burn it. Make sure you get rid of it somehow. It might help getting your feelings out so you aren't dwelling on what could have been.

chuff · Mar 7, 2009, 06:42 AM

To add to the great idea above In the past when the going got tough I wrote down all the negative things about my ex. We tend to romantize the good parts and somehow ignore the bad parts, so write them out and remind yourself.

Justwantfair · Mar 7, 2009, 09:31 AM

The first week is the worse and it is a roller coaster, we have all been there.

You are doing the best thing for yourself, just keep sticking it out.

Dunkonya21 · Mar 7, 2009, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

The first week is the worse and it is a roller coaster, we have all been there.

You are doing the best thing for yourself, just keep sticking it out.

I'm realizing why in the past why I failed because it is the hardest time. With the roller coaster feelings I am learning that when I hit my downs I just need to hang in there because eventually my spirits will climb back up

I've been using as a way to get back with my ex, to make her miss me and realize this rebound guy is just a fix of something that she wasn't getting from me. But like I have been reading Nc isn't about getting her back at all. Its about making that change in your life and realizing what needs to be done in the next relationship with whoever you end up with.

Will I be back on these boards boohooing to myself about I miss her and love her and that I eventually wanted to have kids and marry this girl? Yes I sure will but as I read others posts and can relate to things I see that the NC makes it so when that time will come when she does contact me I will Truly know what I want in life and if she is the right girl for me.

Thanks for putting up with my BS and heartaches. Today Im going to the gym and to work out and hang with my friends. I'm taking my mom to the hospital and she will be admitted so I'm just scared of how I'm going to handle being alone but Im sure you guys will hear from me soon =).

Oh and tomorrow I'm going to the beach with my friend and my sort of ex that didn't work because of her dad. But is a really awesome girl which I'm not going to try to go after just nice hanging with the opposite sex kind of blew off all my friend girls.

Dunkonya21 · Mar 7, 2009, 06:08 PM

Just wanted to add that I just officially broke my record with not talking to her... yay? I don't know kind of feeling the blues again.

Justwantfair · Mar 7, 2009, 08:39 PM

You should be celebrating everyday making it through. You are one step closer to a happier, healthier you.

How was the gym?

Dunkonya21 · Mar 7, 2009, 08:54 PM

I am I'm really proud that I haven't broken the NC. I see in that way that I have learned from the past from what I have done wrong. Just hard as I've said 17772668890 million times before. I'm staying strong and I'm not going to break the nc. But yea kind of brokedown earlier today had to call the ambulence for the to get her and so I'm pretty much home alone for the night so I'm just getting used to that. But just hanging in there.

talaniman · Mar 7, 2009, 10:19 PM

Google Cubix 3D, time will fky before you know it.

osiel11 · Mar 8, 2009, 12:36 AM

I just took like an hour to read all this. I've been married 2 years and you just brought back so many memories of when my wife and I were dating. Ok I admit it, usually I would mess things up and we would break up and she would use the nc on me. The first couple of times she was the one that would contact me and after like 4 times she was like I'm not having this anymore and wouldn't call or text me at all. Then I would miss her so much I would call her and she would be serious on the phone and would just be like literally hello, fine and you, nothing, nothing, no, no, bye. Seriously It was torture but it made me value her so much. Then when we would make up it was great just having her smiling and talking to me! We had a very close group of friends so if we were broken up we would still see each other and I would just stare at her and she would stare at me then we would end up talking and everything would be better. But going through that and learning from our mistakes made us stronger and our marriage wouldn't be the same if we didn't go through that. But here is the important thing >> It was mutual. I would do my best to keep her happy and she would do her best to keep me happy. Neither of us got through the point of cheating but I would get so jealous if I saw a guy talking to her or even looking at her because I would be like ugg I messed up! She could be talking to me and laughing at my jokes. And she would also get jealous if I talked to another girl even just as friends. Well anyway bottom line find someone that values you for who you are. You sound like a good guy any girl wouldn't would be lucky to date you. I know that sounds girly it's because my wife wanted me to write that!

Dunkonya21 · Mar 15, 2009, 08:37 AM

Well it's almost been 2 weeks and just thought I would update on the progress.

Well I've been hanging out with old friends some friends that I thought I would never see. I met this awesome girl that were just starting to talk only problem is that she lives about 45 min. away. She is someone that It is the total opposite of my ex and just really opens my eyes of "there are more fish out in the sea". I remember when I first wrote on here my goal was to get her back and things be "normal".

Well now I can say I don't regret doing NC because it was probably one of the hardest things I had to go through but boy did it work magic. I'm hardly ever thinking about her or anything. I have stopped looking at her myspace profile.

She ended up texting me yesterday asking for a dress that's at my house. I just never responded back to it. I don't even want to see her or talk to her. I'm not ready and really I don't want to go back to day one. Well I will keep the updates coming if anything else changes.