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dccash · Mar 2, 2009, 07:00 AM

My 31 year old son is going through a divorce. After just 2.5 years of marriage, his wife decided they weren't on the same page. He is a very handsome, protective, giving man and was husband. He has always been thoughtful and loving to his sister, dad, stepdad, aunts/uncles and especially me. He is the oldest and only son. We have always been close and able to talk. He is currently living with his only sister. They have always been the best of friends, protective of each other and supportive. The hard part comes with his divorce, after 3 months of separation, he has shut down. He has not spoken to anyone, including his sister, in the family. He does hang out with a few friends. I have called, left messages, called, no messages... he doesn't answer or return calls. I tried once to reach him at work. He answered. Heard my voice and informed me he was at work. I asked if he would return the call... he promised he would and didn't. This has been going on for 3 months. I am at a loss as are his dad and the remaining family to whom he has always been close.
I know he is angry & hurt, but why is he taking his grief out on those who love him and support him?

tickle · Mar 2, 2009, 09:21 AM

I know it is hard, but you have to respect his wishes. I don't know if you would call it 'grief' or not. He has to sort out his feelings the best way he can, and if it is excommunicating himself, then sobeit. It is his choice. He has had a kick in the pants and his self esteem has been compromised. Don't expect too much for a while.

I know as a mom where you are coming from. He will get over it.

Tick

dccash · Mar 2, 2009, 10:53 AM

Soon after I posted this question. I picked up the phone and tried again... to my shock he answered. He said he didn't know what to say, I told him he would when he was ready. Told him I loved and missed him. Spoke briefly about his new sport, snowboarding. Did not breach his privacy. Ask that he call when he had more time. It is a start!
Tickle, thank you for your comment... BTW, I love quilts... it wraps you in warmth!

tickle · Mar 2, 2009, 03:16 PM

Most people feel that is what they get here, a warm quilt. Or I would like to think so. You son and you will eventually realize that scraps can turn into lovely things.

Ms tick

tuny5 · Sep 22, 2009, 10:43 AM

I feel like I could probably answer this for you. 16 years ago I found out my husband was having an affair with his secretary right after I had my first and only child. I was devastated, I found withdrawing was more helpful then bringing it in the open and hearing people's statements, which only refreshed the hurt each time it was brought up. My dad would say what a no good for nothing he was and in truth when someone leaves you the feelings don't just leave, you still feel the love and the other person doesn't. It hurts bad. I think as long as he is living with his sister and has someone around that may be his healing mechanism. I think when people let him have his space and talk about other things, not that, he will come around. I did. I needed that privacy to mourn the loss of what I thought would be forever... 16 years later, I still don't really like to talk about it, it just hurt that bad.