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AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 01:58 PM

I just question his need to try and get me into shape, not my happiness.

jmw0713 · Mar 2, 2009, 02:28 PM

I don't know what his exact motive could be. But judging from your past post and your history on here this is what I think.

He wants a trophy girl that will hang off his arm and he can brag about and show off...

He has shallow tendencies and in his eyes the way you look now isn't appealing to him. Again going back to the whole trophy thing...

He knows his comments hurt and he may be trying to break you down emotionally to gain more control over you...

If you are happy with who you are, it shouldn't matter what he thinks. If he can not come to grips with who you are, and how you look, maybe you are not the right person for him, or he isn't the right guy for you.

AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 03:02 PM

He sought counseling and continuously seeking help for that issue. He admitted that he was going crazy over the issue of what I was doing, who I was with, why I didn't answer the phone and tried to think of reasons to leave his house just to check in on me. He felt like he was losing his mind and now he just let that go. He doesn't wonder anymore. Could it be that one issue traded for another?

Justwantfair · Mar 2, 2009, 03:57 PM

I just don't think after two weeks that even with counseling that issue is truly resolved. This seems like a pretty young relationship to be taking on so many issues. I just hope that you don't look back and realize they were red flags.

AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 04:13 PM

Let me be more clear... he has been seeking counseling for weeks about other issues but the last two weeks ( if not more) he has been discussing his trust issues.

Justwantfair · Mar 2, 2009, 04:18 PM

Well you sound very confident in him, so good luck in the relationship. The only person who can truly judge your relationship is you, we are just sharing an outside perspective. I see flags, you see love.

Good luck to you.

AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 04:23 PM

Well thank you. Was there anything else that seems questionable? I am young and trying to learn about love and relationships. I do admit it is always easier for me to point out the flaws in someone's relationship but not my own.

UnluckyDucky · Mar 2, 2009, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by AmExp

Well thank you. Was there anything else that seems questionable? I am young and trying to learn about love and relationships. I do admit it is always easier for me to point out the flaws in someone's relationship but not my own.

That's why it's always good to look at your own situation from an outsider's perspective. Knowing the facts (and ignoring the feelings for a moment) of this situation, if a close friend or family member was going through this, what would you say to them?

friend4u178 · Mar 2, 2009, 04:32 PM

Hi AmExp
As you know I've followed most of your threads including the last one about this guy.

The way I see it he has major issues that when confronted with stops them and then goes about them in another manner to keep you manipulated. I don't think this is a healthy relationship at all and others and I can see there are RED FLAGS applenty.

Bottom line is it's your decision whether your willing to live with his insecurities , because it's not something that's going to end in a hurry.

As far as losing weight , you lose it if that's what YOU want to do , not for him but for YOU.

Good Luck!

AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 04:36 PM

Well, I would think it was a bit odd and that he was using the wine and dine method to solidify his love and affection for her. I would tell her that he claims he is not a controlling person but his actions certainly do not scream someone who does not like to be in control. As the close family member and I happen to know about the background, I would probably trying to break free from the control his ex-wife had over him. There would be no doubt in my mind that he loves her, but that can be extreme at times.

UnluckyDucky · Mar 2, 2009, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by AmExp

Well, I would think it was a bit odd and that he was using the wine and dine method to solidify his love and affection for her. I would tell her that he claims he is not a controlling person but his actions certainly do not scream someone who does not like to be in control. As the close family member and I happen to know about the background, I would probably trying to break free from the control his ex-wife had over him. There would be no doubt in my mind that he loves her, but that can be extreme at times.

That's a good place to start. Looking at things objectively definitely opens the eyes to things you wouldn't normally notice.

When those here that have been in a similar situation (or know someone who has) see this, we can also add our own experiences into this mix. You've seen the posts that many other women posted here and how their relationships started just like yours - those relationships eventually escalated into violence.

There's no doubt you're a smart girl. Something didn't smell right to you and you came here asking for advice and opinions. I give you kudos for that - many women in your position get so swept away they don't even have time to do an internal gut check on things and they end up in your situation or oftentimes worse.

If this relationship makes you happy and its your prerogative to continue it, go for it. But keep in mind our words as some of us here think you're going down a dark path may lead to you ultimately getting hurt and you should get out before you become more emotionally attached. I'm not trying to make you all paranoid now, but I can't stress enough if you decide to keep this relationship going make sure you be wary of what's going on.

Even a wolf can be pretend to be a sheep in sheep's clothing for at least a little while... but that doesn't mean he's a sheep nor can he pretend to be one forever.

jmw0713 · Mar 2, 2009, 05:10 PM

Umm... is this the same person posting above as the OP?? I would hope so as this is a very private matter.

At any rate, just be vigilant for any red flags. As Unlucky, Justwantfair, and friend4u say you know the relationship better than us. It does help to get a fresh insight on things from others, but ultimately you have the vested interest in this relationship. We can only give advice.

It is good that he is seeking help and you are happy. Just be careful and try not to look at everything through the rose colored glasses. They can hide some major issues.

Good Luck and stay happy!

AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 07:57 PM

Thanks guy.. he is just such a sweet talker and so sexy. Sigh