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Ayesha0777 · Feb 28, 2009, 04:16 PM

I have had so many girl friends since young age and my mother has hated absolutely each one of them up to a point she would swear when talking about them. She would always give a reason and explain what is wrong with them. Also every time I visited my friends house and returned home she would be lying in bed in bad mood not speaking to anyone. If they would come over for a meal she would for the whole session stay in a bad mood and give me an angry look as if she had to do a lot of hard work. She suffers from depression and it has kind of upset the home atmosphere. She has even made taunting statement to my friend and they would kind of look slightly shocked. It has come to apoint that my friends either started to avoid me or realise that things are not normal in the house and make me look 'abnormal'. Its not their fault. I have asked my mother so many times why she acts like this and again she will give a reason or two criticising them. Its very easy to pin point fault in someone as no one is perfect.
I need to know why she acts this way and how I can stop her. This has been going on for years and years.

talaniman · Mar 1, 2009, 11:13 AM

Your mom is unhappy for whatever reason, and overly concerned about you, ( what parent isn't?) and you must understand and accept that about her as she probably will never change. I would entertain my friends elsewhere, and just avoid the whole hassle her actions toward them causes.

How old are you, and where is your dad?

arnimal7 · Mar 1, 2009, 11:33 AM

Wow, that almost sounds like a jealously thing. I was in the same situation as your friends a while ago where I would go to my best friends house and her Mother would get upset. Out of respect for my best friend I kept my mouth shut. Or if my friend would mention hanging out with me her mother would get upset. After a while she found out that her mother suffered from depression. Your Mother might be going through the same thing. You are right, it's not your friends fault, but it might not be your mothers either. Laying in bed, being in a bad mood, being down and critical those are all signs of depression. There might be a chemical imbalance and might need to go on something like Zoloft or Cymbalta. Many people take antidepressants. It is common and nothing to be ashamed of. Good luck

chuff · Mar 1, 2009, 11:45 AM

It sounds like your mom doesn't like herself very much and when she sees you make friends she feels like they will become a priority so she makes those comments to put them down, hoping you stay away from them so she remains the priority.

Ayesha0777 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your mom is unhappy for whatever reason, and overly concerned about you, ( what parent isn't?) and you must understand and accept that about her as she probably will never change. I would entertain my friends elsewhere, and just avoid the whole hassle her actions toward them causes.

How old are you, and where is your dad?

I am in late 20s and recently married. My dad lives there as well. The times that I stayed with her she has been the same. Now when I visit her for short periods, I invite my friends over who live nearby as I don't get time to see them otherwise. I have seen her like this since childhood and it is a sign of depression. Unfortunately watching her in a bad mood has turned me like her and I suffer from depression now myself which is getting worse and I don't want to be like her. I wake up with negative thoughts having arguments with people in my head. I am only relaxed with my friends. I have had counselling and am trying to do something that will really keep my mind busy. I now constantly tell her that she has given me depression. I cannot stop thinking of the things she has done to me in the past. I blame my parents for all the taunting statements, making fun of me in front of people, swearing at my friends particularly my mother. Seems like she did not want me to stay happy and she has succeeded in doing that.

Justwantfair · Mar 5, 2009, 08:09 AM

I would start seeing your friends outside of the house. You are grown now and shouldn't have to deal with this any longer. Just go out of your way to avoid the situation. Take your friends out for coffee or shopping.

Your mother was not happy, but the only one who can handle your depression is YOU. Finger pointing now won't help you get well, it will only allow you to dwell. Have you spoken to your physician about your depression?

Ayesha0777 · Mar 5, 2009, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I would start seeing your friends outside of the house. You are grown now and shouldn't have to deal with this any longer. Just go out of your way to avoid the situation. Take your friends out for coffee or shopping.

Your mother was not happy, but the only one who can handle your depression is YOU. Finger pointing now won't help you get well, it will only allow you to dwell. Have you spoken to your physician about your depression?

Physician? How can a Physician help? Thanks for guidance

Justwantfair · Mar 5, 2009, 11:13 AM

Because there are medications available that help balance out your serotonin levels, that can help alliveate feelings of depression, but only a physician can diagnose you or point you in the right path to handle your depression.

ZoeMarie · Mar 5, 2009, 11:22 AM

If you go to see your mom, maybe you shouldn't see your friends at the same time. I know you're upset with your mom, that's understandable, but I would try spending some one-on-one time with her when you go to visit. It sounds like maybe that's what you need. Go do something fun just the two of you more often. Sounds like maybe she doesn't have many close friends of her own and maybe she is jealous.