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avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 03:13 AM

Hey guys long time no post from me.. been busy..
well okay I seriously don't know how my song writing goes. Tonight Im sitting here listening to Sarah Kelly and like poof out pops a song writing idea into my head, seriously its way random.. but here we go, I need lots and lots of tips and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism (the emphasis being on the word constructive if you haven't already noticed) from what I'm sure will be a lot of experts on this matter!

Im sorry that its such a long song, it took me a while to write and this is the first time I have tried the no rhyming in a song so Im sure I have made tons of amateur mistakes so here's a biog sorry in advance to those experts! This is only my 3rd song after all and the idea poped into my head randomly.

here we go the actual lyrics that I wrote

<Start of song>

Song Title: My Friend

Verse 1

Even as I walk down the street
Overshadowed by sin and darkness
Your love still remains, oh Lord
Guides me through all the woe and strife

Even as I walk down the street
Lost within Life's ups and downs
Your grace still remains, oh Lord
Empowering me through the pain and grief

Chorus 1:

You are the light of my life Oh Jesus
The never dying ray of hopefulness
Even when I am struggling
in the grips of sin and temptation
I know that You are still my friend

(Instrumental)

Verse 2

Even as I walk down the street
Trying to find all the answers
Your love still amazes me, oh Lord
Giving your life to cleanse me

Even as I walk down the street
Uncertain of what tomorrow holds
Your grace still amazes me, oh Lord
Granting me strength and faith to believe that

Chorus 2:

Repeat Chorus 1

You are the light of life Oh Jesus
The bridge to a life of freedom and
Even when the pain seems endless
I know that You are still my friend

<End of song>

Any ideas for a bridge are welcome as well!

Thanks for all the help and sorry about my clumsiness in writing in advance!

Adam

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 04:06 PM

Hi, avenger9000!

What you've written is really quite good! I'm sure that with a few minor changes, that it would work well when set to music.

Do you play a musical instrument?

Thanks!

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 05:25 PM

Well no but I can read both guitar tabs and sheet music.

OK so what changes do you suggest should be made?

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 05:38 PM

I'll be back to help you shortly, avenger9000! I'm currently in a debate with someone on another thread.

Please give me a few minutes. Okay?

Thanks!

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 05:51 PM

Okay, so you say that you can read sheet music. Can you read what might be written on both the bass and treble clefs and assimilate the rhythms that are being used?

Thanks!

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 05:53 PM

Yes

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 05:53 PM

Well actually my friend knows how. So I will get him to help me a bit.. see I'm useless with rhythm (I thought you were talking about the melody)

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 05:58 PM

Melody and rhythm are intertwined with each other.

Sample melody is coming. It's nothing final. Just a sample...

Thanks!

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 06:15 PM

Here is music to go with your first two lines of words. It's just very simple and only a sample as to what can happen here.

Thanks!

Name: My Friend - Use.jpg
Views: 244
Size: 160.6 KB

Name: My Friend - Use.jpg
Views: 244
Size: 160.6 KB

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 06:18 PM

Whoa! That's amazing...

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 06:21 PM

Just put each of your words to each of the notes.

Can you tell me about the chords that I used in the bass clef?

Thanks!

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 06:22 PM

Um... lol

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 06:24 PM

I used six "C" chords with half notes and then a "G" chord on a whole note.

Would you be able to play something like that on the piano?

Thanks!

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 06:26 PM

Yep

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 06:33 PM

Okay, that's great! Then we can go from there!

I'm going to give you a sample that's just a bit more complicated. Please tell me if you would be able to play it.

It will take me a few minutes to compose it...

Thanks!

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 06:41 PM

Here it is!

Name: My Friend 2 - Use.jpg
Views: 160
Size: 169.2 KB

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 06:44 PM

This shouldn't be a problem so yeah and do you think maybe the lyrics can be tweaked a little bit or is it all right

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 06:49 PM

I think that some of them need to be tweaked a bit. But, that's not all going to happen tonight.

Do you mean for this part to be a coda for the chorus?

You are the light of life Oh Jesus
The bridge to a life of freedom and
Even when the pain seems endless
I know that You are still my friend.

Thanks!

avenger9000 · Feb 28, 2009, 07:06 PM

What I meant was some of the words Im completely satisfied with, it was so hard finding words that would fit the rhythm..

Clough · Feb 28, 2009, 07:07 PM

Hey, Adam!

I'm going to need to go for now. I will be on much later tonight if you would like to get together to do more with your song.

I think that you have a great beginning here! Just a hint for you, would you please take the address for your MSN out of your original post, please? Contacting outside of the site is something that's really frowned upon here. I would remove it, but I don't moderate Music, (but, I'm thinking of asking to be able to moderate it.) I had the option when I first became a moderator, but chose not to because most of the questions are about who sings this song and who is the artist. Although, now I think that there have been enough questions in Music that concern my sort of expertise, that I think that I'll ask to be able to moderate it also.

I'm more than glad to help you right on this thread! Also, what is posted here might also benefit someone else who comes along to read it!

Later...

Thanks!