[kiarya]

Though not "experienced" with sex (as I am only 19), I have been sexually "active" for about four years now. Through three different partners (two men and a woman), numerous positions, toys, and attempts at masturbation, I have never been able to have an orgasm. I enjoy the experience quite a bit, often becoming what my current boyfriend refers to as "insatiable", but I can't seem to hit the plateau. He's very good, and tries so hard to please me, and even through my own attempts, nothing seems to work... Is there any way I can fix this?

[kp2171]

Well, there are a lot of angles to hit.

For ex... I know exactly what positions my partner responds to best, but if I don't take enough time to sensitize her (and this doesn't mean the usual "foreplay" of kissing, petting, etc) and let her body and mind adjust, relax, release... I could do "all the right things" and get nowhere.

My lover is best after a long, hot shower or bath.

She needs the noise of the day to be silent. No thinking about work. About problems. Tasks. Intrusions.

She responds best after my hands have spent time on her body. Maybe my mouth.

Most of the things we think of as foreplay I think are best reserved for later. Yes... kissing my neck or biting my ears might get the blood going... but why not save that until later, if a plateau is hit?

Likewise, breast play might be the first thing I want to do, but my lover will get more pleasure and a better physical response if its held back for a time. When I finally put my lips to her, she's already feeling herself up. Make sense?

So... one issue is how sensitized are you mentally and physically? Like I said... all the "right moves" can get me nowhere if the room is cold, a mess, if we are in a rush, if there's no privacy... etc...

And don't get me wrong... its not like every time we have sex it is all perfectly orchestrated... with a fire going and champagne poured. That's just what I know to be the best thing to help her get to orgasm.

Me? Some version of "push/pull/repeat" usually works. Its unfair, I know.

So... on top of it all, you've not been able to hit the big O and that makes a mental block. Young people with issues reaching orgasm often have complications with the mind not believing you will get there... you can't just relax and experience the wonder of what it feels like to have another touch your body, or yourself.

So you need a win. Something to get you over that place.

You haven't been able to reach orgasm with a vibe? With water stim in the tub?

Self stim during sex with a wet finger or a vibe is one of the most important actions I've personally seen a woman take. Many positions just don't hit the right angle or stim, esp at the clitoris, and a little self help can sometimes make "pleasurable" become "orgasmic"...

Are you stessed in general? Getting good sleep? Any meds?

I wish I could tell you what you need to do to get there... but evey love I've had has been different. One could hit orgasm always, but only when she self stimulated. Another could get there only with patient oral sex... and guys are usually too impatient and don't know what to do... and yet another never got there with oral, but did with manual stim.

Do you have your own private space? Do you initiate sex with your partner? More details about what hasn't worked (what you've tried) can maybe help. Its an adult sex forum, so graffic details aren't about being smutty... its about reality.

[bronzebabe]

a LOT of women complain they cannot or have not orgasmed...itcan take years to perfect it. you can continue to practice till you find YOUR spot...just because you have been sexually active for 4 years, means very little.
keep practicing...