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wifefeelinglost · Feb 26, 2009, 06:04 PM

I have been married for 18 years now, my husband is doing drugs cocain and feels that it is OK that he does this we have 2 teenagers, I know they know he is doing some kind of drugs just don't know what. He used to do this every once in a while, he is now doing this weekly. He does not do it daily but it is getting worse. I keep telling him it has to stop. I told him tonight I don't think I can keep handling this he said he knows. I asked what happens when I can't deal with this and refuse to put up with it. His response was, I guess I will have to leave. He would rahter leave then stop. He said to me tonight if he knew that I would object so strongly to his alocohol and drug use he would not have had a family. This tells me he would rather snort coc then have our 2 wonderful kids.
I have tried to avoid confortation, but it is hard. He lost full time job and what did he do he went and got drugs twice that week. I can't understand how he and think that this is OK. I can't make him understand that he needs to stop. He always put it back on me that it is my problem... not his... I love him, but some times he does things that makes me hate him.
How do I deal with this, how to I continue or do I... I feel like I am in an ocean on a life boat with no one around to pull me out...
I do pray and if now for my faith in God I would have lost my mind by now.. but I think my boat is getting leak...
-wifefeelinglost

N0help4u · Feb 26, 2009, 06:12 PM

Yes unfortunately it will get worse and most often they do choose the drugs over wife and kids. You can either stick with him until you can't take it any more or kick him out now. With his attitude it is inevitable that it will not get better so sooner may be better than later.
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before they want help and as long as you let him stay he is only thinking about what he wants.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 26, 2009, 06:34 PM

Kick him out, change the locks and be glad he is gone

dee_cooper · Apr 17, 2009, 05:32 PM

You may love him but drugs will take him over fully and there is a very hard road back from it.. you need to think about your family.. it's a hard thing yes and I understand that you love him but if you truly love him then you need to tell him how you feel and get other family involved in it... if that doesn't show him to get help then you need to separate until he either changes or shows you that the drugs mean more... but in turn you need to think about your family and how this is effecting them to.
If he wants to leave then let him leave but you need to trust God and let him go.

Bonnie46 · Apr 17, 2009, 06:00 PM

I'm sorry about your situation. He is not thinking and he's not acting rational. He is a drug addict. A drug addict does not think about or consider consequences like losing their spouse or their children. They are lost in the addiction. People initially take drugs to "dull" their anxieties and feelings. Drug addicts take drugs to prevent or halt the nasty sick feeling of withdrawal symptoms. Imagine if your body suddenly decided to poop out diarrhea, vomit up food or saliva, your head was spinning or jolting with constant twitches, you broke out into a cold shivering sweat, your mind was strongly disoriented against space, time and place and you felt dizzy and weak. Withdrawal is NASTY - worse than many different SEVERE types of physical pain. Only your husband can decide to get help. Not you. You can pray all the way to the heaven's and back, but unfortunately this won't help. You should probably try to get yourself and your children away from your husband safely, before he starts to steal or pawn your money and belongings for his addiction. I am so sorry - but you won't be able to influence his decision-making at all. He's not clear in his thinking. He's drugged out. Only he can make the change. Him losing his job, causes him angst and anxiety. Anxiety makes him desire the drugs more to dull his worry, pain, guilt and despair. I think you need to move away. If you stay where you are, he will come back and ask you for food, clothing, money, help etc. Be strong and don't enable him by giving him a couch to sleep on, or food to eat or a roof over his head. I'm so sorry. Only he can take himself to rehab - he needs to want to stop first, and maybe he's not going to be ready for many years.

Sunflowers · Apr 17, 2009, 06:33 PM

You should throw your husband out. If he won't leave you should take the kids and leave. He is a drug addict now. Things can get a lot worse.. Drug addicts lie and cheat and steal from people closest to them: their families. His moods might become unstable and he could become dangerous for your children to be around. Not to mention what a horrible roll model he is using with the kids knowing about it. What kind of a roll model will you be if you decide to allow this behavior in your life?