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shermeetava · Aug 21, 2006, 11:01 AM

My boyfriend has bad breath most of the time and I was so turned off by that in the beginning we got involved because he was after me for a long time and proffessed his love to me so I finally gave in and I tried to make him take care of this problem because I can not stand it , so he fought with me and said I was superficial and not deep to not to want to kiss him for that reason, I did not know what to do I break up with him like every week because I do not like it and he hates me for being disgusted by that and let him brush or eat gum before he kiss me. I told a dentist friend to take a look at him and she did and he was fine for a while but he is not consistent and does not care, he is a good guy and love me very much and I do not know what to do, I can not stand someone who is not hygiene conscious for the rest of my life, is there a way to keep him clean with out offending him?

Jayjay027 · Aug 21, 2006, 11:26 AM

Hold on... so you already told him he has bad breath, and he fought with you aout it? And now he refuses to keep his mouth clean??

I'm sorry, but I couldn't be with someone who's breathe made me sick.

How would he like it if you didn't take care of your mouth and had stinky breath all the time?
He wouldn't be happy about it, and I bet he'd tell you to clean your teeth, or eat some mints.

You have to make sure he knows that you still care about him, but make sure he knows that it's a HUGE turn off that he doesn't even care that his breath smells.

Eugh, Im sick at the very thought of it.

Wildcat21 · Aug 21, 2006, 12:15 PM

Total deal breaker. Toatal deal breaker!!

If he isn't concerned about his breath... then move on. I a mserious - tha's offnsive and if he won't take care, well that's gross - I would not live with that.

chuff · Aug 21, 2006, 12:29 PM

If he doesn't care about his breath than my next question would be, What else doesn't he care about?

Jayjay027 · Aug 21, 2006, 12:55 PM

Lol... eugh.
It does make you wonder though..

shermeetava · Aug 21, 2006, 03:11 PM

Actually I am a little confused about what to do because I see sometimes couples the boyfriend or the girlfriend with bad breath and still together and some nations just I guess in their culture not to brush and life goes on and they are married and having kids I always wondered about that so I was confused about myself because, I like to be clean I thought may be I smell too much and as a punishment my disgust of this problem life send me someone with the same thing I was digusted from and I do not know what he is saying is really true that I am obsessed about being clean and having fresh breath, I just do not like any thing smelly though I love natural men smell , and my q. is supposed to be is taking this as a big deal and making it as deal breaker does that mean I am obsessed, when I smell bad breath I just want to puke and smell like **** to me , there are a lot of people out there with bad breath and married how do the do that? do they have a problem in their noses or my nose or is my nose super senesitve and I should do something about it? Thank you all guys for the replies

phillysteakandcheese · Aug 21, 2006, 03:19 PM

Personal hygene matters... There's nothing superficial about it.

He knows what the problem is, all he has to do is brush his teeth and use mouthwash regularly. If he's not willing to put that much effort into your relationship, you have no need to continue in it.

Wildcat21 · Aug 21, 2006, 03:19 PM

No - you're normal. That's gross. It's very, very selfish as well.

If he doesn't fix that - then what other problems are there.

You don't deserve a dude with bad breath.

JoeCanada76 · Aug 21, 2006, 03:59 PM

Okay,
When two people live together. Or sleep in the same bed. In the morning. When you first wake up it is normal for bad breath to be present. He seems like he does not care about how bad he smells, so if he really loves you and wants to sweep you off your feet. He would do his best to look clean and keep smelling nice. There are some people who no matter what they try Smell, whether its from body odour or other stuff. There are products out there to help out. My wife and I used to go for the scope all the time and brush teeth all the time just to make sure not to smell because we were both self concience of it. There is not much else to say. If he does not take care of that then he might not be taking care of other things. There is a big difference between superficial and stating how somebody stinks like a pig and how it makes you sick. Very unattractive and you going out with somebody that makes you feel sick is not right. As far as you finally gave in because he kept after you. Do not use that as an excuse. You gave in because of pressure. You should have said no, you led him on. So now it is time for you to be honest and end it because by the sounds of it there was nothing there in the first place. Can you go on knowing there is nothing there and you just excepted it to make him happy.

Joe

kp2171 · Aug 21, 2006, 04:21 PM

Affection and intimate attraction are part of the deal, and for some its more important than others.

I had an abcessed tooth that was fixed but it took a few more trips to the dentist to take care of some nasty breath. To this day, I think my wife doesn't like to kiss as much as she used to because of that, even though it is now fixed.

People wouldn't scoff if you dated a person who refused to shower.

Dental hygiene is also important to good health, as a number of studies have shown.

So... you are the one who gets to make the call. If that's all that's wrong, id push him a little more... and if that doesn't do the trick, well then the magic is gone, eh?

Skell · Aug 21, 2006, 04:35 PM

Yuck yuck yuck.

Bad personal hygene is a terrible trait.

It shows laziness, no self respect, no respect for others and is something I could just never ever tolerate.

Sounds over the top but NO WAY! I would be demanding he looks at his problem or running away.

I might be loking a little deep but I thinkn someone not caring about there personal hygene shows deeper flaws in their personality that would be completely unnatractive and not tolerable.

shermeetava · Aug 21, 2006, 05:11 PM

Beside the smell was him accusing me of being shallow and him being offened and he was rude to me after that and made fun of me that I care about trivia , I appreciate a person who tries so hard to keep it clean and acknowlege the problem but my analysis to this is that he has very high opinion of himself (very high) and he does not smell himself abviously that is why he was sooooo offended and he said no body told him that (face to face) so he got me confused I thought may be I smell things are not their so I asked a friend close to me and he said the same thing so I was sure it was not just in my nose but the problem is that some people do not smell themselves, like I said I always wondered about some nation brushing is not in their culture I guess and they talk very close to each other, do they smell each other or they've become immune? So if someone does not or can not smell themselve they are not good boyfriend material? He takes showers 2 times a day , I just do not know what with mouth? Our relationship coming to an end and I think this is the main reason it brought a lot of problems he swears at me a lot because he becane so offened all the time and feels like I am looking down on him because of thins and he was hustile and when I end it he comes back with clean mouth but after I am back a few days he goes back to the poor hygiene.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 21, 2006, 05:40 PM

The reality is you can break up with someone for ANY reason you like. Period. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you owe your partner a guaranteed continuation of the relationship. You owe them nothing but the truth while in the relationship. Nor you should give up the very foundation of all great relationships-- To Thine Own Self Be True!

Never mind the bad breath, leave because he offends easily, is arrogant and swears a lot at you-- good grief!

Wildcat21 · Aug 21, 2006, 06:01 PM

Well - that's about 3 re3d flags... move on...

JoeCanada76 · Aug 21, 2006, 06:16 PM

I do not understand why you keep trying to figure things out and keep asking the same questions. It is obvious there is nothing there. It is obvious he does not take care of himself and it is obvious from what you write that he does not care. So if he can not take care of himself do you really trust him to take care of anything else. Please for you and the rest of us here. Give it up and let it go and move on.

END OF STORY.

Joe

aqua@home · Aug 21, 2006, 06:28 PM

YUCK! That would be it for me. You two are at the dating phase, I wouldn't go any further if he's not willing to do anything about it. A turn off is still a turn off.

s_cianci · Aug 21, 2006, 08:35 PM

I think the two of you have some compatibility issues in general, not just where bad breath is concerned. That's just become a convenient scapegoat. It doesn't really sound like the two of you are a good match. Ultimately you have to make your own decisions but frankly I think this one is a waste of your time and energy.

J_9 · Aug 22, 2006, 09:29 AM

Hey, one idea has not been addressed. Halitosis can be caused by medical reasons.

Does he take any medications? Certain medications can cause bad breath. Also, certain intestinal illensses can cause halitosis. He should see a doctor about the halitosis. If it is a med problem, I am sure that there are other drugs out there that will not cause this.

The reason some drugs cause halitosis is that they cause dryness of the mouth, which causes bad breath.

Intestinal disorders can cause this also. He should see a doctor for a complete check-up addressing the bad breath concern.

As far as the hygene goes, he could cause a lot of serious health problems by not brushing besides bad breath. Maybe you could discuss those with him.

talaniman · Aug 23, 2006, 06:40 AM

Talk is over YOU know what you want so find a guy who takes care of himself a lot better. Don't settle get what you want.

kp2171 · Aug 23, 2006, 08:06 AM

Some people are more sensitive to certain smells... maybe that's the case here. Even if your friend agreed, perhaps you perceive it stronger.

Irreguardless, he has shown a complete disinterest in getting help for this. And has called you shallow. I'm thinking, unless one last push for help gets him to face this issue, well then its time to walk.

His anger can easily be from frustration... but if he's not even willing to seek help, then its self imposed.