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Ladydiva · Feb 23, 2009, 06:49 PM

[F]

I am in a very complicated situation; the father of my child is a registered sex offender and has served 10 yrs. He barely knew my son before his incarceration and now that he is back he wats to see my son. My son is now 13 yrs old and is not interested in seeing his father. His father persisted and even tried to drag me to court because there was an existing order for visitation before he went to jail. The circumstances have changed tremendously and my son has no desire to see him. In lieu of going to court I moved my son to another county in nys, so his father does not know where he is, but what are my son'r rights not to see his father?? By the way, his father raped and sodomized someone and as a result had to serve the ten yr sentence. How can I protect my son? Do I have to move to another state? Do I have to keep running? It is not okay for him to have visitation. my son wants no contact with him what so ever. I honestly have not told my son anything derogatory about his father except that he was incarcerated and the nature of his incarceration. He came to his own conclusion that he did not want to see his father. My son is an honor roll student and math is one of his best subjects. He knows that 13-11=2. his father served a total of 11 yrs, which would mean that he was only 2 at best when he left. You do the math. Please help me!!

Fr_Chuck · Feb 23, 2009, 07:01 PM

No, no and no, you are running and doing about everything wrong that you could do.

First great he does not want to see him, why did you not go to court to take his rights away when he was in jail for 10 years ( one reason you can)
Why did you not go to court to take his rights away for being a registered sex offender.

Until you go to court and change the existing court order, he can actually demand use of it, and even try to hold you in contempt of court.

What you have to do, is file in court to get the chlld custody order modified to not allow any visits at all.

Ladydiva · Feb 23, 2009, 07:05 PM

He doesn't have custody, I have full custody of my son. I went to the Queens family court while he was incarcerated and they gave me the run around and said there was nothing I could do. I had to wait until he got out to do anything so I waited. Do I go to the county I am in or do I go back to Queens? I am in the process of moving to Florida, do I file there?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 23, 2009, 07:08 PM

You file where you have residence, If you move to Fla you will have to wait till you have lived there according to their law to have residence established.

Unless he files first to stop you from moving or files to try and force you back since your move will violate his visit rights.

ScottGem · Feb 23, 2009, 07:09 PM

Agreed, by running you are in contempt of court of the existing visitation order.

As a convicted sex offender it is highly unlikely the court will force your son to see him. At the very least, visits will be supervized. So stop hiding, force him to take you to court. In court you son tells the judge he has no interest in seeing his father.

Ladydiva · Feb 23, 2009, 07:17 PM

If he never utilized the order, how am I in contempt?? He told me of a court date though I was never served. I already have full custody. I was already in the process of this move before he even came out of prison. I am hiding, but I am protecting my son... The state of NY is tricky. When I get to Florida I have 2 wait an additional 2-3 months and then go to the family court again and start this fight?? This is a lesson to me, know who you make children with!

ScottGem · Feb 23, 2009, 07:30 PM

You are in contempt because there is an existing visitation order and you are blocking it being enforced. Its one thing to openly refuse visitation, its another to deliberately hide.

Ladydiva · Feb 23, 2009, 07:34 PM

Well I have to protect my son. Once I establish residency in Florida I will come out of hiding and pursue the issue. Right now, I have eto protect my son. His father is dangerous and will hurt me and/or him and I can not have him around that!! I was in the process of moving before his father was released. He hasn't seen his son since he was 2 yrs old and if I can help it, it will be another 10 yrs before he sees him again!!

ScottGem · Feb 23, 2009, 07:45 PM

You aren't listening. If you want to protect your son, you fight it in court. Running and hiding is going to anger the courts and not help your case. You are making things worse, not better.

Ladydiva · Feb 24, 2009, 05:27 AM

I understand. I can't have my son exposed to him. I can't take that chance with the courts. I am not gong to let an outsider tell me what is best for my son who I have raised ALONE for the past 13 yrs. I have five more yrs until he is legal and I can only hope and pray that his dad doesn't find me within that time. Women disappear everyday with court orders and orders of protection. Hiding is the best option. Women are killed because information somehow leaks out. Thank you for trying to help, but I'm going to let GOD take the lead on this one.

excon · Feb 24, 2009, 06:19 AM

Hello lady:

I think you're absolutely right. Don't listen to any of these people. They're strangers and they don't know what you've gone through these past years.

Yes, let God handle it.

excon

PS> By the way, if you didn't want advice, why did you come here?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 24, 2009, 06:45 AM

So when he finds you, he proves to the court that you hid his son against a court order, He gets that court to rule that you illegally left the state

He shows the court that you went out of your way to lie and hide and keep him from his visits He shows that you did not use the lega system.

This will make the judges care little at what you said.

He may :: even if you file in Fl, prove they don't have jurisdiction if he really already has a order in the other state

He may:: force you to move back to that state or be in contempt

So you could very very easily find yourself in jail and guess who will have custody of the child, just because you don't want to do what is the correct legal.

There is very little chance you could lose NOW, you move and hide you increase your chances of losing 100 fold

cdad · Feb 24, 2009, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by Ladydiva

If he never utilized the order, how am I in contempt??? He told me of a court date though I was never served. I already have full custody. I was already in the process of this move before he even came out of prison. i am hiding, but I am protecting my son.... The state of NY is tricky. When I get to Florida I have 2 wait an additional 2-3 months and then go to the family court again and start this fight??? This is a lesson to me, know who you make children with!!

Have you talked to a lawyer. If not you really should. You take that child across state lines and don't notify the other parent of your whereabouts.. that's called kidnapping.. and because your crossing state lines to flee it's a federal offense. Next step will be mommy in prison and dad with full custody. If you want that keep going. If you don't then start doing things different. At this point your doing everything you can to lose your child. That's the plain truth.

For one thing you could have asked for supervised visitation and an evaluation by the courts. At that point they may have considered everything. If you take the route your on now you stand to lose bigtime. Fear / Frustration.. whatever it is that's driving you stop. Talk to a professional in your area. Talk to a lawyer and maybe a counseler to help you deal with this. The courts if done correctly may even take away his rights because of past incidents. THE COURTS have that power.. not you. Talk to a lawyer.