[Miss_Kayla]

My boyfriend of 2 years recently dumped me. The thing is, he kept changing his reason. It makes me think he's confused. He left me once before, and I did the whole beg and plead thing which did not work, and after breaking off all contact and ignoring him, he came back because he loved me and need me desperately. But this time I think he may have done it because he is scared about leaving for college (he'll leave in about 2 weeks). Me and him had a very healthy relationship, very happy and loving, no cheating or abuse. We were both very much in love, but then he suddenly left me. I know he has some kind of doubt in his head, but he absolutely refuses to talk about working it out. Whenever I had doubts I talked to him about it and we worked it out for the better, but now that he has doubts he will not even try to fix it. Recently he asked me if I was going to the premier of his latest movie (he's a film maker) and I told him I wasn't, and he seemed sad but tried not to show it. Then today he asked me to come over and help him shoot a scene for a new movie, and when I said no, he asked if I could bring him some props then. I told him I didn't have any of what he wanted. I think maybe he's looking for excuses to see me. He still tells me how beautiful he thinks I am. What should I do? I really want him back, and I did it last time, but I'm worried that same tactic will not work, especially since he is leaving in 2 weeks. Help!

[confused25]

I think the best thing would be to talk to him (preferably in person) and let him know you feel. From what I can see the only way to solve this problem is through communication. If he continues refusing to talk, then there is not much else you can do.

If he is not willing to fix things then I would suggest not contacting him at all. This may make him realize that he needs you (like it did before). But in all honesty I suggest that you begin to move on if your talk with him fails. He will be attending college for the first time which means he may not want to be held down. You will not like this, but maybe he wants to see what the college dating scene is like. There could be other issues, but I suspect that he just doesn't want to be held down by a relationship while in college. Yet I don't know for sure, so you will just need to talk to him.

However, remember that you can only do so much, and if the other person is not willing to work as hard as you then its best you let him go.

[Wildcat21]

Too much drama. Your too young. We've seen over and over this leaving for college crap rarely works. Move on - he's playing games. Do you really need this?? He sounds like and insecure WUSS!!

[Miss_Kayla]

Confused: Yes, you're right about the communication thing. He is unwilling to talk about fixing things, even though there really is nothing that wrong in the relationship. Sure, it wasn't perfect, every relationship has their rough spots. I really think that it is just a matter of him being scared of going to college and not being near me, and also the whole dating scene like you mentioned. Only he's not much of a dater. I was his first girlfriend. Ever. I often hear that the people who leave their loved one to try the dating scene in college regret it. Sure it's fun, but they say it does not compare to the comfort of your loved one. But I am willing to give him his freedom, as long as he's sure it's what he wants. I just do not believe he completely wants that.

Wildcat: Yes... I know I'm young, and it's dramatic, and YES he's insecure. I just wanted to find a way to make him less insecure and confused about his decisions. I want him to be happy and not regret any decision he makes.

[s_cianci]

You're right in that begging and pleading won't work. He seems to be chasing you in an on-again, off-again pattern. Think about what you do during those times when he's chasing you and keep doing those things. My guess is that if you keep your distance then he'll come after you. He probably isn't ready for any kind of permanent, committed relationship so don't get your hopes up for this to materialize. If you want to see him on again, off again then that's fine. However if that's not satisfactory to you then you do need to break off all contact with him and don't respond if he tries to contact you.

[K_3]

It is great you want to help him feel less secure and confused etc. Unfortunately, only he can do that. If he is not willing to communicate, there is nothing you can do. Wildcat is right, college relationships rarely work.
You need to move on and when he comes home on breaks if you want to see him do. If I were you, I would not want a relationship while he is in college. You don't want to sit around waiting for a letter or a visit or phone call and one day find he has found someone else. If there is a strong love there, it will withstand separation and seeing others while he is away. You can still date him when he is home and visit. My boyfriend went to college a year before I did and we agreed to date others and each other. He flew me there for homecoming and we had a great time. How old are you? As we mature we all change, our goals, needs, wants and friends change. Give both of you some space to grow.

[Miss_Kayla]

Well I know that he loves me very much. A few months ago I had doubts about him going to college and was afraid it wouldn't work, but he said that our love and trust was so strong that we could do it for that year. We would both go to the same college, so he would only have to deal with the separation for this one year. He was always willing to do anything to keep us together, he wanted to spend his life with me. I do believe he just wants to experience the single aspect of college, but I'm guessing he will not like it, and within a few months will miss me and want me back. He's only an hour away for college, so it would not be THAT difficult to see each other, maybe once a month when both of us have opportunities. But I'm giving him his space, not talking to him, and I already know he misses me because he wants to see me. He still wants to hold me, and calls me beautiful. I'm pretty sure that within a few months of the single life in college he will decide whether he likes it or not and will make his decision concerning being with me.

[K_3]

I am sure you are right. You know him better than anyone.