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melissashumate · Feb 22, 2009, 07:21 PM

Last night I didn't get ay sleep instead my husband says he wants a divorce. In the middle of wal-mart and then to come his parents had told him several of times to leave me and as well as his so called best friend. We were up all night fusing about everything. He was told that I was ing around and its not true I have no time at all to be doing anything we have a 3 yr old who I have 24-7 and I watch a baby from 7:30 am until 5 sometimes 5:30 by the time his mom comes and get him I am exahusted and the last thing that is on my mind is ing around... for the past few yrs things have gotten worse and when I try to talk to him about it he says there is nothing wrong with what he does or that he is sorry and then a week later he is at it again... he is always reading over my shoulder when I am on the computer he follows me every where in the house. He tells me he loves me but he has no emotion when he says it its like looking at a blank wall. When things started to get really bad was on new years eve when I asked him why he loved me he says "because you put up with my ". That's when I blew upo and told him that I was no longer in love with him that I hate him. I have so much resentment towards him because of all the promises he made (getting me legal (I'm from canada) so I can finish law school and work) I have put up with him going on cruises with out me (according to his mother I am not family) getting tattoos when we don't have the funds letting him do what he wanted with out commplaint. Now these past few months I am getting things in order tp take my son back to canada where I can give him the life I know I can and I don't have to reley on a man. He keeps telling me that either I love him or leave then he plays mind games with me and the whole time its like looking at a blank canvas. I told him I would give him 30 days. Am I doing the right thing or should I just give up all hope and take my son and leave. Any advice is good please

hellokity017 · Feb 22, 2009, 07:30 PM

Life is hard try talking to him n ask if there can be a chance

Fr_Chuck · Feb 22, 2009, 07:34 PM

Sounds like a large lack of communication, to start a family couselor to make each party come to terms with how they really feel and to get some honesty going

melissashumate · Feb 22, 2009, 08:03 PM

We have tried communication let me refrase that I've tried he even says he has no emoitions that he just loves me I want out I want to go back to my country. I told him 30 days and if things haven't changed then I was going (feelings haven't changed) I've been trying for 4 yrs and I'm tired now and exhausted we've been married 5 yrs there is only so much emotional and mental I can take

twinkiedooter · Feb 23, 2009, 02:32 PM

Then leave him. He can't change as he has no emotions. You are looking for a reaction from a man who is dead inside. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, nor can you miraculously make a man have feelings or emotions. Regardless of just how much counseling you get, I don't ever see him changing as he said it all in a nutshell when he gave you his answer of "You put up with his......" You are being treated like a doormat. That's what he wants, a doormat, not a wife. Leave him in your dust.

melissashumate · Feb 23, 2009, 09:31 PM

I can't take this anymore he keeps playing with my mind and my heart he says he wants out and I will never make it out of the country with our son and then 15 min later he loves me needs me. I'm sacred what if I lose my baby because he is playing these games now I am screaming and no one is here

Knightrider1965 · Feb 25, 2009, 11:07 AM

I am going through a similar thing at the moment. My wife took off back in May of last year. We have been married for 10years this past Jan. She acted much like you say your husband is acting. We are currently going through a very nasty divorce with no end in sight anytime soon. She claimed to be a christian, but her behavior said otherwise. Everything I've done during our marriage she has tken credit for. Every time we went around her friends and family she acted like I wasn't there. She even caused my 2 teenagers to have to go to counceling due to her overbearing treatment of them. When she left I did everything to try to get her to come home, but to no avail. Since her leaving she has filed multiple false DHS reports against me withem them finding her lying. She has lied to her attourney on multiple occasions. During the time all of this was going on I found that my wife was having an affair with a guy that I have considered a brother for the past 25 years. If your husband is treating you this way, I would suggest you take a step back and look into what he is doing without your knowing it. Often when a spouse is accusing the other of having an affair, it's to try and cover up what they are actually doing themselves. I am not saying that he is, but it sounds suspicious to me.

melissashumate · Feb 25, 2009, 01:40 PM

I had just found out the he enjoys hurting he even does it intentionally.now he says he loves me he is playing mind games and I am confused I don't want our son to see this he thinks so highly of his da ( he is 3) I am trying I really am but I don't know what else to do.I am very lost and confused my family disowned me because I married him. It's a mess

Justwantfair · Feb 25, 2009, 01:43 PM

Steps to get off the roller coaster:

1. take a look around,
2. see the door,
3. USE IT.
4. Breath a sigh of relief.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 25, 2009, 01:44 PM

At 3 he thinks highly of the wiggles and smokey the bear also.

If he is hurting you on purpose, it is time to get out, at least temp for sure. If he will not go to a couselor to try and make this work, he merely does not want to pay you child support and alimony for years, most likely he loves his wallet the most.
What is stopping you from moving out ?

melissashumate · Feb 25, 2009, 01:47 PM

I am not a legal us citizen he backed out of that he told me I would never make out with my son if I never had my son I would be gone but I can not leave my son

twinkiedooter · Feb 25, 2009, 01:57 PM

If your parents disowned you due to marrying him - they will more than likely be thrilled that you left him and will welcome you home with open arms. Call them and ask for their help in leaving him. When your parents know that you have finally come to your senses and want to get away from game playing jerk - they will take you back. They disowned him as they could probably see through him from the git go.

Please call them, OK? You are not alone.

Knightrider1965 · Feb 25, 2009, 02:04 PM

As I told you I am pretty much in the same boat. We have tried counciling in the past and it will only work if both parties are willing! In my case I was and she wasn't. According to her the councilors didn't know what they were talking about. After 4 sessions with one councilor, the councilor herself told me to divorce her in front of my wife. The best advice I can give you is to get away now before he hurts you physically. Deal with it from a safe distance.

Knightrider1965 · Feb 25, 2009, 02:10 PM

Most Citys have safe houses that you can go to for protection. Call either your local Police Department or Sheriff's Office and tell them your concerns and ask for help in leaving.

melissashumate · Feb 25, 2009, 04:06 PM

I am trying to do this where there are no authorities involved they can put me in jail even worse deported then I will never have my son a friend said I should play it cool for a little while (not long) just enough where I can get some money together get paper work done and then leave one night when he is gone right now it might be the safest route for my son and myself... or am I wrong

Knightrider1965 · Feb 25, 2009, 04:43 PM

If you are married to an American citizen then I would think that you would still have the same rights as he does to the kids. As long as neither one of you has a court order against the other person you have the same rights. I may be wrong but I think you should ask an attourney about it. Anything you say to an attourney would be confidential.

melissashumate · Feb 25, 2009, 04:47 PM

I have spoken to a few and they told me that it is going to be harder on me then it normally would I had spoken to the consault and they are trying to do what they can. I just don't want to get into trouble because I didn't have the proper info. I can't lose my little boy he means more to me then I ever thought was possible.so right now I am playing the good for nothing little wife until the time comes when I can finally be free

Knightrider1965 · Feb 25, 2009, 07:06 PM

In God's eyes you are not a good for nothing wife. Put your faith in him and he will bring you through. Right now with my case the kids were asigned a guardian adlitim which is a lawyer that will decide who get the kids. He was originally asigned due to all of the false accusations that my wife has made against me. I just received a letter from him ordering her and myself to take parenting classes before he will render a decision on our case. I have faith that God will bring me through this even stronger that I was before. I don't know if you are religious or not or what your beliefs are. Open the bible and read it and you will find not only confort, but guidance as well.