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tom2009 · Feb 21, 2009, 06:43 PM

My son was warming up during practice. He over threw the player he was warming up with twice. The coach called him aside and asked him why he was throwing that way. My son stated it was the way he usually throws and continued warming up. Later during warm ups he over threw the player again. The coach called him aside and asked why he had his on his shoulder. My son replied, "I don't." Then the coach went on to say to my son that he wasn't good enough to play on varsity just play on junior varsity.

Please take into account that this kid is the only kid in school (about 1700 students) playing 3 major sports. He never played 9th grade football because he started on the jv. He started in half the games on the varsity football team as a 10th grader. This football consisted of more than 8 Div 1 players. He played WR on the same side as the #1 recruit in the state. He starts on the jv basketball team. Before basketball practice he would go practice with the baseball team. He has always been an All-star player. He made a national baseball team where only 4 players where chosen out of the state. So the kids is talented which is irrelevant to my complaint.

My complaint is that he made such a degrading comment to a player. My son is only 15 and in the 10th grade. He was on the varsity but started on jv. He enjoys the jv and has no problem playing on both teams. It doesn't matter to me if he is not playing on varsity as a 15 year old. I am a teacher at this particular high school and I scheduled a meeting with the coach and AD. As an educator we must be held accountable! It is our duty to encourage ALL students/players. It was wrong for this coach to tell a player they are not good enough. There are other appropriate ways he could have chosen to handle this situation.

Does anyone have any advice before my meeting on Monday?

bones252100 · Feb 21, 2009, 07:06 PM

Stay out of it! The worst thing you can do for your son's development is embarrass him by being the over protective parent. By jumping in on his behalf, you are telling your son that you have no faith in him standing on his own two feet. The important thing here is the son's development. Parents can be upset but should never allow their personal feelings to intervene between the coach & athlete. You have no idea what was going through that coach's mind at the time of this incident. He may actually have a training plan fot your son. Allow the coach to do his job. Cancel the meeting & do your job as a parent.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 21, 2009, 07:51 PM

Yes, call it off and let the coach be a coach. This is different than teaching and for heavens sake, some kick in the rear is done to put some drive in them.

All he said was he was not good enough, I was ready to have him cursed out by the way you are talking.

And perhaps compared to 17 and 18 year old he is not really good enough for this coach. That is his call.

And really the job of the coach is to win, he is not really a teacher in that since, students don't pay to be fair and don't share time playing, he keeps his job often by winning. And often pushing students to win means making them upset at times and more.

tom2009 · Feb 21, 2009, 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by bones252100

Stay out of it! The worst thing you can do for your son's development is embarass him by being the over protective parent. By jumping in on his behalf, you are telling your son that you have no faith in him standing on his own two feet. The important thing here is the son's development. Parents can be upset but should never allow their personal feelings to intervene between the coach & athlete. You have no idea what was going through that coach's mind at the time of this incident. He may actually have a training plan fot your son. Allow the coach to do his job. Cancel the meeting & do your job as a parent.

Thank you for your response. Please understand this is an unusual situation. He has never had a problem with a coach. I believe in discipline and tough coaching; however, I do not believe any adult has a right to degrade and embarrass a person. I have supported this coach contrary to other parents wanting him fired. He is a colleague of mine. As a parent and teacher I always encourage students to work hard. It is important that people in our position discipline, encourage, and teach your kids. It is not our role to tell kid they are incapable of achieving. The meeting was scheduled to address this issue with the coach. Since we are colleagues this is the proper setting. I would have loved to talk with the coach alone but he is a little hot headed so this meeting was recommended by the AD. This coach has received several complaints about his behavior. Now that the meeting has been scheduled he is aware of my concern so cancelling is not an option. I just want the coach to be aware that our comments are valued by players and students and sometimes our comments can contribute to players and students quitting. I think he should apologize and explain his intentions if any. He has made a lot of degrading comments to a lot of the players BUT he wonders why he only won 5 games last year. Thanks again for your response.

tom2009 · Feb 21, 2009, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

yes, call it off and let the coach be a coach. This is different than teaching and for heavens sake, some kick in the rear is done to put some drive in them.

All he said was he was not good enough, I was ready to have him cursed out by the way you are talking.

And perhaps compared to 17 and 18 year old he is not really good enough for this coach. That is his call.

And really the job of the coach is to win, he is not really a teacher in that since, students don't pay to be fair and don't share time playing, he keeps his job often by winning. And often pushing students to win means making them upset at times and more.

Wow... maybe I forgot to state that our varsity team only won 5 games last season. They didn't win any area games. Maybe this coach's approach isn't working. Coaching and teaching are very similar. Society just allows coaches to be more "vocal" than teachers. How would you handle me telling your kid that he sucks in school and should quit! I would be wrong wouldn't I?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 21, 2009, 08:00 PM

Just not listening, it is OK for him to be tough when it was not your chlld, but now it is different,
Same story different day I heard from parents all the time.
And of course you can call it off, call and say you changed your mind and support the coach.

So some kids leave and don't play, that is how you weed out the kids that will be dedicated and not and then many kids are often taken off the team also.

To be honest when I was in high school, that comment of "not being good enough" would have been the better things he said,
Making it hard, very hard on the kids, pushing them till the ones without the desire quit was what it was all about,

And you say he is a coleague but then you say you could not talk to him alone.

But if this is all he really said, just stay out of it

Fr_Chuck · Feb 21, 2009, 08:03 PM

But yes that is what coaches tell kids to push them, sorry but perhaps he is not winning because the kids are not that good and need to be pushed more. Esp if they are having to use Jr Var kids in the Var team, it shows a lack of talent.

But I stand by it, coaching is not teaching, differnet rules, different standards and so on.
Do teachers get rated on the number of A students, if so why did not all of your students not have A's,

bones252100 · Feb 21, 2009, 08:37 PM

This forum was never intended for argumentative discussions. You asked for advice & got it. Moderator, please close this thread.

tom2009 · Feb 21, 2009, 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by bones252100

This forum was never intended for argumentative discussions. You asked for advice & got it. Moderator, please close this thread.

I appreciate your advice. I don't think this was an argumentative discussion. Your responses really helped. It's important to receive a different view. That helped. Now I can look at this situation differently. So thanks.