[blueiman]

Now that I'm single I have opportunities. I'm thinking of starting at work. There is a beautiful women here and I would like to ask her out. I believe I should introduce myself and ask if she would like to have a coffee outside work. What do you think. I have not dated anyone at work before but for some reason I have an attraction to her and I would like to get to know her better. Do you have suggestions on the approach?

[Krs]

Im not one to believe work romances are advisable!
Too many complications in d run long, and work related issues.

[Wildcat21]

Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

[K_3]

Not a good idea, if it does not work out, a lot of tension. What is the policy on dating co-workers?

[ilovcali]

No offense dude, but after that whack job you just got done with, don't you need some time alone? My ex was not nearly as bad as yours, but I still hurt and it's been over a month. Take up a hobby that's not a new woman. I started jujitsu and I love it. The hardest part is getting motivated and going to class, but once there I'm in heaven. It's therapeutic and a new skill set.

And based on your story, your ex has emotionally and mentally abused you. My ex did the same. You just broke up a few days ago, so the reality has still not sunk in. That reality is coming. Your last relationship sounds like it become a drug. Women like your ex are like drugs because they project their faults and insecurities onto their partners and for whatever the reason, you got addicted. Some guys are lucky and that doesn't happen, but most guys I think have dated a girl like that, who just made you plain stupid. And you fell into the cycle. Be happy you finally woke up. Right now, you don't want to quit crack and move onto cocaine. That's not saying the woman at work is bad, that's saying you're tryng to kick a habit.

Make female FRIENDS with no thought of being in relationship with anyone anytime soon. Trust me, just the fact girls are your friends, will make you get over your ex lunatic. The next girl you date, shouldn't be for awhile.

[kp2171]

Work relationships can turn out fine... think I saw a study once that said managers reported 40% of relationships in their office ended in marriage.

That also meant 60% did not.

I met my wife at work... she was in a higher, supervisor position. I ended up leaving for another job when it became clear that we were very compatible and both interested in seriously pursuing the relationship. Until I left, it was a lot of "sneaking" even though there was no policy in effect. Just perception issues.

So... I think ANYWHERE you meet people that you learn about daily or at least often is a good place to find a mate... certainly better than the local bar.

But, as mentioned, there are pitfalls, and bad breakups in the workplace are a distraction and uncomofortable for many.

And I agree with cali's post... if you have just gotten out of a relationship that ended badly, the last thing you need to do is just into another right away. You want to casually date... maybe. But again, workplace dating is touchy.

[blueiman]

Everyone here has the same opinion. Not a good idea to date at work. I have always thought hey why not... but, I would agree. If the job is going great why would you do something that could really mess it up. Work is tuff enough without tensions there for sure.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - you need like 3 months to heal from your last relationship. Seriously. Right now there is great chance will just screw up another one.

[confused25]

I agree with ilovecali 100%. Slow down dude, wait a couple weeks to start dating, and a few months to get into a serious relationship.

As for the dating co-workers, well it can workout, but it takes two very mature people to handle it properly if it doesn't work out. Moreover, you have to consider a lot of factors before dating a co-worker. The most important being, is the place your working at the place you plan on working at for most of your life. See, if you know your only going to be working there for another year or so, then I think it is totally fine to date your co-worker, because you'll be leaving soon anyway. If this is the place where you will spend most of your career then I would just take things very slowly and make sure this girl is really really worth the trouble. I mean, you don't want to change your whole career path just because you dated the wrong person.

Further, the thing some people neglect to think about is that your workplace can actually be a good location to meet potential relationship partners. Since you two work in the same place then it's obvious you two will have quite a few things in common. Also, in today's day in age, it's harder to get out and meet people since we are so tied down with work, taking care of the kids, etc. So work can really be a nice place to meet people.

However, as many have pointed out if things don't work out then things can become very difficult. That is why it takes two extremely mature people to be able to just put aside relationship issues while at work. Best advice if you do decide to date someone at work is to date for a very very long time before the two of you commit to a serious relationship.

Just take it slow and good luck.

[blueiman]

Thanks for the comments and I do appriciate that we stayed with the subject.

[K_3]

I have said this before about people in relationships with addicts. It is such a roller coaster ride, the highs are so high and the lows are so low, they get used to the intense relationships. You need to slow down and back off and get comfortable with yourself You will be fine trust yourself.

[talaniman]

Getting in to a relationship days after breaking up with a lunatic is not a good idea and not fair to use some one in this manner to salve ones ego. A better plan would be to heal from the previous debacle and work on YOURSELF!

[Myth]

All right mr. fix it... stop and fix yourself.

[blueiman]

Getting in to a relationship days after breaking up with a lunatic is not a good idea and not fair to use some one in this manner to salve ones ego. A better plan would be to heal from the previous debacle and work on YOURSELF!

Seems like the right thing to do. I mean wow I have gone through so much crap that I don't even know who I am. Well, I do but not sure how much damage has been done. I do feel a heavy load off my shoulders. So, that's a good thing.

Alright mr. fix it.... stop and fix yourself.

Yeah, time to fix me up real good. Good time to get a grip here.

[Myth]

I would say so... you seem to be going through a lot and taking it out on the people around you... take a step back and a deep breath and look at yourself in the mirror. Now ask yourself am I really happy with who I've become? Is there anything that I would like to change about myself? You have the golden opportunity here to be able to look at yourself and see how you need to improve. Please take it. I also want to say, and don't get mad, you really have gone off on some of the people that were just trying to help you. Go back and look at those posts without that emotion and you'll see what I mean. There are not many people that are going to help you from here on out, don't chase the rest that will away... Take a good long look in that mirror hun... It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do but I did it and you can too...

[Alwerd54]

Trust me don't do it. If things go bad, you're locked into that place. Just don't do it.