[N0help4u]

I guess what I am suggesting is she needs to maybe take some assertiveness training class or read some books on being assertive or something.

[l337one]

I did talk to him about it after I talked to my mom. My mom is royally pissed about this because I'm her little girl. I told my boyfriend to talk to them and that I wasn't going to take this anymore.

I would talk back to her except that he doesn't want confrentation so he asked me not to create any fiction, so when she started pulling me aside to "talk", I didn't say anything. I just took the and let her treat me like a 5 year old. I told my boyfriend that I'm not going to take this anymore. I'm not the kind of person to just let people run over me, but I've been doing it for the past year to keep my boyfriend happy.

He has yet to talk to them, but we shall see what happens. I saw her today and she was nothing but rude to me. And they only came to dinner for food and they left because they had to "work on their house". It was for a special occasion, the least they could've done was stayed longer than 15 min after the meal.

And! She's completely taking over my boyfriend brother's life. We are a somewhat group of religious people and we do go to church. I think that she is messing with his faith because she is not the churchy type. His mom and aunt are both worried about this for the sake of their grand-babies.

I will keep you all posted on what unravels... things are looking grim.

[dontknownuthin]

I think she views your teasing as flirting. She doesn't like other girls flirting with her fiancé. Also consider what your relationship is with your boyfriend - do you get along well, or do you have an argumentative relationship? If it's argumentative, people will eventually take sides.

Tease your own boyfriend in a friendly way instead of his brother. He's putting distance between you because he has noticed his girlfriend's insecurity about you. Try less to warm up to them. Some people feel that when someone's trying too hard to create good feelings, it's not real. Just relax and let things happen on their own.

[N0help4u]

I can see her not wanting you to tease because that is taken as flirting no matter how you mean it but it also seems like a power control thing because of how she treats you anyway and the fact that she teases your boyfriend.
You need to find someway to put her in her place somehow. I would discuss with your boyfriend about possibly not inviting them over any more due to her behavior.

[l337one]

OK here's the deal. She still doesn't like me for things that took place 6 MONTHS AGO. I have chenged my behavior just like she asked and she is still holding a grudge. SO! I called her up and asked her out to lunch because this is insane. She doesn't know a whole lot about me and why I am the way that I am and I know nothing about her. This will be a good opportunity to get to know one another and to clear some things up because I'm sick of this. SHE IS 31 YEARS OLD! Why does she give a crap about a 19 year old? Why does she care? Seriously?

I'll keep you all posted!

[starbuck8]

Good luck! I hope she cools her jets, and the two of you can work something out so you can at least co-exist without all of the drama and tension! If she doesn't come around, well at least you know that you did your part and tried to make peace.

[dontknownuthin]

Meeting her for lunch is a very mature effort on your part. I wouldn't make it into the Mideast Peace Accord meeting though. Just thank her for coming, let her know you've wanted to put difficult times behind the two of you and become closer friends, and then ask about her wedding plans... be enthusiastic and supportive even if you think it's the tackiest, worst planned wedding you've ever heard of.

Let her experience the improved you, don't try to convince her of it.

[l337one]

Yeah, that's what my boyfriend says. All you can really do is try. And I just recently found out that my bf's parents believe that she is being really imature, so I guess I'm not as crazy as I thought.

Thanks for all the help, I'll let you know how lunch goes!

[N0help4u]

Great if it works. You say SHE IS 31 YEARS OLD! Why does she give a crap about a 19 year old? Why does she care? Seriously?
It doesn't sound like she does care. You are the one concerned. Maybe she likes seeing that it bothers you so much. Maybe because she thinks that she is so much older and been in the family longer and sees you as maybe ''wet behind the ears'' or something.
Anyway, I wouldn't be too concerned, I am almost 54 and my mother and sister (in fact nobody) really has any idea of who I am and I couldn't care less about impressing them or trying to get them to know me better.
I rarely see my sister and every time I do all she does is make smart remarks about who she thinks I am. Like when my kids were little she thought all I did all day was lay on the sofa, watching soap operas and eating bon-bons and drinking soda. I don't even eat bon-bons and I don't even watch TV. She has no idea of who I am, my interests, my knowledge on anything or anything. NO skin off my nose!!

[l337one]

I care because this is a close family and the least she could do is treat me with respect.
Also, I have been in the family 2 years longer than she has.
And if I could just ignore her, I would, but like I said, close family. When I'm around her I would like to be able to be myself and talk to her without being looked upon as a piece of .

[N0help4u]

Well have the talk with her when you go out and see what she says and how she treats you. Maybe if we know how she is when you go out might help us to figure out a better strategy for dealing with her, With my sister I give her remarks back that shut her up cause I see she is all about her and her work and her family and nothing else.

[l337one]

Lunch went really well. We talked for maybe 4 hours and only an hour and a half was spent on this issue. And it really is not an issue at all. Everything on both ends was blown out of proportion by my bf's parents. They were really fueling the feud between us because they like to meddle in our business for whatever reason. There were only half truths and twisted words being thrown all over the place. The both of us said that we wished we had talked about it sooner so we didn't have to live a year and a half like this.

Thanks to all your advice! Things seem to look like they will work out for the better!

[starbuck8]

I'm happy you got everything sorted out. Unfortunately things like this happen all of the time. One person hears one thing, tells another person, that tells another person, about something that might have been said. It get lost in translation as it runs through the pipeline, and everything gets blown out of proportion in the end. Someone is always at the bad end of the stick when all is said and done.

I would however, be very careful with the things you say to her. You obviously talked about many things in the four hour conversation. Don't be so quick to think that she may now be your buddy, and in your corner. I've seen this happen many times, only to have it blow up in your face, leaving you left behind looking like the bad guy. So just watch what you say to her.

I'm sure you came home and told your boyfriend, just as she likely told hers. Sometimes people will keep personal info in their arsenel of things to pull out if needed. I would stay away from talking to her in a negative manner about the parents, no matter how meddling they may be. It's not a wise choice to form an alliance with her, when it comes to in-laws.

Good luck! :)

[l337one]

It was actually her that mentioned the fact that the parents were a big part of the problem.

As for right now, the four of us are just going to work on building a relationship together because we haven't really done it and spent most of our time against one another. That's the main focus right now, just work together and see where the path leads the four of us!

[starbuck8]

I'm really happy that you can finally relax and that the four of you can spend time together, without all of the tension.

I wasn't trying to put a damper on the situation, I was only playing devil's advocate.

All the best to you, and I hope all goes smoothly now.