[rutgersguy77]

Ok, I'm laying it all on the line in hopes that those of you familiar w/ this type of situation are willing to help me out... this may be long, bear w it!

All throughout my five years spent in college I dated the same girl, the one I had been with since our senior year of high school. In that time, I guess you could say the normal college students life, something you don't quite get a realistic grasp of in high school, I passed up the most important aspect of becoming a mature adult, which to me is know how to date other people and learn about relationships, how they work, how they don't and how move on and act when they fail. The reason I passed this up was everything with my ex felt natural and I do not have a single regret about it, in hindsight I wish we moved much slower than we did, but even at the time I didn't want to... everyone makes mistakes and they move on and learn.

Nearly a year and a half ago, that relationship ended The breakup was expected and obviously it hurt, but not as much as witnessing her being able to enter into a new long term relationship (this new mans funeral if you ask me ;) ) meerly a month later. I took that hard and it was difficult for me, and the way I delt with that was to distance myself from dating for about 5 months, which in that time I passed up a potentially great thing with a great girl, I just wans't ready.

However, now as time goes on and I heal I've been able to be social w/ other females again and manage to get a couple dates with some, but nothing I would consider girlfriend material, until...

A girl began working at my company who immediately I was attracted to and began conversing with. Some subtle teasing, nothing TOO mean lol ;) and light hearted humor, from day one I have easily been able to make her laugh. I know it's a co-worker that's a fishy situation and I'm smart enough to realize it (we can debate this later), so I backed away. Well one day we decided to do happy hour with some of my friends, and some of her friends at which time we found out we have A lot in common. Two weeks later we decided to do happy hour again yet this time it ended up being just us and after a few drinks she told me how the other girls at work with were telling her to go after me, and as she told me they said, "hes really smart but even better looking, a hard combination to pass up". We ended up back at my place, nothing physical happened, we were FAR too drunk to stand up let alone anything else... the next week at work, we continued talking and teashing like normal, but not spending any more time around each other than previously, maybe a little awkward but then after saying 1 thing about that night I had us both completely bent over backwards, dying of laughter again. I asked her out and she said 'not tonight, lets do it another time'. Well, now nothing else has matured.

Im sitting here trying to figure out why this is, I have not been overbearing at all, and not to be too cocky but I like to look at myself as someone she should definitely be interested in, I am good looking, I played baseball for my university so I have a good body and I have a really great job for someone my age. I guess I'm just curious why this girl has a great time, laughs all night, the next morning says we need to do it again, then acts NO different at our job, then says no to hanging out but suggests another time. I just wish that I would have not missed that part about growing up and knowing how to read actions and decifer emotions. From her perspective, is she interestd and not wanting to show all her cards? Or is she just being friendly with no interest? Another thing, after the night and all the fun we had and her saying we should do it again, I kind of expected her to call me or drop me a line saying hey. When that didn't happen I kind of took that as a hint she is not interest in another more, yet every single one of my friends, guy or girl says I'm crazy for expecting her to have called me. What to make of that?

I know there is A lot of useless information here, just explaining it all so you don't need to ask any questions, any insight would be GREATLY appreciated! :)

Thanks everyone!
Bryan in Maryland

[educatedhorse_2005]

She is just waiting for you to ask her out again.
So jump on in there and do it.
If she says no again then you can take that as a stay away from me.

[K_3]

Ask her out again. She may be cautious about dating someone she works with. It can get pretty sticky if it does not work out. What is the company policy about dating other employees

[momincali]

Is it possible she is involved with someone? Maybe someone at work? That would explain her behavior there??

In any case, you were not overbearing but, you need to keep your distance and make her chase you. Say hi in the hallway without walking up to her, you know, casual like, just in passing. Don't get caught staring at her, talking about her to anyone and don't flirt with any other girls in the office either. Come off really busy. If she approaches you, be warm but still keep your distance.

If she asks you out for a drink, kindly excuse yourself as you have tons of work :eek:, but would love a raincheck. Wait a week or two if you can bear it and then ask her out. If she says no again, at that point, I think it's okay to ask her if she would rather you not ask anymore due to a boyfriend or something.

Be patient. Good Luck. Keep us posted... ;)

[Wildcat21]

Don't dip the pen in the company ink.

She may not want to date someone from work. It might be awkward. It is awkward - maybe it's getting awkward for her now.

BUT - why are you asking her for that night?? You have to PLAN things in the real world. You just don't go out to bar on first formal date... BORING!!

Women need TIME to preapre. Women need time to think about the date - reflect. The ANTICIPATION of the date is almost BETTER than the date.

[Skell]

She is probably just playign a little hard to get. She will play little game searly on to see how you react.
Play it cool as well.
No need to rush. If something is going to happen it will.
But be wary of work relationships. It can get very messy if things don't work!

[gal_cara]

OK so there are a few things:

1. She is dating someone
2. She maybe doesn't trust you really like her. Jokes are jokes but you could be sweet too. Send her an email about something you remember she likes. Girls love this.
3. She isn't sure she is interested. Which you can make up for in number 2.

Good luck. And I hear you about you thinking you are worthy and all but people are really weird and fickle. Just talked to a friend who had a girl break up with him for a total bore. We end up with people for really weird reasons due to who knows what. Don't take it personally.

OH. And also dating in the workplace can be really really hard. And so can breaking up.

[s_cianci]

I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about things at this point. I'm sure you already know to take things slow and easy, especially with a co-worker. Just keep on being yourself and doing the things you've been doing. Don't expect any great things to happen all at once. As I'm sure you already know, being over-eager or over-anxious will sabotage all of your chances.

[LUNAGODDESS]

[LIST][*]She is feeling awkward:o [*]She is pretty and you are not the first to ask her out[*]She has only been on the job a short while[*]You need to wait a while.. she will show her true nature:cool: [*]Do not be a dog in heat[*]Concerning jobs and relationships use this visual tool... pretty sometimes mean popular:)

• She knows how much money you make
• If you had dated someone else at the job...she will find out

I can think of more but you need to get the message... office romance not a good social move... not even for a right now...

[talaniman]

Go very slow and keep your eyes open.