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Confused Woman · Feb 18, 2009, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

They cheat for the same reasons men cheat.

Can we please all behave ourselves? The OP is asking for help, not more condemnation and name calling.

If you can't offer constructive help, then please don't bother responding. I'll just delete your post.

Thank you that's all I want is someone who might have been through this to tell what they did to get out of it...

chrissymarie · Feb 18, 2009, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

They cheat for the same reasons men cheat.

Can we please all behave ourselves? The OP is asking for help, not more condemnation and name calling.

If you can't offer constructive help, then please don't bother responding. I'll just delete your post.

I think we are helping. She needs to see that her situation is not OK just because it is common. She is doing wrong. Her first step is admitting that everything she was doing was wrong and her husband shouldn't have to take any of the blame at all. He called her some names, that's no excuse to cheat!

Confused Woman · Feb 18, 2009, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by adam_89

Wow. That is the most messed up thing that I have ever read on here. Things like that make some women hard to trust. Why do women want to cheat. If your husband is so great then STOP cheating on him. What is wrong with you?

Wow my responsibility is not all womankind I couldn't care less how other women feel about me... I have stop cheating... but my ex won't leave me alone... then last week I messed up again... not proud of that but just want to know how to stop it... I want to tell his wife so bad because my husband knows and it pisses me off that she don't... but I never do and never will because its it fight with her not mine...

chrissymarie · Feb 18, 2009, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by Confused Woman

Thank you thats all I want is someone who might have been through this to tell what they did to get out of it......

Get out of what? You want a cheater to respond and tell you how you can gain control of your ex and keep cheating on your husband?? I'm confused.

chrissymarie · Feb 18, 2009, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Confused Woman

Wow my responsibilty is not all womankind I could care less how other women feel about me......I have stop cheating.....but my ex wont leave me alone........then last week I messed up again.....not proud of that but just want to know how to stop it..........I want to tell his wife so bad becasue my husband knows and it pisses me off that she dont........but I never do and never will because its it fight with her not mine...........

If you wanted to stop cheating you'd tel his wife. You don't tell her because you don't want to stop cheating. It's so obvious. Just stop seeing hima dn letting him contact you and you need to stop contacting your ex. That's how you stop cheating.

Justwantfair · Feb 18, 2009, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Confused Woman

Thank you thats all I want is someone who might have been through this to tell what they did to get out of it......

I cheated, although I am not quite sure that it was complete cheated, since I left my old relationship with the intent of NEVER going back for personal reasons.

I didn't require anyone else's input for me to see that I was torn between two people and the man that I truly loved, well I was breaking his heart, even though he wasn't even aware. Cheating is not forgivable, you will have a difficult time forgiving yourself, you will have a difficult time being forgiven. You made a mistake, you have been living that mistake for two years. You are breaking the heart of someone WHO LOVES YOU, for sex with SOMEONE who couldn't give a damn less about you.

You have to wake up, accept the responsibility as the responsibility is ALL YOURS for your behaviors. Cut this man out of your life, humble yourself as you HAVE BEEN SELFISH and do what you can to make the right choice from here on out.

adam_89 · Feb 18, 2009, 01:18 PM

Well, you need to step up, and suck it up and start being a real woman. Tell people how you feel. Next time your ex wants a bj, tell him to suck his own, and go straight to his wife and tell her to keep him under control. You need to start doing the right things.

Confused Woman · Feb 18, 2009, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

I think we are helping. She needs to see that her situation is not ok just because it is common. She is doing wrong. Her first step is admitting that everything she was doing was wrong and her husband shouldn't have to take any of the blame at all. He called her some names, that's no excuse to cheat!

Well when you go through this then let me know... when your already depressed after having a child and you hear those names and already don't feel pretty but the one person telling you nothing's wrong with you was my ex... then he became my friend again real quick...

Confused Woman · Feb 18, 2009, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

Get out of what? You want a cheater to respond and tell you how you can gain control of your ex and keep cheating on your husband??? I'm confused.

No tell me how they got over their situation to help me get over mine

Confused Woman · Feb 18, 2009, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by adam_89

Well, you need to step up, and suck it up and start being a real woman. Tell people how you feel. Next time your ex wants a bj, tell him to suck his own, and go straight to his wife and tell her to keep him under controll. You need to start doing the right things.

That's very upfront and blunt and I feel that... but I alread told him off so I doubt I'll have the chance to say all that... because I am changing my number this weekend

Justwantfair · Feb 18, 2009, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by Confused Woman

....I have stop cheating.....but my ex wont leave me alone........then last week I messed up again.....

Do you see any problem with this statement?

How can we know it has FINALLY sunk in that no matter what... YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION.

adam_89 · Feb 18, 2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Confused Woman

Thats very upfront and blunt and I feel that........but I alread told him off so I doubt I'll have the chance to say all that.....because I am changing my number this weekend

Well there is a step of getting away from him. You are being used by the way. In his mind, if he wants something sexual, he knows the number to dial and that you will do it. You may not be proud of it, but you still do it anyway. Well, sounds pretty low right now, but you can always work your way up. Just stay away from him, and a big thing is to quit putting your husband through hell. That is called Adultry what you are doing.

chrissymarie · Feb 18, 2009, 01:32 PM

You just need to start doing the right things and stop trying to justify all the wrong things your doing.

Choux · Feb 18, 2009, 01:41 PM

Girl, you're confused because you have to let go of the whole "love" thing... what you do has nothing to do with love, it has everything to do with something else.

Secondly, never service a man. :) If you want to have a varied and good sex life, the man services you and treats you extremely well.

I think you may be floundering in life... you desire attention at any cost. That leaves you emotionally bankrupt and confused.

Talk your needs over with a therapist so you can make some growth. :)

Best wishes,

Confused Woman · Feb 18, 2009, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

Girl, you're confused because you have to let go of the whole "love" thing.......what you do has nothing to do with love, it has everything to do with something else.

Secondly, never service a man. :) If you want to have a varied and good sex life, the man services you and treats you extremely well.

I think you may be floundering in life......you desire attention at any cost. That leaves you emotionally bankrupt and confused.

Talk your needs over with a therapist so you can make some growth. :)

Best wishes,

Wow I never thought of me needed attention but that may be true because I use to get a lot then none... and I didn't know how to cope or adjust with that... but thank you... that really did help and shed light on what to do thanks again:)

Choux · Feb 18, 2009, 01:52 PM

You have what it takes, you're just "confused" as you said. :) Take a chance on happiness.

linnealand · Feb 18, 2009, 08:23 PM

I also agree that you should seek out a therapist. It sounds like part of you doesn't want to do what you're doing, but you haven't been able to control yourself. I think there are self-esteem issues. You're willing to accept things that truly self-respecting people just don't accept. The talk about not ever wanting to be alone was another red flag. This is just an idea, and it might not apply, but you might want to look into relationship addiction. At this point, you need to get your mind and your life on track. You need to start seeing things differently, be able to put yourself in your husband's shoes, and start living the kind of life you can be proud of. It's going to take a lot of work, but it's all going to be worth it.

liz28 · Feb 18, 2009, 09:08 PM

Confuse Woman, I don't think your confused at all. You know right from wrong and have enough common sense to know what is right so start doing it. Stop hurting people that care about you and don't care about people that doesn't care about you and who only out to use you. Before you can love someone you have to love yourself and value more out of life and open your eyes in order to see what stands before you. Never let yourself be use while you hurt someone else, which is your husband. The only people who is getting huru is your husband and this guy wife but your hurting yourself in the process too but I feel bad for the other unexpected parties more.

Brooke8565 · Feb 23, 2009, 09:51 PM

I can't even understand why your husband would put up with this? You both made a promise before God, a promise that you broke. This exboyfriend or whatever he is obviously does not want you in a respectable way. If you care about your marriage, or your child's well being, then you need to let that other guy go and salvage what remains of your marriage. I'm not a saint by any means. I have struggled with a former lover for over 5 years now. But he is married, has a beautiful baby girl, and after lots of venting and patience with myself, I have overcome my feelings for him. Sure, I miss him. But having any kind of communication with him was not healthy for me, or for him and his marriage. But I made a promise to myself that I would come to terms with all of this before I married my fiancé. Marriage is supposed to be real. How can you just throw it away like that?

Confused Woman · Feb 25, 2009, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by Brooke8565

I can't even understand why your husband would put up with this? You both made a promise before God, a promise that you broke. This exboyfriend or whatever he is obviously does not want you in a respectable way. If you care about your marriage, or your child's well being, then you need to let that other guy go and salvage what remains of your marriage. I'm not a saint by any means. I have struggled with a former lover for over 5 years now. But he is married, has a beautiful baby girl, and after lots of venting and patience with myself, I have overcome my feelings for him. Sure, I miss him. But having any kind of communication with him was not healthy for me, or for him and his marriage. But i made a promise to myself that I would come to terms with all of this before I married my fiance. Marriage is supposed to be real. How can you just throw it away like that?

Well aren't you a hypocrite you ruin his marriage and then try to preach to me... girl please... when your marriage gets a little boring or you and your future starts to argue remember what you just said to me... dont think about the ex because trust you will... marriage is real and why you try to step in his relationship if you respected marriage sooooooooooooooooo MUCH?