[Atarimark]

I met my now wife 12 years ago, she had 2 children at the time.  An older daughter who was 8, and a son who was 4.  She left her abusive alcoholic husband, she moved herself and her daughter  to live with me.  Her ex moved to Florida and took the son.  The ex then ended up killing an infant and is now serving life in a Florida state correctional facility with no hope for parole.  My wife of course went to Florida and got the boy.  The boy just turned 16 and for the past 4 years has been in and out of mental health facilities, seen numerous doctors, counselors and psychiatrist.  Hes been diagnosed with everything from ADHD, Bi-Polar, OCD and Aspergers.  He steals money, breaks into his sisters room and steals her things, we turned the house into fort knox basically.  Every door has a dead bolt on it and lately he's been becoming violent.  He threatens us and the dogs.  He has real mental problems.  Every person we have spoken to from police officers, the DA to judges tell us nothing other then admit him to the hospital again for another round of observations.  There has to be some sort of help for parents of dangerous mentally ill teens.  Do we have to wait until he kills one of us in our sleep?

[rockerchick_682]

Sending him to another mental hospital might just make him more angry, especially towards you, but it might be the best thing to do. Try taking him to a therapist a couple days a week or even finding him a big brother. Sounds like this kid hasn't ever learned how to handle anything in a healthy matter.

[cordelia0507]

The situation sounds extremely stressful. Here are some further questions that might be helpful as everyone tries to give you advice.
--------------------------------------------
Why does he steal money?
Is he doing drugs? In a gang? Criminal behaviour?

Is he getting a reasonable amont of pocket money?

Has he actually physically hurt anybody in the family, or is it just words?

Is there a possibility to send him to a special needs boarding school or a military academy?

Is he ever 'normal' or is he constantly aggressive or hostile? Does he have a good relationship with anyone in the family?

What do you know about his background before he came to your family. What is your own theory about the reasons behind his disturbed behaviour? What do the doctors think?

[Atarimark]

The situation sounds extremely stressful. Here are some further questions that might be helpful as everyone tries to give you advice.
--------------------------------------------
Why does he steal money?
Is he doing drugs? In a gang? Criminal behaviour?

He doesnt go out other then to a gaming workshop where they play games on the computer (he plays runescape and half life) there. When hes not in his room brooding, hes playing guns or someother game the 5, 7 and 8 year old kids across the street.

Is he getting a reasonable amont of pocket money?

Stealing 300 dollars from his sister and jewelry from my wife isnt a matter of him not getting enough spending money. He steals staplers, tape, toilet paper rolls, old broken calculators and heaps it all in him room. We have to go in there once a week and shovel it all out.

Has he actually physically hurt anybody in the family, or is it just words?

Hes choked the dog and fought with his sister, but she punches back and he loses within a punch or 2. I had to chase him off out of the front yard today because he shoved his mother and was acting like he was going to hit her. He later snuck back into his room through his window and hid for several hours in there. He hits himself, slams his head against the door, claws at himself and stuff like that.

Is there a possibility to send him to a special needs boarding school or a military academy?

We've applied at MANY of the special boys schools and have been turned down by them all because of one thing or another.

Is he ever 'normal' or is he constantly aggressive or hostile? Does he have a good relationship with anyone in the family?

No, hes never just normal, at best hes irratable and trying to get people to argue with him and trying to start fights.

What do you know about his background before he came to your family. What is your own theory about the reasons behind his disturbed behaviour? What do the doctors think?

My theory is that he's mentally ill. I was in the US Army and dated a girl who was a medic at Womack Army Hospital. She was on the floor with the mental patients and I visited her a few times there. He reminds me of some of the people I saw there. Up until his fathers getting drunk and smacking the crying baby until it died bit, the courts in Florida stated that there was no abuse or neglect. The woman who his father was dating was interviewed and there was no signs of mistreatment there either. In my own view, he has real mental problems. He even at one time was on medication for hearing voices but they took him off those a year or so ago. I see him in 5 or 6 years either in a prison mental hospital or something very much like it. And he's taking my family down with him.

[ralanw77]

I am sorry to hear of your situation, and I am going though pretty much the same but unfortunately our law making society is creating monsters! At 14 years old my girlfriend's daughter is terrorizing there home ,taking off for up to 4 days at a time , having sex, stealing money , cigarette's , openly admitting and almost bragging to, smoking pot , doing extasy, drinking, smoking pot laced with cocaine, skipping school to go back and break into her own house with her 14 year old boyfriend to have sex and get high while her mother tries to go earn a living. My girlfriend has had to miss so much work because of her she is on the verge of losing her job and her mind! We must call the police every time she takes off to which she does not care as one of the houses that she hangs out and parties at someone named Dave the cop hangs out there too (this is her friend's house who's parents allow 14 year old's drink and do drugs in front of them) .Children's Aid Society has been involves for some time now and know the she is not being abused but say we can not restrain her from leaving but to call the police and report her misssing,but when we call the police they tell us this is a CAS concern to call them. When she is not high she is a depressed person and there may be some kind of chemical imbalance and we know she needs help but unless she is willing to go they will not take her. We tried couselling until she told her off and refused to go back , she has told her mother " don't you get it I'm going to do what I want and there is nothing you can do about it." The sad thing is , she is right and the more teens that learn this the more our society will suffer!!

[Jake2008]

The first thing you do, is don't give up.

I went through, am still going through, similar extreme issues with one of mine. When the behaviour turned criminal, against me, I pressed charges, and literally begged the judge to have her admitted for long term help. I could see no other way to help her; she needed to be contained so she didn't hurt herself and others.

We are 7 years later now, and she is only now starting to improve.

We aren't talking about normal teenage rebellion, or homone rages. We are talking about serious mental health issues, that, left unchecked, could very well leave someone dead.

While you have done much to help this child, you must do more. I found that the many times I addressed the court, I played 'the mom card'. Nobody had expected me to put my hand up and politely ask if I could address the court, but I did it because they thought I didn't know what I was doing. Truth was, I'm a very good researcher, and I keep detailed notes.

I convinced the judge to admit her for a 30 day evaluation, and at the end of that time, they felt that she was NCR (not criminally responsible) for her actions, and she was sent back to the psychiatric facility.

It wasn't easy. Taking away somebody's liberty still weighs heavily on my mind, despite the fact that everything was backed up and thouroughly assessed by psychiatrists.

Please, please don't give up. That kid needs you- to save his life. In the long run, getting him the help he needs, is the right thing to do. Without you, things will not change. And as hard as it is, putting your needs aside, and focusing on a goal (long term help) has to be priority.

I hope there are others who can contribute to helping you with ideas and things to think about.

[nicomomma]

This boy sounds SO very much like my step daughter... who has been diagnosed with everything from Aspbergers, Bi-Polar, to just a nasty personality. Our family's lives have been disrupted by her threats to kill us, attempts to do us physical harm, threats and attempts against her own safety, destruction of household structures and personal properties, medication schedules, verbal abuse... I really could go on. She steals and hoards items on a constant basis, including perishable foods that we find hidden in her shoes or drawers. She has flung pets across the room, tried to put her hands through plate glass, wrapped household appliance cords around her neck trying to choke herself, and has a vocabulary any sailor would admire. Sj\he KNOWS she has all the rights and she KNOWS she can lie to get us introuble, and will be believed before anyone will even speak to us. She constantly says we beat her and abuse her, that she is treated like an animal. Anytime she gets a NO to anything (No you cannot smoke, NO you cannot have sex, NO you can't wear that revealing item to school) the attacks begin. After multiple trips to the local crisis facility, Child Protective Services investigations and referrals to local mental health care (a whole 'nother issue) she is being facilitated later this month. We hope that she will find something there that we obviously have not been able to provide. Our fear is that she will either succeed in hurting herself (again) or be imprisoned for the harm she has caused someone else. We will visit her often, but also have a sense of relief that the rest of the family can finally relax and just live a normal life at last. Getting the correct help is neither easy or comfortable.. we have had to call the police to our home and have her taken away several times. Going to my professional job with black eyes and bruising is embarrassing to say the least. But my suggestion is document all of it, to protect YOURSELF as you try to get the help this child needs.

[emari]

We went through the same thing. It started at age 14 and she is now almost an adult. The time clock is ticking. It is very sad that teens can't see how important it is they get mental health treatment while they are still juveniles. Once the clock strikes 18, there is no place for them to go other than jail/prison. Our society really does lack any kind of care for children and teens who are mentally ill. Even if they were to volunteer to get help, that "help" often times more closely resembles jail than a caring environment, and they only come out more angry. My husband and I looked into private programs and they do exist, to the tune of $6000 per month up to $30,000. Good luck trying to work a normal job in middle class America and pay that monthly! As more and more people experience this, we should think about becoming organized and advocating for more treatment options. Also, there is "Child Protection Agency" in every state, but never a "Parent Protection Agency." These are all things that need to be addressed in an organized manner.