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need_help · Aug 14, 2006, 06:44 PM

Impossible situation

I’m 19 and recently moved back in with my mother after being away at college for 2 years. Although I was aware that my brother was suffering from depression and had missed a year of school before I left, the situation has become increasingly difficult. He has now missed 3 years of high school and will no longer speak to my mother. Any attempt to talk to him about going back to school, getting a job, or doing ANYTHING with his life and he will not speak at all. He sits on the floor and remains motionless, won’t acknowledge us or say anything at all. Despite our sincerest efforts, we no longer know what to do with him. He’s only 17, and despite reminding him that when he turns 18 he is legally an adult and can be kicked out of the house and that he has to choose what he wants to do with his future he won't say a word.

Any help or ideas would be greatly appreciated. We don’t want to see him ruin his future and were running out of time.

educatedhorse_2005 · Aug 14, 2006, 07:16 PM

Is he seeing a doctor.
Get him on meds and see a shrink.
If that fails the doc will tell you what to do next

Fr_Chuck · Aug 14, 2006, 07:19 PM

He needs professional help, contact social services, private doctor, but get him into a professional.

need_help · Aug 14, 2006, 07:28 PM

He refuses to take medication. We've had him in to see many doctors. He used to refuse to talk to them. Now he won't even get in the car to go see him. He refuses to leave the house.

educatedhorse_2005 · Aug 14, 2006, 07:32 PM

Your only hope is to call social services and have them remove him and they can do more for him then you can.

He needs professional help.
If he refuses to do what they want they will force the issue.
They will even go as far as an IV in him for the medicine.

What caused the depression do you now.

LUNAGODDESS · Aug 14, 2006, 07:44 PM

My experience is a warning*
Depression like his will led to attempts on his life and possible attacks against those he cares and love... get help... go to your minister and call social services... time is wasting... get up and save a life... care about him... allowing him... that is OK baby... is not helping him... sometimes people in the position your brother is in just needs a show of support... yeah... he is going to spit and yell and call every one bad names... it comes with mental challenges he is experiencing... get some help now... and get him some help... I agaree you are running out of time...

s_cianci · Aug 15, 2006, 08:37 AM

Has he received any treatment for his depression? This sounds like a serious situation. Your parents should speak to a psychiatrist immediately. If all else fails you may have to consider having him committed in order to receive the treatment he needs. A doctor can advise you how to proceed and you may need to consult an attorney as well.

Bronica · Aug 15, 2006, 10:32 AM

Well Seems He Needs Meds, But In A Similar Case My Friends Brother Did The Same Thing. Though Her Parents Contacted The Social Services And Ask The Question What Is Required To Raise A Child With In Guidelines. In Our State They Need 2/complete Outfits,a Blanket,a Light,3 Complete Meals A Day, Proper Medical Attition (if Needed) ,shower Facility.so As It Was He Got Just That! Might Have Been A Small Flash Light,cause She Turned The Breaker Off To His Room And Removed It! A Blanket Which She Never Washed And He Slept W/it On The Floor Any Way! And 3 Complete Meals Of His Worst Night Mare.. his Least Favorite W/luke Water And If His Clothes Made It To The Laundry They Got Washed. Deoderant Was Ever A Extra! The Idea Was You Earn The Extras W/respect! The Extras Are Done Out Of Love And Respect, Not A Requirement By Law. Use Your Imagination! Just Check W/your Laws First. Be Patient And Seek Medical Help.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 15, 2006, 01:45 PM

Some kind of major intervention is needed here immediately and especially before he comes of age. Your parents need to see the emergency of this. Once he is an adult there isn't much anyone can do beyond a Baker Act-like arrangement, which is only a forced 3-day stay in a locked psych ward at best. The homeless are often people who began just like your brother. Your parents need to be really diligent in finding some professional place to take him that is geared to break through his resistance and set him back on track much like the drastic drug treatment or adolescent behavior problem programs do. He is worth a salvage attempt and there is a lot of help in the world for those who seek it. After he is an adult, if he chooses not to seek it, it will be his choice. This is a country of rights that honors his choice unless he is so bad your parents successfully petition the court to revoke his status as an emancipated adult, which is a tough process.

Get on the phone, call everyone you can think of, follow up every lead until you find a place to take him.

JuLee · Aug 15, 2006, 02:37 PM

Personally, I don't believe in medication. Perhaps another approach could be, if all else fails, just be there with him. If you stick around long enough with a person, they'll start to open up to you. Try to be his friend; its all about trust. Eat with him, hang out with him and just be there, even if he never says a word, he'll soon break. And remember, don't bring up anything about his problems.

Taukame · Aug 15, 2006, 06:02 PM

I'm assuming that you are female and it's just you and your mother dealing with him. Some boys respond better to males, so it it's possible maybe you could get a male friend or family member to help you get him to his doctor or therapist. And I think that it's very important that you get him to his doctor regularly. Since he is still a minor, your Mom can have him evaluated by a residential facility. In this case there is a possibility that he will be taken from the home to live in a facility. I believe the older he gets the more difficult he will become and the harder it will be to treat him.
You and your mother can speak with the intake coordinator and explain to them what has been going on. Believe it or not, there is a diagnosis for his behavior. It's called something like oppositional?? Disorder. A lot of children have this diagnosis along with depression, impulse control disorder, and internalize rage and anger disorders, social anxiety. This is just to give you an idea of what you may be dealing with, and a place to start to at least do some research. Hope this helps.

LUNAGODDESS · Aug 16, 2006, 01:12 PM

Here is some hot sauce... stop everything for the next two days you will be in he**... since he will not enter the car... intervention is necessary right now... you and your mother are not enough... get family and other people he once care about... and ask social services to give you a number of a professional that will make house calls... do not stop... placing him on the streets will not help him... he will later become a society problem... If you have ever care about this human get him some professional help... get from in front of the computer and do it NOW!

betul · Aug 21, 2006, 02:07 AM

ı know it is very painful situation. I saw some people with depression. I am not expert but ı think he is under very heavy depression and needs medical help. And during his psychologic and drug therpy, please always be with him,don't mean anything that you can be kicked off because you are 18.even you don't have to look after him when he is 18, he is your brother and needs help.It is also very hard situation for him, he thinks that why he is on the world, he is necessary or not. Try to make feel him that he is necessary for you and especially for your mother and GET in touch with a psychiatrist who is an expert of this, as soon as you can