[BabyRae801]

I know that at any age ahving your first child, it will be stressfull, every woman young or old has trouble with there first child, that is a part of growing up, you lose friends etc etc.. you have to make sacrifices at any age of having a child, age doesn't make a mom neither does having a child, same with dads you got to prove to be a mom, etc etc. for the record I am 19 almost 20. I am still very young for all of this, but all of this that we are taking about is a part of growing up. Its life

[J_9]

Well, this is funny Rae, I take a special interest in you cause my daughter (12) is Rae also. Maybe that is why I was a little rough on you.

After having 4 kids and 2 marriages, I think the best thing is to spend "alone time" with your man. I was married 2 years when I had my first and we ended up divorced, not a lot of time to get to know each other. Then guess who gets stuck with the kiddo.

Believe me Rae, being a Mom is not always what you think it is. Think about spending weeks in the hospital with your kiddo who got sick and you have no insurance, the bills piling up, $200,000 later you have to work now, but daycare is $95 or more a week, etc.

Be stable in your relationship first. Could you do this alone if you have the baby first and he decides he is not ready for marriage?

[J_9]

Rae, having a baby is life, but you have to live life first before giving things up that you will regret later.

Live life, educate yourself, have fun now cause you can't later. Spend cuddle time with your b/f now. Now is not the time. As I said I take special interest in you since you have the same nick as my 12 year old. You need a chance to live first, you just got out of Hich School for crying out loud.

GO PARTY, HAVE FUN, not a baby!!

[BabyRae801]

I know I woudlnt be able to do all this alone..

[J_9]

Well, that is something you will have to take into consideration if you get pregnant now.

So...

[LUNAGODDESS]

Yeah... blame the woman when the baby ain't here... it matters that the daddy go to the doctor and... mommy want to be... needs to read more books on conceptions... it takes at least seven days before you can determine that you are with child... Are you smoking? Do you have a cold? All these situations can cause a delay in conception...

[BabyRae801]

Well there's a lot of reasons that couldn't cause pregnancy smoking, colds, etc etc... But understand how many people do smoke, weed included, have colds etc etc... And still get pregnant. Girls younger than I not even trying to get pregnant, get pregnant every single day... I don't think its very fair, but its life, what is fair? And it takes up to 14 days to show on a pregnancy test, at the least 5 days before your first missed period, sometimes it will show sooner but rarley

[J_9]

Rae, don't rush it. It will happen when the time is ready.

I cannot give you anymore advice, you are 19 and you know what is right and what is wrong. I thought I did too at 19, almost 20.

Just be sure you are ready to be a single parent... Cause you both are too young.

I was too young at 22, and at 24. I know that now.

[kymwm]

Rae most of those girls that do get pregnant at a young age will tell you that it was very hard & that even though they love their kid(s) they wish they would have been older. I was 28 & married for 5 years before I had my son. Sometimes I think that maybe we should have waited a year or two. Both of my kids were very planned ( down to the moth I wnted them tobe born). Yes, I was lucky that it happened when I hoped it would. However, I have many friends that were your age when they started families, & all of them say they feel that they missed out on so many things that life has to offer. I understand that you really want to be a mom, but with being so young, that might not be the best plan. I would hate for you to resent your child(ren) later in life because you felt that you missed so much. Part of being a (good) parent is making decisions that you know are best for your kids, & not always what you want. (ie. You know it's best to stay at home because your child has a fever of 101, but you stood in line 3 months age for concert tickets, & paid a lot of money. You really want to go, but you have to decied what is best for you litle one.) Just an example, but many times the kind of stuff that as a parent you have to decied. What happens when you turn 21 & want to go out w/ your friends dancing or something? Go & have fun, or stay at home because money is tight? PLEASE wait. Spenf time w/ you b/f, get married, do lots of stuff together, go to school, get life experience. Than when you do start a family, you can tell your kids of the things you & your spouse did together, & as they get older, you will have life experience to help them make choices & slove problems. Good luck with whatever you decied, but please think about it. What do your parents think of this?

[J_9]

Kym, that was absolutely beautiful!!

I know most of us women want to be a mom, a lot of us want a baby to love us, and love us unconditionally. One thing that we do not understand before we have the baby is that babies don't really know how to love in the beginning, they depend on us for their very existence.

I remember how hard it was to feel "love" when my oldest was sick, throwing up and constantly crying for 3 days straight and I did not know how to comfort him, make him feel better, even get him to sleep. I had not slept in 3 days so I was tired. All I wanted was for it all to stop and go away. The illness stopped and went away eventually, but it was so hard when I was so tired.

I like what Kym said too about partying with your friends. You aren't yet 21, if you are in the states you will be legal to drink on your 21st birthday. Do you want to stay home and change diapers on your birthday or would you rather celebrate?

You are 19, almost 20, you have almost 20 more childbearing years.

Take time like Kym said to get some life experience. Use the money that would be going for a baby to go and travel, party, just have a good time for a few more years before tying yourself down.

[LUNAGODDESS]

Get to know... I mean it really get know your mate before you jump in to marriage... it is a long term investment... that will show its highs and lows... get ready... the baby now makes the mission more stressful... got a baby sitter or day care service... are you an at home mom.. does daddy want to be the only one working for the family... really know what it takes to care for the baby and you and him... someone is going to sacrifice more of themselves... I hope it is not the baby... this world is going through some strange changes... do you want your child among them... are you having children that you hope will make a difference... think about it... really think about...

[talaniman]

I knwo that at any age ahving your first child, it will be stressfull, every woman young or old has trouble with there first child, that is a part of growing up, you lose friends etc etc..you have to make sacrifices at any age of having a child, age doesnt make a mom neither does having a child, same with dads you gotta prove to be a mom, etc etc. for the record I am 19 almost 20. I am still very young for all of this, but all of this that we are taking about is a part of growing up. its life

When you bring life into the world it is your responsibility. That's why most babies grow up in poverty, most are from divorced homes, most are drop outs... When young people get together yeah seems like you'll be together forever. The truth is 66% will be divorced and the man will be no where to be found. Yes I know... it couldn't happen to you. Since I doubt if either you or your b/f is furthering your education then minimum wage will make it very hard to earn the living it takes to support a family. What's the hurry? Why would you want to get married without the where with all to support this child the right way? Yes its part of life, but so is mature rational thought and planning. And I know you think you have the answers to everything at 19, but a word to the wise... there is a lot to learn about life and the curves it will throw you. If your serious about bringing forth life get yourself on a solid foundation to raise and care for the child first, financially, mentally, and emotionally. There are enough babies having babies on welfare as it is.

[kymwm]

Thank you J-9.

[tgoforth]

WOW! I am just simply amazed at all the "advice" you were given! Contrary to what some believe... There ARE couples out there that make it when they start young. I have been with my high school sweetheart for well we are coming up on 11 years now, maried 7 1/2 years. I got maried just a few days after my 20th birthday and I had our first daughter at the YOUNG age of 19 - We had our first house built when I was 18... Just because you are 19 and want a child doesn't mean you will end up on welfare! I have never been on any government assisted programs and we seem to be doing just fine. I am a stay at home mom we have 3 little girls and another baby due in April... I am here to tell you that if you are READY to settle down then by all means do it! If you let statistics tell you that you will end up divorced, then you will - but if you are determined to not be another statistic you will have the BEST marriage! I am not saying that married life is easy - it has its peaks and valleys but when God is at the center... it sure is much better! My husband and I have not always been on the same page but we are determined to make it through life TOGETHER for better or for worse. Now to get to the real root of the question... why wouldn't you just get married first? Is there something in the way of getting married? There could be several different things going on - have you always had a normal - predictable AF? Do you seem to think that you are indeed ovulating? Some women don't ovulate like normal which causes issues... This last time that DH and I tried we tried for a month and became pregnant but we made sure to BD everyday... I know that's not necessary - but I prayed about it and I really wanted to have an April baby. What is your view on religion? Im sorry that your feedback has not been that positive... but please know that there are people that have been in your shoes that DO make it and end up having a great family/life! :D