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talong89 · Feb 8, 2009, 07:30 PM

The Situation: Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half. We both love each other endlessly and we know that and plan on getting married later on after we finish school. I'm 20 and he's 21. He LOVES to annoy me.

How He Annoys Me: Calls me names: variations of fat and ugly jokes, slut, whore, skank, etc. Makes noises/sings loudly. Recently I started to get a few pimples here and there and went to the derm. For medication and then that night he made an acne joke. Makes jokes about me not being tan right now, or the fact that I've been slacking in the gym. Jokingly calls me , psycho, annoying. Tickles me, playfully punches, and what not. etc... it'd take forever to write down all the stuff he does.

I Know It's All Joking: I'm not fat, I'm 5'4 and weigh 115- I have a great body, and he tells me all the time that I'm beautiful, perfect, etc. I'm not a whore - he's the only guy that I do anything with at all. He tells me that he likes annoying me - it's fun when he's bored. I don't actually have "acne". And he too is pale and been slacking in the gym since we go together. So I know that everything he's doing is just joking around- he says that.

What I Want Your Opinion About: what would you do? With all the stuff that I've listed plus more that he does to me 24/7... seriously, not a day goes by that he does not do multiple things to annoy me. Would you get mad at him? Just joke along? Or what?

I know what I do and I like the way that I handle it but I've been very curious as to how other people would handle it. Feel free to ask questions...

Thanks.

neverme · Feb 8, 2009, 07:42 PM

Here's what I'd do...

Take my foot, pull it back as though I'm about to kick a ball and ram it where the sun doesn't shine!!

This is not cool, even if he is 'bored'. This is controlling and abusive. People who put people down only do it because they're insecure about themselves.

Empty Cans · Feb 8, 2009, 07:47 PM

I'm not a woman, but if I were you I would tell him to stop treating you like his sister... you are his girlfriend and he needs to treat you like one.

My ex did that to me... she just said 'stop annoying me, I'm your girlfriend, not your brother'... and it worked, I stopped doing it... its still healthy to tease and be playful occasionally, but if its happening to the point that its bothering you I think you need to say something.

starbuck8 · Feb 8, 2009, 08:28 PM

You describe this as playful, kidding, fun when he's "bored!" I'm sorry to say this to you, but you are being very naïve, and you can't see past the nose of your face! Are you kidding me? You would let someone, even in your description as a joking manner, call you a whore, slut and skank? Then call you fat, ugly, phycho, and "punches you playfully??"

If you allow ANY of this to happen, you are fooling yourself into thinking that this is all being said in jest! Do you have such little respect for yourself that you would allow this kind of behaviour from someone that claims to love you?

He is verbally ABUSING you, and you are passing it off as "annoying" behaviour. It will be a lot more than annoying the longer you stay with him! Trust me, I'm speaking from experience here. It is not going to get any better than this, and in fact will get worse. The things he is calling you are neither funny nor a joke! It WILL get worse! What do you think is going to happen when that "playful punch" starts to really hurt? What is going to happen when the words slut, whore, and skank get old to him, and he has to broaden his vocabulary? This is NOT fuuny! If you don't have the self esteem now to know this is very wrong, it will only plummet from here until you've hit bottom.

Tell me, did you go to the dermatologist just because you thought you should?. or did you do it because he mentioned it. Be honest with yourself. Are you thinking about buying a tanning pkg. so you aren't so pale? Do you go to the Gym strickly for you, or is it to please him, because he has said these things to you?

I think you know something is not right here, or it wouldn't be on your mind, and you wouldn't have felt the need to ask. If this guy loved you like he says he does, he would NEVER say things like this to you. This is FAR from a loving relationship! I would run, not walk, RUN!

neverme · Feb 8, 2009, 08:34 PM

Continued.. (starbuck) what I would have said but behaviour like this, both from the boyfriend and the OP(to be honest), angers me so much! She deserves better and she's the only one that can help herself.

asphaltangel23 · Feb 8, 2009, 08:36 PM

Just think of it this way"when you do, if you do" get "married" Honey you will have to put up with those names and gestures for the rest of your life. Come on girl! If your getting aggervated with the names etc. right now. Would you really want that for the rest of your life? That guy needs to back off.. Sure he may think its fun to do "when hes bored" but deep down its hurting you emotionally:(

starbuck8 · Feb 8, 2009, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by neverme

Continued..(starbuck) what I would have said but behaviour like this, both from the boyfriend and the OP(to be honest), angers me so much! She deserves better and she's the only one that can help herself.

First Talong, you have to see it. This isn't "playful" behaviour! This is how abuse starts. :( It angers me to no end when I see a young girl that just doesn't want to see it. I feel helpless. I'm not angry at her, I'm angry that it's so easily done.

talong89 · Feb 8, 2009, 09:09 PM

Haha WOW. Okay guys... seriously... you don't even know how I feel or handle it so how can you decide if it's bad for me?
First of all, I find the jokes funny... we have a very similar sense of humor. And the jokes that he makes don't bother me... seriously guys- it's not just me being blind and not wanting to see it. He's an amazing boyfriend.
Second of all, I've been in an actual abusive relationship. He was the one I lost my virginity to and I thought that he loved me. He abused me verbally and physically- then locked me in the house and took my cell phone so I couldn't call the cops... there's still an EPO (emergency protective order) against him. So, I know what an abusive relationship is, not to mention that my dad was an abusive alcoholic when I was a kid to my mom... so I know what to look for. I've worked (volunteered) with a local program that helps young girls out. I know what to look for- guess what? It's not present in our relationship.
We've had our rough patches here and there like every other couple does... but in the end we both realized our true feelings. You guys really shoudn't have jumped the gun with this... I'm not some young blind girl that's being abused.

Thanks for trying to tell me that I'm in a bad relatinoship.. but all I was curious about if every girl had the same attitude about that or what. I don't need anyone tot ell me not to be with him.

neverme · Feb 8, 2009, 09:14 PM

Who are you convincing?

Yourself or us?

Alty · Feb 8, 2009, 09:20 PM

This is verbal abuse, how long until it becomes physical?

Tell him you don't like it and he better stop and then leave if he doesn't , or accept it, become a doormat and learn to live with it. Those are your options, which will it be?

It really is that simple. Love makes you happy, not miserable. You asked the question, obviously you know this isn't right. So stop defending him.

mintah50 · Feb 8, 2009, 09:22 PM

That's not cool for him to call you that. You need to talk to him about these things. And if he won't stop it time to leave him or take a break.

smokedetector · Feb 8, 2009, 09:53 PM

If it annoys you, tell him to stop. If he doesn't, make sure he knows you're serious. If he really is a good boyfriend, when you tell him hey, can you quit making those jokes ALL THE TIME, it gets old, then he will stop.

If your relationship really isn't abusive and there is no harm intended or derrived, then it's not so bad in that sense, but when your family or friends or strangers on the street see these things, they don't know the context. They think, poor girl, she has to put up with that crap all the time. They think wow, what a jerk.

If you get married and have kids, your kids will grow up hearing that, and maybe they won't know it's a joke. Maybe thy will start calling you bad names. Maybe they will tell their classmates they're fat or ugly. They could ruin some kids self esteem, all because daddy does it to mommy and she thinks it's funny. I know it's way down the road, but you have to think about the long term consiquences. Put a stop to it before you get married at least. There's nothing wrong with holding off for a little while while you iron out some of the kinks. And you DON'T want to be married to the guy if he's ALWAYS going to annoy you. Believe me, it WILL get old after a few years.

talaniman · Feb 8, 2009, 09:59 PM

what would you do?

Wouldn't put up with it, but if you like your annoying b/f, I love it!

Brian007is08 · Feb 8, 2009, 10:01 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Wouldn't put up with it, but if you like your annoying b/f, I love it!!

So true.

My two cents: This all sounds a bit immature for MARRIAGE. GO SLOW...

talong89 · Feb 8, 2009, 11:03 PM

Seriously. I'm taking the post down now. I don't/didn't see anything wrong with our relationship. I was just curious... I'm a curiuos person. Jeez people. And marriage? I did say we were going to finish school first. We don't plan on getting engaged until at least a year or two after we finish... which is another 2-3years. And then plan on being engaged for some time. Andk ids? We're not having any. I've never wanted any of my own and neither does he.

De4rest · Feb 8, 2009, 11:12 PM

I will tell him that his jokes are lame and getting old and no wonder he is no comedian because he sucks at it =P Then, if it continues, I will tell him: that I don't like the way he jokes because I think calling me whore is so rude and so direspectful even my friends never call me names like that! And he needs to stop it.

Anyway, I am not trying to tell you what you should do or whatnot but since you told people that you have been in an abusive rel. before and your dad etc was an alcoholic maybe that's your comfort zone and you think that name calling wasn't abusive when in fact it is (it can harm you mentally). I am sure he's a great boyfriend at some aspect unless you will not fall for him. However, think again if you really like this jokes he's making in attempt to annoy you... why don't he try a new hobby instead when he's bored?

talong89 · Feb 8, 2009, 11:15 PM

If it was my comfort zone... don't you think I would have stayed with my ex boyfriend who was actually abusive? People... seriously. Just stop. There's nothing wrong between us.

De4rest · Feb 8, 2009, 11:41 PM

Talong, just so you know... I am not trying to point out that there's something wrong about your current rel. I was just trying to pour out my opinion in this post. So, that you will have some insight and in hope to feed your curiousity about this matter. What are you so mad about?

asking · Feb 9, 2009, 12:02 AM

Tell him to stop, that it's annoying and not fun. If he respects your request and stops, great. If he loves you and really cares, he'll stop in a heartbeat and he won't say that you have no sense of humor. If he continues or changes gears and finds another way to get under your skin, you've got your answer. It's abuse and it will get worse.

talong89 · Feb 9, 2009, 12:04 AM

I'm not "mad" just... I don't care what people think of my relationship, that's not why I made the post- I see absolutely nothing wrong with it- regardless of what people think on here we're both extremely happy together. I was just curious as to how others would react to him. I really did not make the post so that others can analyze and criticize the relationship.