[confused_woman]

Hi everyone.

I married my husband who is 9yrs m senior when I was 19. Been married to him for almost 7 years now and we have 2 children. I married him not because I'm totally in love with him but because of family problems and because I know he can provide all that I need. I tried my best to learn to love but it just wouldn't work.

On our third year of marriage I got contact with a friend way back in high school. We started to communicate often then after a few months we slept together. I knew it was all wrong but I can't seem to stop myself. Everyday my feelings for him grew stronger. More than 3 years have passed and we are still seeing each other. We love each other.. very much. He is single and wants me to leave my husband and tells me he's ready to take care of my children.

2 years ago I wanted to leave the man I am having an affair with.. but I just can't. I am so much in love with him that I don't have the strength to stay away from him anymore. I know it's all wrong to cheat on my husband but no matter how hard I try I can't force myself to love him, I just can't. My husband is a good man. Very good father. But I am not in love with him, never was.

Should I leave my husband and live my high school friend? I worry a lot about how my children would react if I'm going to leave their dad.

Or should stay on with the marriage and leave the man whom I love and makes me happy.

I need all the advice I can get. Please help me

[Perdot]

Hey,

Tough situation... You should have confided in your husband long back, before you cheated on him... You should still confide in him, but now that he knows you've cheated on him, he might not take it so easy...
Discuss it as a family without your lover first, then with your children, and then, with your lover and your husband...

I know, sounds difficult, but this will definitely give you better options than what you in your distress could solve alone.

[learnintolikeme]

In one instance you are asking for help. The next you are telling how you left home which was difficult to marry a saviour!
You are cheating on the one person that has ever given you any respect.
Leave this good man, go to your bit on the side.
But before you do this, Stop! think about your kids. Leave them with their dad, you know they will have a good life, don't put them through what you went through yourself.
Ask yourself. Why should you take everything away from such a good man to satisfy your own selfish needs.
Sorry to be so blunt, but hey your living a lie. Grow up.

[artlady]

I think you have to come clean and do what is best for the man who took you in and cared for you.He deserves the truth so he can make a life for himself.
Hopefully,you can have a civil relationship with him so that your children are not unduly affected.
To continue to live this lie serves no higher purpose.

[Justwantfair]

But before you do this, Stop!, think about your kids. Leave them with their dad, you know they will have a good life, don't put them through what you went through yourself.
Ask yourself. Why should you take everything away from such a good man to satisfy your own selfish needs.

This is an interesting perspective, that I really like. You are punishing the man that "saved" you from a childhood. This man has not done anything wrong to you, he has just loved you and taken care of you and you have been spitting in his face and disrespecting him for the last three years. Not only are you physically cheating on him, you have left him emotionally as well. You never had a chance to love him because you were too busy screwing up your marriage to focus on it in a healthy way.

I second that you leave your children with their father, come clean to him and take on your lover in exactly the way you have been, with no concern for your children or your husband. If he is the good father that you claim, the children will help to heal the hurt that you have caused and the children will be his focus. Then you will have exactly what you want since you have already put your lover above all else.

[drew_carey]

Why did you cheat on your husband? You might as well tell him before he finds out. This may prompt him to leave you. But please don't ask for any form of support from him (in-case he does divorce you). Morally, you're not entitled to any.

[ZoeMarie]

Definitely come clean with your husband. He deserves the truth.