[ktfereva22]

Hi, my name is katie. Hmmm. I'm 22 yrs old. Ive had a pretty hard life so far and I just want to know how to get over it. I really just want to get better. I'm just going to tell you some things. My mom was hooked on drugs since I was 8. she would go to rehab get clean for a couple months... relapse... then leave. Then she would come back. And it happened over and over like that until 2 yrs ago when she went to jail and she has been clean since then. However, I'm the oldest of her 5 children and every time she left I had the big responsibility to tell my brothers and sisters that it would be all right and to not let them see how upset I was over it.

I've also been raped by my cousin,my stepfather (at the time) molested me, and I was molested by a foster kid that my babysitter had. All before I was 15 yrs of age. Sometimes I feel like it was all my fault. I've tried to talk to someone professional before but it didn't really help me.

It just seems like now I carry these insecurities into my relationship with my boyfriend of 6 yrs. I love him to death but I find it hard to trust him. If he's late I get really worried that he's cheating on me or breaking up with me. I think I'm driving him away if it isn't to late already. I just don't know what to do.

I have anxiety attacks (the shaking kind) more when he's not around. I need advice please asap

[Fr_Chuck]

Of course little or no contact withyour family and stay with professional counseling. Then add group counseling with boyfriend to work on relationship

[cozyk]

Hi, my name is katie. hmmm. i'm 22 yrs old. Ive had a pretty hard life so far and i just want to know how to get over it. I really just want to get better. I'm just gonna tell you some things. my mom was hooked on drugs since i was 8. she would go to rehab get clean for a couple months.....relapse.......then leave. Then she would come back. and it happend over and over like that until 2 yrs ago when she went to jail and she has been clean since then. However, I'm the oldest of her 5 children and everytime she left i had the big responsibility to tell my brothers and sisters that it would be alright and to not let them see how upset i was over it.

I've also been raped by my cousin,my stepfather (at the time) molested me, and i was molested by a foster kid that my babysitter had. all before i was 15 yrs of age. Sometimes i feel like it was all my fault. I've tryed to talk to someone proffesional before but it didn't really help me.

It just seems like now i carry these insecurities into my relationship with my boyfriend of 6 yrs. I love him to death but i find it hard to trust him. If he's late i get really worried that he's cheating on me or breaking up with me. I think i'm driving him away if it isn't to late already. I just don't know what to do.




I have anxiety attacks (the shaking kind) more when he's not around. i need advice please asap

I am SO Sorry that you have had this heaped on you during your short life. First of all I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT damaged goods. Your past is not your fault and if anything you should be commended for taking on the responsibility of your siblings. If your counselor is not helping can you get another one? Just tell her, "I'm not getting any
Benefit from our sessions, can you suggest an alternative, a better match, or let's try a different method. I know counseling can get pretty expensive but some communities have a state subsidized program where you pay on a sliding scale according to your income. You have been with your boyfriend since you were 16. That is an awfully young age to still be with the same guy. Only you know the seriousness of your commitment and if he is the right person for you to be with. You are a young person with a whole life ahead of you, and you are the author of it. Make sure your choices are geared toward giving you the best life going forward. Your future does not have to be bad, just because your past was.

[roxypox]

Hi Katie!

I'm so sorry your life has been one hard trial after the other! And no wonder you have insecurities! Having to grow up fast, have people exploit you and molest you is a terrible way to live life.

I also want to add, that the rape, the molestation is not your fault! that your cousin is so twisted that he rapes a family member and that your step dad is not quite right in the head, is not your fault!!!!

But of course a life like this leaves its marks in you and no wonder its left you with guilt, insecurities and anxiety attacks! There is hope though! For you to get better, and work though your problems and the past!

Are you in counseling? If not, I strongly recommend that you start! So that you can work with the problems, and most importantly get some mental tools so that you can get through the present and find a way to deal with everything!

And like Chuck said: after you've started therapy, you should have a talk with your boyfriend and try to get you guys into couples therapy. So that you can get that back on track.

Like cozyk said, if you get a counselor and you don't have chemistry with him/her, you can always change counselor...

[Alty]

Hi KT,

From one survivor to another I know you can get through this, but it's not easy.

You've dealt with a lot none of it your fault. You were brought into this world pure and innocent, sadly the people around you changed all of that, but that was their choice, you had none.

It's hard to live a normal life when you have so much in your past, but it isn't impossible, not at all.

Therapy may not have worked for you but often times it's a matter of finding the right therapist, trial and error. Therapy is a great tool, don't give up on that, keep trying.

You have to let the past be where it belongs, in the past. Will it ever completely go away? No, it's part of who you are, but it doesn't define you. Make sense?

Does your boyfriend know about your life, the things that have happened? Do you feel comfortable talking about it with him, telling him your insecurities? It may be hard for him to hear but in order for you two to move on you must tell him.

Remember this, sadly, you're not alone, too many people out there suffer through the things you've had to deal with and worse. You are a survivor, and you can flourish, truly you can. Take it from me. :)

We're here if you need to talk.

[neverme]

I think Alty is totally spot on.

The therapist thing is trial and error you got to keep trying.

Your past is a part of you, a very important part. Strife makes us the people we are.

I thought of these when I read your post.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.

[ktfereva22]

Thanks guys for all the advice! It's really helping me out.