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angelbaby250 · Feb 6, 2009, 03:03 PM

Can a Minor decide were they want to live at home or with grandparents just because they don't want to follow rules at home? Can the grandparents take legal custody away from the parent? My daughter is 15 years old and we live in New York.:)

ScottGem · Feb 6, 2009, 03:07 PM

No a minor cannot decide. Grandparents can fight for custody, but you would have to be proven as unfit for them to win. And that's very difficult.

angelbaby250 · Feb 6, 2009, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

No a minor cannot decide. Grandparents can fight for custody, but you would have to be proven as unfit for them to win. And that's very difficult.

ScottGEM, thank you My Daughter thinks that she has some legal rights because her Aunt is a Judge and that they can get custody from me and I have two other children in my home along with my husband This whole mess has been real sticky I might have to seek some legal advice in New York

ScottGem · Feb 6, 2009, 04:49 PM

Do they have ANY grounds for you being unfit? Any domestic police calls, abuse allegations, etc?

It would be unethical for her aunt to exercise any influence here. I assume the husband is not the girl's father.

angelbaby250 · Feb 7, 2009, 10:15 AM

ScottGem,
No there has never been any abuse or allegations in my home I have a home they is filled with love and respect for one other my 15 year old never knew her natural father he died when she turned a year old and my husband has been the father figure since she was 3 then seven years later we started having more children my 15 year old tould me in front of her Dr that she hated me and wished that I was dead she went to her grandparents home on a temp basis then I receive a e-mail tell me they want full custody and rights to my 15 year old and said she is of age to decide where she can live, I state to them how can she be old enough to decide where she lives when she has to have my consent for everything she does. Then they tell me they will take me to court for those rights and will win and for me not to try and fight them because I will lose.

ScottGem · Feb 7, 2009, 03:44 PM

Take a look at this site:
New York Child Custody and Visitation, Law Offices of Rong T. Kohtz, lawyers in New York, NY, New York

It has both good news and bad news for you.

The grandparents are trying to intimidate you not to fight because I think they realize its no slam dunk.

How long as she been living with them?

Frankly, I would strongly suggest that you see an attorney and order her to return home immediately. Until the Grandparents file in court, YOU are her legal parent and they have no rights.

This would be the strategy I suspect an attorney would follow. Get a temporary court order to force the child to return to you. Use the e-mails as evicdence that they are trying to turn your daughter against you. Take that order and go pick up your daughter. If the grandparents refuse to let her come with you, go to the nearest police station and ask them to accompany you to enforce the court order. They should send an officer with you to do so.

The next step will probably be a hearing to squash the court order and ask for temporary custody that they will file. You can try to file an injunction against them having any contact with her due to undue influence.

Be aware that this will be very messy and expensive. The court is going to want to have experts examine your daughter and determine why she wants to be away from you. They will examine your home life and that of the grandparents.

So if you want to pursue this, you have a hard road ahead of you. However, unless, they can prove you unfit, I think you will prevail. The best interests of the child are not well served by grandparents who will spoil her, but by parents who will provide a firm but loving hand.

angelbaby250 · Feb 8, 2009, 07:46 AM

ScottGem,
Thank you for all your advice the site you gave me is helping a great deal along with your advice My daughter has only been with her grandparents a couple of weeks since she tould me she hated me and wished that I was dead then I come to find out she now has 3 tattoo's at the age of 15 I will be seeking out attorney first thing Monday morning

ScottGem · Feb 8, 2009, 07:51 AM

Did she get these tatoos After she moved in with the grandparents? If so, that will, In my opinion, reinforce their unfitness as parents. While tatoos are becoming more commonplace and acceptable for the grandparents to allow it while the child was not under there guardianship is not going to sit well with a judge.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 8, 2009, 08:01 AM

I will say this with love and hope you take it as such.

Sometimes you can win the battle but lose the war. It started when you allowed her to go there to start with, now this gives the grandparents some standing.

So your choice is to decide to fight or pehaps work out a visit program, allow her to be there on some regular basis back and forth.

At 15 you can physcially force her to move home, but at what cost and what price ( not only in money but emotionally)

I may suggest a group counseling for all parties to try and work things out.

I don't see a win/win solution here. You win in court, force her home and she hates you and tries to run away every chance she gets perhaps. You give in to grandparents and lose connection with child.

There needs to be a compromise somewhere that may work.