[talaniman]

If it was easy everyone would have there problems solved. I honestly find it hard to believe she has anything going on as what idiot meets someone for a few minutes at a ballgame?? And when does she have time to do anything if the two of you are together all the time?? You make me feel as this relationship may not be as strong as you say or you are very insecure, or there is something your not telling. Only you know your wife and can tell when she is approachable. Honestly I've never had your problem, we talk about everything... There is no privacy between us. It didn't just happen we work very hard at it, so I know this isn't easy on you. At some point your going to have to open up to her, and maybe she can allay your fears, or soothe your ego.

[s_cianci]

My friend, you've got a very serious situation here and it's time to take action now! Confront your wife and this ex (not at the same time but separately.) Your wife and ex are behaving totally inappropriately, no matter how "harmless" they and others may claim it is. You tell your wife that she is not to e-mail, text, IM, see, phone or have anything else to do with this ex, ever. Like I said to you in my first response, as far as she's concerned, he has dropped from the face of the earth. If she doesn't like it, then you pack your bags and go, or better yet pack her bags, throw them out on the curb and change the locks. Then you call her ex (don't e-mail, IM or put anything in writing) either on his cell or landline (probably cell is better as it's harder to keep a record of what's actually said), and tell him in no uncertain terms to stay away from your wife and not to ever contact her again in any form or he'll regret it. Not that you would ever actually carry out such a threat but if you intimidate him a little that might do the trick as far as keeping him away from her. You wouldn't let this guy steal your car, would you? Then why are you letting him steal your wife? Because that's what he's doing, little by little, and she's letting him do it. Now, getting back to your wife, she needs to realize that she made a commitment to you and has to honor that commitment, just like you've been doing. Since she's so set on continuing to have extensive contact with her ex, it's got to stop now. It is not right and has too much potential to lead to cheating if it hasn't happened already. Part of governing ourselves includes keeping ourselves away from situations where we'd be tempted to go astray. We're all only human so we're all vulnerable, including your wife and her ex. You certainly wouldn't rationalize an alcoholic drinking or a diabetic eating sugar, so why would anyone rationalize a married woman wanting to have continual contact with an ex? It is time to draw the line here and you, as the husband, need to take that stand with your wife and her ex. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking action. The only wrong you did was not taking action much sooner but better late than never. Now, if your wife absolutely refuses to comply, then sadly, your marriage is over and, like I said in my first response to you, call a smart, crafty divorce lawyer.

[Lacey5765]

I might bring up a similar situation say a coworker has this problem with his wife. THen use the situation as a time to express your concerns. SOmething like " I would really feel hurt if you still felt the need to be in contact with your ex. I know that I can trust you but I am not sure about him. Anyway, honey, I am sure you wouldn't do anything that might be secretive and would hurt me right?" You have to be careful how you confront it. Always use the "I statements".. "I worry that I could loose you" "I feel hurt that you need to be in contact with the ex" "I know I maybe a little jealous but..." It will keep her from being defensive and put the problem on you. Now we know you aren't the one with the problem but sometimes it is best to work it this way. She may honestly not realize that she is flirting with fire. Maybe she can open up and tell you why she feels the need to communicate with him. When she sees that this relationship is dangerous she needs to stop all contact with him unless you both want to meet him. Stop the baby making until this is solved. YOu don't need a child involved until this is worked out.

[mag oblivious]

If she displays any other preculiar behaviour, then confront her. I don't think she's cheating, maybe "the ex" is having some kind of trouble and needs her advice. It also doesn't hurt to be a little leary. There has to be SOME kind of reason. If she really does love you, she won't cheat.

[talaniman]

I don't think she is cheating, but doesn't see how her behavior is making you feel. That is for you to do, express your feelings in a honest way.

[soraya]

I have a friend who has a very good male friend. They are just friends. The difference here is... my friend tells her husband when they are going out, there is no secrecy. Plus, sometimes the 3 of them go out.
Secrecy is NOT OK in a marriage. I know, I have been there and put up with it for 14 years. The 1st 4 were great.
I would ask your wife to be upfront with you stating that you feel something more is going on

[self_lnflicted_hell]

I read this quote once, tell me what you think...
"If there's nothing to hide, then hide nothing"

I think this fits right in with the issue at hand.

It's kind of funny though how you 2 know each others passwords, so you can log into whatever, whenever... Yet she didn't make sure to delete anything so that you wouldn't be able to see it. That's kind of weird. Unless the fact that you show that you trust her "so much" made her think that you're not going to look since you do "trust" her. And since you do trust her so much, she can write and reply whatever because she thinks you won't look.

But again, if there's nothing to hide then hide nothing. I love that sentence :)

[staremonkey]

Take it from me (7 year affair, affair aftermath) YOUR WIFE IS CHEATING!!
I know you are feeling loyal to her now and you feel bad about invading her privacy. But you need to do what is best for YOU. Become very selfish now and think about this, if you cannot trust her after after 2 years what about down the road when the drudge and routine of children and household duties take hold. Your blessing is that there are no children involved. Do your private investigation thing and then decide how much is yourself dignity worth. Good luck.

[Mira559]

I don't understand why the majority are thinking this is just an innocent friendship? Just look at the facts... She SNEAKS off at a ball game... has love letters from him... and hides her computer screen.. hello! I am sorry, but she IS cheating. I think the love letter thing is what should have tipped you off. You need to talk to her. If you honestly think she is not cheating, maybe you are right. But you can't keep this inside. If she is in fact not cheating, then you need to tell her that she needs to be honest with you instead of sneaking off because that is the "cheating indicator". There is absolutely NO reason she shouldn't be honest with you