[Jlesnik33]

As stupid as this sounds.. how do you worry about myself and be more independent with out being a total jerk about it. I do everything for my girlfriend, and I never think about myself, I'm always worried about what she's thinking or what she's doing. And I don't want to do that anymore... ughhh

[Ren6]

I'm pretty new here, so I'd appreciate it if you could supply some more details. How would you like things, ideally?

[Jlesnik33]

I would like to not worry so much about what my girlfriends doing,
When she gets mad about something stupid how I could just let it go in one ear and out the other with out getting mad back as if it doesn't bother me, I want to be independent and just worry about myself, but I don't know how I get mad back I worry about everything. Its weird. I want to be the person who doesn't have to relie on someone else, but myself

[Ren6]

Oh. I've had that feeling when my girl friend doesn't seem to have the same feelings for me that I have for her. Not in the relationship I'm in now, but in one past relationship in particular. It seemed that she was always perfectly fine to be away from me or off with friends and I would sort of wait for her to call or come around. If that's the case, this girl friend probably isn't a good match for you, and another will come along who'll be much more compatible with you.

If this isn't the case, maybe your problem is communication. If your girlfriend is getting angry at "stupid" things, what is it she's doing? Does she yell? Gripe? Is she getting angry at stuff you're doing? You need to talk with her and let her know that her anger is getting to you. Being in a healthy relationship means communicating with your partner. Nobody can truly know what's going on with you (anger, frustration, fear) unless you tell them. I used to be afraid to communicate my feelings, but then I discovered (with the help of an ex) that it strengthened our bond.

Good luck to you!

[Jlesnik33]

She hates to communicate though. I try to talk to her and she says babe I don't feel like talking about it or I don't want to talk about its not a big deal. Its just It bothers me that I guess when I stick up for myself it causes a fight and when I don't stick up for myself I feel so bad and ughh. I know she loves me and I know I love her its just I always worry about what she's doing. I think its because she cheated on me that one time. And I won't let it go but she tells me she would never do it again! Does this make sense at all or am I just a ed up person?

[Ren6]

She hates to communicate though. I try to talk to her and she says babe i dont feel like talking about it or i dont want to talk about its not a big deal. Its just It bothers me that i guess when i stick up for myself it causes a fight and when i dont stick up for myself i feel so bad and ughh. I know she loves me and i know i love her its just i always worry about what shes doing. I think its because she cheated on me that one time. And i wont let it go but she tells me she would never do it again!! Does this make sense at all or am i just a ed up person?

Yikes! You'll be effed up if you stay with her and she doesn't communicate with you! Your feelings are a "big deal" and you do need to stick up for yourself. Have the two of you ever been to counseling over her cheating incident? Of course you're worried about what she's up to! If she cheated once, she'll cheat again, unless you've really worked through this with a counselor. If she's not willing to hash things over with you, you'd be better off with somebody else, trust me. It's not worth it, even if you think she's your one and only... I've been in that spot before, where I thought somebody was so wonderful and guess what? She wasn't. Good luck...

[startover22]

I agree, no more girlfriend and learn how to just be yourself before meeting anyone else. It is so obvious to me that this is not the right situation for you. How old are you?

[Jlesnik33]

I am 20 I really do have my whole life, we have been together for almost 3 years lived together for 2. It just bothers me that I feel as if I'm not happy anymore but at the same time I am!? Weird I know. But like I could have work 12 30 to 8 30 and I would call her like 5 times (the house phone) just to make sure she's at home and she gets mad at me for calling all the time. But it just makes me feel much better knowing she's there. And when she talks about her friends who are friends with her ex girlfriend the one she cheated on me with I get mad at her and she gets mad at me for it. I just want to be in a relationship and not seem so nosy snoopy and checking up all the time. But I want it to be with her. Im just a confused soul

[Ren6]

She's irritated by your checking up on her and your irritation when she speaks with people acquainted with her ex. Those are annoying things, however... your insecurity is a direct result of her cheating. She shouldn't dismiss your need to talk about this. I strongly suggest couples counseling... you would greatly benefit from a trained professional's point of view for this situation. Otherwise, you'll keep on going as you are, which is unsatisfactory for you. This situation is not magically going to remedy itself.

[artlady]

Sometimes for your own peace of mind you have to say to yourself*I'm just not going to let you get into my head* and mean it.
It takes practice but it can be done.You are in control of your thoughts,you have to learn to believe that.