[2468me]

Well I'm married and I found out that he has a baby out side the marriage I am finding it very hard to deal with I don't feel comfotable around him and more, I feel very uneasy about it every time he leave the house. Also lately he been telling me he want another child but the way I feel I never want to have any more kids for him ever.

[2468me]

Help

[ZoeMarie]

We will definitely need more information before we can give you advice. How old is this baby? Did he know and not tell you or are you both finding out for the first time? How long have you been together? Was the baby born after you two met?

[Justwantfair]

He had a baby while you were married?

He had a baby prior to marring you? And you are just finding out about it?

Can you give more circumstance?

[2468me]

While we have been together for six years and the baby was born 1 year ago January he know but it but did not tell me until last year he's sister know and a think a few others but not me the way I found out I had a funny feeling something wasn't right and I confronted him with it then he told me I we have a child that is two and a half already

[2468me]

[QUOTE=2468me;1530001]well I'm married and I found out that he has a baby out side the marriage I am finding it very hard to deal with I don't feel comfotable around him and more, I feel very uneasy about it every time he leave the house. Also lately he been telling me he want another child but the way I feel I never want to have any more kids for him ever.the child 1 gone January I didn't know about it his sister knew which its her friend and a few others knew but me, I felt something wasn't right so I ask him right out right he lied at first but the he came clean we have a 2 and a half year old. Some time I feel really down because I I'm the only 1 that knows on my family said but on his side every 1 knows. I feel so ashamed to tell any 1. Because of the fact I'm still with him

[Justwantfair]

You should not feel ashamed, you did not do anything wrong he did. Your family is going to judge him on these actions but they will judge him based on your reaction.

You need some time to figure out what you want out of this relationship, it was a huge blow and disrespect of your trust, you are now married and that only further complicates your situation but you need some time to figure out what you want and what you can deal with, so that you can come back to this relationship with a clear head OR you can choose to move on with your life without your husband. You need to go stay with family.

[2468me]

This the first time I'm using this I want it stay private because I just walked away from the PC and it just flesh back up for all to see please help

[TheLegacy]

As odd as this may sound you have two choices

1) end it and move on to find either someone else or live a life protecting yourself and living with the idea that your heart was betrayed not just by your husband having an affair but also a child that does not belong to you and him

2) accept that your husband made a huge error in judgement, but now he has a responsibility for his actions. If you are a couple and love each other - then it is your choice to accept that error as well and assist him in raising that child. This would mean forgiveness, an open discussion and requesting that he needs to not only earn your trust - but to acknowledge his responsibility - betrayal and need to open his life up for inspection.

Which ever happens - the shame you feel can either be you're feelings that somehow if he went to someone else, that you failed or a feeling of remorse at what your partner did.

Stay strong - he is responsible for his own actions not you. You now will be responsible for your reaction. Be wise - love is not a feeling but an act of the will.

[startover22]

this the first time im using this i want it stay private because i just walked away from the pc and it just flesh back up for all to see please help

2468me, you can log out or you can go to your profile and choose not to get email alerts. I know this is difficult and I cannot tell you I understand. I can tell you that the ball is in your court. You get to decide whether to stay and work this thing out or go and move on. I do suggest you really think about it... I know you probably already have but make sure that if you decide to stay, you stay with the intention of no resentments, you have to be able to live with him and love him, otherwise it is just a losing battle and a waste of time. If you decide to leave, you leave and figure things out for yourself. Be strong and live free of shame. You aren't the wrong doer here. He was. He probably regrets it big time and is so sorry, but sometimes that just isn't enough. Whatever it is you decide make sure you are going to be (in the long run of course) happy. YOU+HAPPY makes for a healthy life. I wish you the best of luck, and here is a hug!

[2468me]

Its me again on same subject as before the person that he had the baby with its some one that he was seeing off and on before he meet me plus he's sister know all about the pregency because its her friend, and she didn't tell or speak to me like sister in laws do what do you think of that I'm I been difficult her, does she not respect me at all WHAT?

[startover22]

2468, What do you think you should do? AND why?