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k3441 · Feb 5, 2009, 11:02 AM

Hello, My name is Kelly.

I have been an alcoholic for the past three years. I was abused as a child and abused physically as an adult, I started to drink because it was the only thing at the time that would bury my hurt.
I met a great guy so I thought two years ago and he helped me out of that bad relationship and I stopped drinking and still clean to this day. We have since broke up as of the other day and I'm wondering did I only replace the booze with him because now that he's not here I feel like drinking! I'm trying my hardest to keep busy but the hurt from the break up is tremendous. I think I can beat this I just wanted to know if it was possible that I have only replaced one thing for another.
Thanks

CARRIESCANDI · Feb 5, 2009, 11:07 AM

I think that he just gave you love and affection that you sought and now that he's gone your down on yourself.
But don't be!.
Think positive you can do this just stay strong

k3441 · Feb 5, 2009, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by CARRIESCANDI

i think tht he just gave you love and affection that you seeked and now that hes gone your down on yourself.
but dont be!....
think positive you can do this just stay strong

I am trying to stay strong and keep myself busy but I can't help but think of the nasty things he said to me the otherday.
I will mention just one, we got pregnant a while ago and I made to four months before miscarring, he told me yesterday that he was glad that the baby died because he would have to deal with me still. That cut me deep but at the same time I didn't go running to the liquor store like I would have in the past!

Justwantfair · Feb 5, 2009, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by k3441

Hello, My name is Kelly.

I have been an alcoholic for the past three years. I was abused as a child and abused physicaly as an adult, I started to drink because it was the only thing at the time that would bury my hurt.
I met a great guy so I thought two years ago and he helped me out of that bad relationship and I stopped drinking and still clean to this day. We have since broke up as of the other day and I'm wondering did I only replace the booze with him because now that he's not here I feel like drinking! I'm trying my hardest to keep busy but the hurt from the break up is tremendous. I think I can beat this I just wanted to know if it was possible that I have only replaced one thing for another.
Thanks

You should continue on your last thread rather than start a new question so that posters have all of the information.

It is VERY possible to replace one addiction for another, as often that is what addicts do. Have you completed a treatment program? Do not stay with an abusive boyfriend because you feel addicted to him. You need to find some healthy boundaries. Do you attend counseling?

Do not give your boyfriend the credit, he may have been your support system, but the ONLY one who stopped drinking was you, you are the strong one, not him. You made the right choice for your life, not him. Now you have to do what is right for yourself again, leave him. It will be hard, but you have proven how strong you can be.

k3441 · Feb 5, 2009, 11:35 AM

I haven't completed a treatment program but I am in counseling for dealing with abuse, which seems to help.
When my ex and I would argue he would always say look what I did for you and you do nothing for me. So that made me feel like he was the reason for my success not me!
Thanks for your reply
Kelly

Justwantfair · Feb 5, 2009, 11:40 AM

He is not the reason for your success and I know that you will have a hard time believing but he was a support system. You made it happen.

What your boyfriend, unfortunately, saw in you was someone he could control and abuse. He already knew from the drinking that you were controllable, he knew if he could help you quit drinking he could use it over you.

Real men forgive, he hasn't forgiven the cheating and he won't ever forgive the cheating if he is still holding it over your head.

None of us are perfect, but a healthy relationship is being with someone who knows our inperfections and loves everyday in spite of them.

artlady · Feb 5, 2009, 11:46 AM

As Justwantfair stated you are the one who is responsible for your recovery and no one else.You had to do the work so take the credit.
Know that you wanting to fall back on drinking is a moment of weakness but as they say in AA one step at a time and sometimes one minute at a time,whatever it takes to keep yourself sober.

Get in touch with your counselor and let them know you are going through a rough patch and maybe they can see you more frequently until you get over this trying time.
Best of luck and if you need to let off steam.. lots of good ears here.
Michele

k3441 · Feb 5, 2009, 12:12 PM

I thank you all for telling it was me that deserves the credit for not drinking and not him... I can't help but be angry and hurt right now actually I'm quite pissed off. I made a mistake and I regret it. I don't understand what his problem is either he forgives me or he doesn't. Not say he does until the next blow up... I think sometimes he's trying to see how far he can push me to see if I will drink and that's wrong and unfair!
I love the guy so much but I know we can't keep doing this because where is it getting us( no where) I'm tired of being sad and tired of being pissed off at least once a month because of our issues. It doesn't matter what I say to reassure him he's just going to think what he wants.

mishelly3 · Feb 8, 2009, 01:35 AM

Do something positive for yourself where you can meet new people and have all new activities, AA. They are awesome people and are so willing to help at any time. It will help with your anger and will help discover hopfly a new you.

Best of luck

Choux · Feb 8, 2009, 11:24 AM

It is very common for alcoholics to replace another negative behavior with the addiction to alcohol.

That seems like a "cure", but it isn't; it's just swithching of underlying feelings to something else.

Get yourself to AA asap. :)

k3441 · Feb 24, 2009, 08:04 AM

I just wanted to say that I have went to my first AA meeting and I'm going to stick with it! The people there are so nice and they understand what I have been through! I thought I could stay sober myself but I'n reality I need the help AA offers, so ty to all for your help.

Justwantfair · Feb 24, 2009, 08:08 AM

AA is a wonderful program and it helps SO much to be around others that can relate to your situation personally. An addicts mind works very obsessively. You are on a great path, make some huge lifestyle changes.

Good luck to you and God bless.

talaniman · Feb 24, 2009, 08:29 PM

Not unusual at all to escape one addiction, and replace it with another. You do it to feel good, but there are better ways than that.

Pat yourself on the back for getting where you are, and being smart enough to get support for your continued sobriety, and help with the issues that got you drunk in the first place. Way to go!