[twosoulsup]

My husband has custody of his son. We went to court 5 years ago and proved the mother unfit. He has lived with us 6 years. For the 9 year we have been married the mother has continually bashed me to my husbands son. He is now 14 1/2 and has become very rebellious, angry,falling grades, threatening me bodily harm, threatening to his mother to burn our house down, hateful towards me, cussing me and the mother continues to encourage the behavior via telephone several times a day long distance. My husband and I are at a loss as to what to do. We have had a recorder on the phone for several year due to the corruptive and destructive conversations he and his mother have. My question is: is there some kind of charge or something we can press on her to stop this that she is doing to our child? She tells him to turn the phone recorder off when we have told him not to. She tells him he does not have to listen to me when we have told him different. She encourages him to break certain rules we have because she does not like them and he breaks those rules. Is she breaking the law and if so what law is it? Please Help! We are in Georgia. Thank you.

[twinkiedooter]

What provisions for telephone contact are in the custody order? Why is she allowed to call him several times a day?

[twosoulsup]

There are no provisions in the custody papers concerning telephone conversations. This has been going on for almost 3 years. I went back to work full time then due to our boys going into middle school and not getting home till after 4pm. The several calls a day started then. He and I had a very good relationship prior to then. The phone calls have been destructive and attacking me and his father since then but mostly the attacks are on me and any rules I ask him to follow, the mother supports her sons hostility and seems to relish in it. My husband has told his son that any rules made by either of us are to be followed in our home.

[Compared2nAuthr]

Legally there is not a law that prevents a parent from being irresponsible unless it involves neglect or abuse in their obvious forms.

Of course there are laws that a minor can break if the minor commits illegal acts such as violence, arson, truancy etc.

There is no short answer/recommendation to your situation beyond : If one side of the family is healthier, stronger and consistent in their rearing of a child it will prevail.
I suspect that both sides are experiencing some parental weaknesses.

[twosoulsup]

My husband does not want to alienate his son from his mother no matter how bad she is. But I do believe my husband is not tough enough on either the mother or son to stop all the Chaos they are causing in our home. I have a son of my own we are raising too. He does exceptionally well in school and is a good kid, He too does not like all our other son is doing in the home. I was told that there may be a injunction we can get against the mother to stop the abusive communication. I think myself that it would be best if my husband cut the communication between our son and his mother or told her that we would be forced to do it unless she can provide a more positive type of communication. I suggested that we block her #, my husband said no that it would anger Brandon (son) more. He does have a terrible anger problem. We have sought counseling but he manipulated the counselor. He is very good at that as well as a experienced Liar. He mother is a pro at these things also and suggests to our son that he lie to us too.
I am at a loss. My husband is considering giving custody back to the crappy mother so that our family can quit being affected by the son and mother and all the chaos from the two of them. I do not see how that could be good or how it will remedy the problem. It is like putting Brandon into the devils hands.

[Compared2nAuthr]

The first admission in your reply is that you don't think Dad is as tough as he should/could be on either ex or son. That's probably very accurate as it's your first instinct.
About the ex there's obviously no way to be tough on her as she is already tough and able to cross decent boundaries. Your sons should be the only focus. Dad is probably ill equipped to deal with matters as complex as this, most are. Are both your sons treated fundamentally the same? Does Dad spend alone time with both sons teaching and nurturing while outside of work? Do family outings ever happen? Does the troubled son have a coach? Is there drugs and/or alcohol in the picture yet?

[twosoulsup]

Our sons are our only focus. The problem is that she is screwing with her sons head long distance. She already did this to another son who is 22. Did the same thing with his father and step mother. That son is 22 and worthless.
Both sons are treated equally. The good one does his few chores, does well in school and is respectful to me (his mom) and his stepfather. But he does not have a dad messing with his head either. My step son thinks he is above the rules and can make his own. His mother says you do not have to do that so he doesn't. They joke about breaking rules.My husband tries to spend time equally with both boys but his son requires much more, he is very jealous of time spent with myself or my son. His mother feeds this and tells him that is your father not his. We do go on family outings, his son try's to hog any and all attention. The troubled son is in ball and has coaches, but they are all new coaches. The troubled son has been caught recently with cigarettes, dip and beer.
I am home with the step son today because he has a fever. I went to work for a few hours this morning and then came home. He had been on the phone with his mom, when I listened to the recording she tells him to turn off the recorder and he does. He turns it back on probably when I pull in drive.
The mother calls here after I get home, I tell her Brandon is asleep, I then ask her to not call here and ask Brandon to disobey our rules (the recorder) and to pleasequit calling and being so destructive, she then says "well if your going to have a recorder then you are going to hear all kinds of stuff" I told her she is only hurting her son she then says
" Oh I can't call there" and hangs up on me. I preceded to call her back and left a message in response telling her that I have asked her nicely to quit with the destructive phone calls. My husband calls me a few minutes later saying she left a message on his cell phone that I said she can not call here. I told him that is not so, besides it is all recorded and he can hear the whole thing. He will deal with her tonight instead of at work. So at the moment I have all the phones unnoticeable unplugged and have my cell phone for a phone so that she may not call here and Lie to our son while I am home alone with him.She will lie to him as well about what was said and he would confront me. I do not trust his anger.

[cdad]

Since this is a legal board here is the legal advice. You recording phone conversations may be in itself illegal. So for one thing you should stop that right away and get an answering machine. Another thing is if she is continuing to be hostile in that fashion you can get a restraining order against her. That order will at its intention limit her conduct. If she wishs to continue then she can sit in jail and try to make calls from there. If it continues after that then you might want to adopt and have her removed of her parental rights. Regardless his son needs to obey the house rules so long as they are reasonable. If the dad has given you authority in the home then that must be respected.

[twosoulsup]

The recordings are not illegal in Georgia if parties are notified that they are being recorded which our son and his mom do know they are being recorded. Thank you about the restraining order. I did not know that could stop her from the phone calls. His dad has given me the authority to enforce rules but his mom says no you don't have to do it. Our rules are simple, do well in school, make your bed in the morning and pick up your room,do your few chores on your chore day and respect all in the house. Chores take 30 minutes. A week tops. I will check into the restraining order. Another person said to get a injunction to stop the abusive communications. I have to check into that too, I have never heard of that. Thank you all so much for your input.

[cdad]

The recordings are not illegal in Georgia if parties are notified that they are being recorded which our son and his mom do know they are being recorded. Thank you about the restraining order. I did not know that could stop her from the phone calls. His dad has given me the authority to enforce rules but his mom says no you don't have to do it. Our rules are simple, do well in school, make your bed in the morning and pick up your room,do your few chores on your chore day and respect all in the house. Chores take 30 mins. a week tops. I will check into the restraining order. Another person said to get a injunction to stop the abusive communications. I have to check into that too, I have never heard of that. thank you all so much for your input.

The restraining order isn't to stop the phone calls. Its to limit the content of them. You could ask the court for a decision on what's reasonable as far as calls goes but it seems your main concern was content. That's what the focus should be when the restraining order is sought. It for conduct.

[twosoulsup]

Yes it is the content and that they are 3 or more times a day with destructive content. We do not want to cut him off from her we just want her to have normal mother son conversations with her son. Thank you.

[twinkiedooter]

I think three times a day to be calling someone long distance is a bit excessive. Can't you somehow limit her telephoning to three times a week at certain hours? Can't dad show some backbone in this situation?

He could go back to court and have that type of "visitation" added into the custody order. It might be worth the price of attorney's fees to get some sort of handle on her "visitations" as the visits she has now is quite excessive and destructive.

Make an appointment with an attorney to see how he can curb her legally as soon as possible.

I read your other post and you stated a different time frame that the husband had custody of the child.

Oh, if he has custody, does he make her pay any child support for this son? Have him look into that aspect as well when you two visit the attorney. She might sing a different tune when it comes to fulfilling her end of the child financially. Instead of spending her time on the phone, she just might have to get a job and spend her time a little more constructively. Dad sounds like he needs to grow a spine or the kid is headed for a life of crime and prison just like his older brother did. Or like you mentioned in the other post, have the attorney look into giving her custody of the son. Either way, he sounds like he is going to be causing too much trouble for a dad who doesn't like to make "waves". I feel very sorry for your other son who is a "good kid". I'm just wondering how long this good kid is going to last with a rotten role model living in the same household.