[Larry T]

Hello, I am 47 years old and has always been very active physically. I had never said I can't do something and always got the job done whatever it was. In 2006 I had an L-4,L-5,S1 spinal fusion. It was considered to be failed and I have some nerve damage as a result.
I also have severe IBS and severe Gerd that I have had surgery for that just redirected the issues and have made the IBS worse.
Since I was fired from my job after the injury that left me with the disability with my back, and a disability settlement afterward that has turned into a slap in the face for what has resulted I am now for the first time in my life trying to find a direction.
Living in Wisconsin with miserable cold sometimes I find myself in so much pain that I can hardly walk. My legs, back, hips and buttocks lock up and I can barely move. The pain is so great it sometimes brings tears to my eyes.
Normally I was always able to endure pain and not overcome. But now I am in pain more often than not. I do not and will not take pain killers unless it is so bad that I am vomiting which has been happening fairly often now but I still stay away from pain killers generally.
I have a limited ( GED ) education and lived my life performing manual labor.
Now I am limited to a 15 pound lifting capacity, resting between 5 minutes of walking and/ or standing as well as limited as to how far I can feel comfortable away from a bathroom. Just being in an area now that has no nearby bathroom makes me nervous which causes an episode. I am terrified to do anything like going out in a boat and it has been years since I have done so. I attempt to do things beyond my limitations and at the time it is difficult but I succeed. Afterward I am in so much pain I would just rather die. I get very irritable, and cannot think straight at all. I cannot take pain killers because I do not want to become addicted, and I do not want to be under the influence if I need to drive or operate anything. I have been trying to get a towing business started but it is slow going. One day I had several calls and actually felt good about how things are going. Then about an hour after I sat down to rest I could barely stand or walk. The pain was unbearable but I have a wife and two small children. I need to do what I can to support them even with a limited education but finding a job is tough. Even if I found a good job I am terrified of what will happen. I will eventually be asked to do something I know I shouldn't but I can't say no. I will not keep a job by saying no. I cannot shovel snow but most jobs in my type of work require it. I am afraid that if I do something to please the boss I will hurt myself worse, and not be able to function at home or possibly be in too much pain to make it to work the next day. I have been staying at home mostly except when I get a towing call. I take my kids to school and pick them up. I do what I can around the house, but I always have the ability to rest when I need to. There are times I need to stop and lay flat. If I lay there a while I can keep going a bit longer. Still in pain but at least I can usually finish what I am doing.

Please explain to me where I fit in, and what I can do as far as helping to support my family. I apply for employment but I do not get as much as an interview. I do not even know how I would handle an interview at this point. I cannot lie, but if I tell the truth what chance do I have ? If I lie I am setting myself up for failure and humiliation.
My wife knows I hurt but I really don't think she understands how bad. I try not to show when I am hurting because I want to be who I was and not who I am. I do not ant people to see me in pain or unable to do things. Things have really gotten worse here and I am not sure what to do.

Please, does anyone have any thoughts on what I can do ? I am becoming desperate to find a direction.


Thank you

[Fr_Chuck]

Not sure where you live, have you looked into Social Security Disability

Have you looked at getting new job training for computers, and other work

Perhaps working at a counter for auto parts or some car repair shop

A dispatcher for a tow company or taxi company.

[Larry T]

I don't think I would be elgible for Social security as well as I cannot just sit. I have to be doing something or it drives me nuts. But then on the other hand I usually over do it and end up laid up for a few days.
I have applied for driver positions for auto parts companies. I have problems sitting for long periods such as a half an hour makes me pretty sore. I have tried different chairs and postures. I fractured t-5 years ago in an auto accident so where I compensate for one I cause problems with the other. I am also trying to get back into what I used to do but at a different level or different side of things. Unfortunately I do not even get an interview.
I wouldn't mind trying something new, I just hope they are a bit understanding If I need to change positions often, etc. I just cannot get anyone to look twice. I think the age plus the new problem kind of scares people away.
At this point I am not sure schooling is an option. Unless it is really cheap or I can find a grant or something we are just so tight with finances. We fall behind on our house payments and have both had to cash in our 401k plans to keep above water. If I cannot get something going soon we may lose everything that we worked our butts off for.
At one point in life I used to work 80 hours a week. Then I worked full time and ran a home improvement business on the side. So I have always been one to work my butt off to make ends meet and sometimes be able to put something away.

[rposthau]

I know the feeling sir. I did not have surgery but I do have several lower and upper back afflictions that cause a horrible gnawing pain, like a toothache. Sometimes if it got bad enough, there was not a position I could get in to afford any relief. I had always been a printer and could no longer do anything near as physical. I applied for Vocational Rehabilitation. I believe it is available in every state. I was sent to college and obtained a B.S. from Purdue University when I was 39 years old. I was also diagnosed with depression but ignored that. I wasn't "depressed". I got a job soon after graduation. It was literally my ideal job. I won't bore you with all details, but after about 3 1/2 years one of my best friends put an ak47 (high-powered, soviet bloc, military weapon) in his mouth and pulled the trigger. My other best friend was diagnosed with cancer and I was with him only 3 weeks later when he died. This happened 6 months after my other friend's suicide. A few months later my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Thanksgiving eve. On Christmas night, one month later, my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital. She died 3 weeks later. In the meantime my back pain became worse than ever. My boss, a physician, suggested I try narcotics for a while. He wrote me a couple of prescriptions for pain meds. I used them for a few weeks and realized it was taking more and more to work so I quit taking them. A few weeks later my boss, the "doc" said he had reports I had been "slurring my speech and stumbling around all over the county". ( I was a high-profile public official, appearing in the newspaper 3 or 4 times a week, everybody knew me) I was horrified! I had raised two of my sons as a single dad since they were 3 and 1. The good doctor insenuated that I was "under the influence" while driving with my sons in the car. I was scared to death I might lose my kids! A couple of months later he again accused me. This time I immediately took a drug test, alcohol, liver function, etc. on my own. I didn't even drink alcohol at all. I hadn't taken pain meds for a month before the first accusation. Several other things happened, including my boss visited my doctor and demanded to see my medical records. I was so fearful after the good doctor, my boss, "diagnosed" me with severe depression and threatened to put me in a "hospital" for as long as he thought he should. I got the message and resigned. Two days later, on the front page of the newspaper, my boss was quoted regarding me, "He has had some problems for sometime." "The staff has been doing his job." I was destroyed! I filed a complaint with the EEOC. My ex-employer lied profusely, portrayed me as crazy and a liar. The EEOC believed them. In the meantime I have mailed almost 40 well-targeted resumes but haven't received even one response. The rumors started by my employer were then "confirmed" on the front page of the newspaper. I am on disability but every month I get farther and farther behind. I am currently about $8,000.00 behind in rent alone. I tried to find a lawyer to take my case for a lawsuit but they all tended to believe my ex-emplyer's story because it didn't make sense for them to lie and compound problems. I decided to file myself because I still believe in the truth and my ability to reveal the truth. In the meantime my pain worsened so much I had to take pain meds again. I was taking morphine daily. I became addicted, not abusing them, physically addicted. If I didn't take the meds, I suffered withdrawal like a heroin addict. I went through 3 years of hell. I was sure that everyone, in the world, would be better off without me. I was a huge burden on everyone. I had this horrible feeling inside that I was actually going mad. The fear was incredible. As a last resort I sought treatment for depression. I was also diagnosed with adhd and anxiety disorder. Everything made sense from my first memory as a child! I was prescribed Effexor and adderall. Within one week, which is unusually fast, all of the dark clouds lifted! I could think, deal with daily life, sleep, stopped worrying about anything and everything. Most amazingly my pain decreased by about 75%. I had heard that depression exascerbated medical problems, particularly pain. I didn't believe them.
I still don't have a job. I am fighting a lawsuit against high-powered attorneys representing the government, my ex-employer. I can deal with it all. There will be a tomorrow. THings will get better. My point is, you sound the way I felt. See a good doctor about depression. I had to try about 6 different medications before something worked. I am the last person to believe and now I believe. Try, your life may start to snowball in a positive direction. Mine did. Good luck!

[lilbay]

Larry if you go to apply for Benefits from Social Security They will in fact if you still want to work allow you to go to training and go back to work doing something you can do
In all honesty you are going to need it eventually from the sound of it (I too have a back injury and much of what you describe is my daily life)
Better to get it started Now since sadly it can take years for some cases to get approved

I would start getting your ducks in a row as they say Get all the doctors papers together go to SSA office in your area and apply and go from there.

Also please do not stay away from all pain meds There are meds that are helpful that will not cause addiction.

If nothing else you can get it until you can find training and another job
If your doctor says you are disabled by the way than your boss has to allow you not to do things you can not and can not fire you for it. That is discrimination.

[simoneaugie]

Apply for SSDI. The most difficult thing for me was admitting that I was not the capable worker-bee I'd been. Writing down all of your "failings" is not for the faint of heart. It digs into every fear you have hidden from yourself. It makes you question whether you are eligible for being part of the human race. It forces you to grow!

Presenting a qualifying argument for "why/how one is disabled" would be an excellent test of character for high school students. You write beautifully, by the way.

[Wondergirl]

Are you anywhere near public libraries -- circulation clerk or book shelver? Public or parochial schools -- janitorial, kitchen help, a traveling Mr. Fix-It, security, teacher aide in classrooms? Consultant for something? Restaurant kitchen helper?

[briancp34]

Hello Larry T. I can impathise with your situation and conditions. I myself have always lead the same kind of career and had the same sort of out look in life. I mean that I've never said "I can't" and always gotten the job done. I also, about 11 years ago, made a terrable mistake and experimented with a nitrosoxide fuel injection system on a motorcycle that wasn't mine, (without a helmet even) and found out that you need more than a 1/4mi to exhaust a fuel cell like that. I went head to head with a pine tree, bent the bike in half, crushed a spot on my skull attaining brain damage, crushed and fused 2 vertibrae in my lower back and fractured another one in mid area and smashed nearly all the disks in my spine. The brain damage causes epileptic seizures. So I know what you mean when you say "backpain". Something I have to say though is that that level of pain actually goes down during the warmer part of the year. This is just a suggestion or food for thought at least. But had you ever considered maybe moving a little furthar south? From your desciption of your condition I can tell you that you would definitely be approved for disability. I have to agree with "lilbay" in that it sounds to me that you will have to apply, sooner or later anyway. Everyone does get turned down though the first time, no matter if you're vertually a vegetable. It's just something they do to help to turn away any mooch cases. I would though, no matter how justified your case is, suggest getting an attorney. I have a friend from church, that is schitzaphrantic that represented himself and took 6yrs to get approved. I used an attorney and it took 2yrs. They cost. Their fees come out of any retro pay amount. You can also collect separate amounts for each of your individual children.
On another possative side, you can also receive government grants to go to vocational school and even earn degrees in collage. I thought it was load of bologna at first. But the government actually just sees it as an opportunity to invest into another returning tax payer to get out of "hand outs" system.
Keep in mind too that you've never said "I can't". So it shouldn't be hard to make clear to you that age is a state of mind.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm an 18yr old kid that just sometimes can't bend over far enough to tie my own boots, but I figure it out. I always (not to ginxs myself) figure it out. And you have too.
Truth be told, I'm 35, not 18. Don't think limitation but obstacle.

[twinkiedooter]

Larry - you said you collected a disability settlement. What makes you think you would not qualify for Social Security Disability? You sound like you would be a good candidate to successfully collect. If you get turned down the first time, you can then hire an attorney to follow up your disability claim and win your award for you.

You still can work a few hours a week while collecting disability by the way. If you have the doctor medical records to back up your disability you should be successful. As pointed out above, you can get retrained for free by disability. What's so bad about that? Nowadays nothing is free, but this training would be free. The nice folks down at Social Security want to help you. Please go see them at their local office as soon as possible. This may help relieve a lot of your stress and your irritable bowel may just get better without all the present stress you are under.

[N0help4u]

I agree you can get ssd. You need to go apply. They even allow you to work like 20 or 30 hours a week and still collect.
You really should do it. If you get turned down you keep filing the appeal forms and get a lawyer if they turn you down.
Some people do get it very first try.