My 16 yr. Old ran away

deluvlydre · Feb 2, 2009, 01:57 PM

My 16 year old has ran away with his 16 year old girlfriend. I found out he is still in the area, he has been gone a week and has called his sister a few times to state he is all right and he has called me once to say he is OK and another time to say "What should I do? I told him he needs to come home and he said Why? I told him because we love him and we need him at home. I am a mom and I am going out of my mind. On my free time I drive around looking for him. I cannot deal with this anymore he is my last child at home and my only son. What is a mother to do? I am going crazy.

ScottGem · Feb 2, 2009, 02:12 PM

Check with your local police. He is a minor and they may know where runaways hang out.

What about the girlfriends parent's have you talked with them? Why did he runaway?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 2, 2009, 03:29 PM

Report him as a run away to the police,
For his own protection before he does even more stupid things.

Talk to the girls parents quickly, if they decide to start blaming your son, guess who gets sent to juv detention normally by the courts.

Start calling all of his friends parents, he is most likely staying with some of them

chrissymarie · Feb 2, 2009, 03:50 PM

I've just turned 20 and I can tell you my experience running away from home when is was 17 with my boyfriend.

At 1st my parents were histrical and they searched for me everywhere and tried almost everythin to get me to come home. It really just fueled my urge to rebel and be with my boyfriend. It became like a game to me. But then 2 weeks after I ran away all of the sudden all the calls stopped and then I didn't hear from my mom and dad for like 3 days and then I called my mom and she just asked how I was doing and was all non chalantly chatting it up with me over the phone and my dad did the same thing. They didn't ask me to come home once.

Once the game over rebelling against my parents was over, I had time to focus on what I was really doing with my life which was runnign away with my immature stinky 17 year old boyfriend. And OH MAN after 2 weeks he got so annoying and being broke all the time really sucked.

I ended up calling my mom to come pick me up.

Teenagers can be pretty hard headed and sometimes they have to make their own mistakes. A little reverse physcology should work to get your son to come home.

And in case your thinking to yourself that he probably won't come home you could always just call the police to drag him home. He is a minor.

basicallyiloveu · Feb 2, 2009, 04:04 PM

I'm 15 and my mum can't give me a break! I sometimes feel like running away but I can't stand the thought of living on my own! Trust me he will realise what he is doing and come home soon. Next time he calls just talk to him. Ask him why he ran away and what you did. Good luck

GirlWSlingshot · Feb 3, 2009, 10:15 AM

Be careful with the reverse psychology. I ran away at 17 and my mom was advised to try it on me. I stayed gone and only started talking to her again two years later when I was getting married.

I have to agree with other posters that have told you to contact the police. That's got to be your first step. While he's gone, you can take this time to figure out why he left. What has he claimed as his reasoning? What has he complained of in the past?

artlady · Feb 3, 2009, 10:27 AM

Aside from your being scared for your son and worrying about his safety,there is also the legal issue of your responsibility.If he gets in any trouble ,you are responsible.I would imagine that in some states you are legally obligated to report him as missing.

You need to tell him that if he comes home there will be no recriminations or punishment but that you really need him there for every ones benefit.Whatever issue made him take this action,should be discussed and a compromise should try to be reached.

Kids think they know it all at 16 but they are mostly clueless about the dangers out there.

I had the same problem with my youngest when he decided he was too mature to accept my rules.He did come back home and he was glad that I kept after him to do so because he really wanted to come home anyway but didn't want to appear like a wimp to his friends.

Keep in touch and be firm but loving ,letting him know what he is putting you through.

Best of luck through this difficult time.

deluvlydre · Feb 17, 2009, 12:49 PM

My 16 year old ran away to be with his 16 year old runaway girlfriend. She told my son that if he came back home without her she would commit suicide. He calles me each night to tell me good night and that he loves me. He has asked me if she can come live with us, because if she cannot he cannot come home because she says she will kill herself. I have been in contact with her parents since he has left to be with her. I let them know of the current situation and they stated that due to the number of problems they have experienced with her in the last year and a half that she is no longer allowed home and they don't want anything to do with her. My son truly believes that this girlfriend says. I need to bring my son back home but he will not come without her and I have told him many times that she is not my nor his responsibility but he states he loves her and cannot live with himself is she does commit suicide. Help!!

JudyKayTee · Feb 17, 2009, 01:07 PM

Have you reported him to the Police as a runaway? The legal aspect here is that you very well may legally responsible for any bad decisions he makes.

You need to meet with a mental health professional who can make a determination about how serious this girl is or is not about suicide. The easy answer is force him to come home; the difficult answer is that there could be consequences.

I think you need legal help and some counselling in order to make the right decision.

This should be combined with your other posts about this same child.

LIVINLIFE · Feb 17, 2009, 01:10 PM

Hello runaway, first your son needs to realize that this girl has some serious issues and when he actually does come to his senses it will be a lot more harder to let her go. The only reason she is telling your son she will kill herself its because her family as finally given up and closed her out and she has no one else. You can always say she can live with you guys to get your son back with the agreement of her going to some rehab or something that can help her.

JudyKayTee · Feb 17, 2009, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by LIVINLIFE

Hello runaway, first your son needs to realize that this girl has some serious issues and when he actually does come to his senses it will be alot more harder to let her go. The only reason she is telling your son she will kill herself its because her family as finaly given up and closed her out and she has no one else. You can always say she can live with you guys to get your son back with the agreement of her going to some rehab or something that can help her.

I missed something - why does the girlfriend need rehab? I thought she had emotional issues. There are drug/alcohol issues?

BLONDE_MAFIA · Feb 17, 2009, 06:54 PM

Aww I'm sorry, well you need to acess why he ran away, did you tell him he couldn't be with his g.f or give him too many boundaries. If so tell him it will be different and tell him what you'll change. Also could the girl be pregnant? I think if I was a teenage boy and got a girl pregnant if I thought my mum would flip id leave. But I hope it works out after all its only a girl he'll still love you more and eventually will come around.

Jake2008 · Feb 17, 2009, 09:33 PM

Are either of these kids still in school? Or, when they ran away, did they also quit school.

Where are they getting money from. Other people must be in the picture here.

It sounds like the parents of the g/f are doing their tough love thing. Does she want to go home?

Is it totally out of the question to suggest that it will be okay for the two of them to go to your home, with conditions? One would be attending school. Secondly, the social services in your area should be contacted, and used as a mediator between the g/f and her parents, to transition her back into her own home.

They may very well have good reasons for her not being allowed home, but an intervention of sorts to facilitate her moving back is possible, with or through a social worker who can deal with THEIR problems.

In the meanwhile, you will have your son home, and his g/f for a short time. Both will be safe, and with any luck, the g/f can work out her problems with her parents and get the help she needs there.

I would also advise counselling for your son as a condition as well. He is being held hostage by threats from his g/f of suicide, and he needs to know how to appropriately respond, and what to do. This he can learn.

I'm not so sure that dragging him home via the police is the answer, it may very well end up being the only alternative you have, but if they do that, he may run away again, and you're faced with a revolving door.

The parents have to take responsibility for their children. It may take some creative action to get that to happen, but it can be done.

JudyKayTee · Feb 18, 2009, 07:50 AM

I think the OP has to get some advice here - I have no idea what the ramifications are if they are both in OP's home and get into some sort of trouble involving sex/drugs/rock and roll. If the parents of the girl go to Court and file a Petition claiming the boy and OP is unduly influencing the girl, things like that, I don't know what would happen. I think it's more than a "get the boy back home" situation.

Jake2008 · Feb 18, 2009, 08:44 AM

It is a lot more than get the boy home, I agree.

I was tnking, get them both home, and make arrangements, or have arrangements in place to have the g/f's family involved whether they want to be involved or not.

I don't trust parents who turn a 16 year old girl out, and make no effort to communicate with her, set any kind of expectations for her return, and make no effort to resolve their problems.

This whole thing revolves around the g/f. The son won't leave her, if he's forced home, he'll run again. Her parents are not cooperating, and in fact are benefiting from knowing that her b/fs mother has taken over their role.

Somebody has to take charge here. These kids are 16.

Maybe a good idea to phone the child welfare, get them involved. I suspect that they are aware of the g/f's history anyway, and if they aren't, they've been involved with similar circumstances before.

This isn't a situation that will solve itself, until the g/f's parents, are required to step up and take responsibility for her. It isn't a question of choice here, they are morally (at least) bound to.

When the g/f is no longer in a position to control the b/f with threats, then it's time to work hard with the son, via counselling or whatever it takes.

Then, the mom side of ME says, I'd be worried about both of them, and if I had to have them both in my home, it would be very temporary for the g/f, until either the parents, or the authorities take her home.

chrissymarie · Feb 18, 2009, 08:54 AM

Suicides threats are taken very serious by medical practitioners and law enforcement. You just need to call the police to pick up your son and help the girl. Her parents are responsible whether they want to be are not. Law enforcement will remind them of their responsibilities. One talk with a physcologist for the girl is all she needs. A suicide threat will be all they need to hear to get her the help she needs. YOU are the adult, YOU control what your dhild does and does not do. If you really don't want him with this girl all it takes is one call to your local police enforcement.

It time to take charge like a parent is supposed to. Their 16... they don't run crap.

ScottGem · Feb 18, 2009, 01:12 PM

Comments on this post
deluvlydre disagrees: Don't you think I have called the police and if I knew where they were they would be picked up. Yes, she has seen a psychologist and have spent 3 days in psychiatric evaluation. I am a responsible parent with a 16 year old idiot.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Chrissy gave some good advice. She didn't know what you did or didn't do. You were out of line giving her a negative comment.

chrissymarie · Feb 18, 2009, 01:23 PM

I just don't think you've you called the police. I think that's a lie. Because the police will find your son especially if you explain the situation to them the way you are. He's not osama binladin. He'll be easy to find. Also when you receive a call the police have the ability to track it down to where he's at. He's also missing school and that's against the law too. You can get in trouble for that. Your responsibility as a parent is not to make sure your child is happy but to make sure your child is safe. Your child is not safe. What if this girl takes your sons life and hers because she wants to be in heaven forever with him?? She's making suicides threats. This situation is not being taken seriously by you.

Jake2008 · Feb 18, 2009, 03:06 PM

Calling the police to say that a 16 year old boy has run off with his 16 year old girlfiriend might not be enough.

I say that because the boy has been in touch with his mother, and his sister. He phones, and is in communication with his mother. They know that they are both in the area, they know the names of all parties involved, addresses, phone numbers, etc. It is not the police's job to parent children who run away from home. There is no immediate danger, they can just go home the same way they went. They have murders, rapes, car crashes, drug deals, armed robberies, domestic violence, missing children, abused and battered, stabbed, shot and left for dead people that have to take priority.

IF, on the other hand, he'd been gone a week, with NO contact, and it had been reported as a missing person, that is an entirely different story- because there was a sudden, unexplained departure with no other parties involved.

I would think that finding two kids playing cat and mouse with the boy's parents is at the bottom of their priority list. What the police should have provided, or the boy's parents might consider getting on their own, is advice from whatever social service agency in their area that deals with troubled teens, for guidance and helpful information..

I still say that trying, at least, to get BOTH of these kids under one roof, and THEN calling the authorities is more likely to produce positive results.

chrissymarie · Feb 18, 2009, 03:25 PM

Whether your child is 8 and runs away or 16 and runs away the severity of the situation is the same. He is a minor and is not allowed to miss school and live where ever he choses. Are you just scared that if you tell the police what's going on and the go get him he'll hate you forever?? Because he won't. The police have to act on this situation. What he's doing is against the law.

Add your answer here.