[ROLCAM]

How to Make Elderly Parents Feel Needed?

Any ideas .

[Wondergirl]

Are you asking a generic question or a personal one? How old are the parents? Are they homebound? Can they drive and get around? Are they homebound? If so, how limited is their mobility? Do they live in a rural area or near a town or city?

[trmpldonagn]

Ask for their advice as you did when you were younger. Give a phone call at times just for anything. Ask mom about how to cook or bake something that only she specializes in. Ask Dad something about cars, even sports or anything he may know about. Ask life questions. It doesn't matter how old you are. If you are in a relationship, married or not, tell them a concern or just something personal maybe about the relationship and ask what they did or what they would do. Do you have children or pets? You could call just to let them know how so and so is doing in school and again, ask for input. If you seem like you genuinely needed them to talk to, confide in, or simply ask a question, that alone could help. I don't know the condition of the/your? Elderly parents but would they watch the kid(s) for a short period even? Can they get over to walk a dog or feed the cat? If they live far away, obviously that's out of the question. I call my mom and dad on a regular basis just so they know I'm thinking of them. I don't know how busy you are and how often you can call. Sometimes a parent just knowing that their children are thinking of them and love them is enough. I would suggest to ask if you can borrow money but that is a touchy one. Only if you do/can pay it back and as long as it's not too obvious that you are doing this to make them feel needed in such a way. This would probably be my very very last resort and I don't know your financial situation if you could even get away with that one. Ex: If you make a pretty good living whereas you wouldn't need to ask to borrow money. Best of luck to you and it is important to make elderly parents feel needed. You're a good person for caring.

[Clough]

Involving them in your activities and ask for their advice concerning things would be a couple of ways to make them feel needed.

Thanks!

[Bettyboop2534]

Very True, Sometimes it is hard to take things like that

[Dudleynme]

Ask to borrow money. That will really make them feel needed. NO!! JUST KIDDING! Don't do that.

The best thing to do is call them often. Tell them how important they are to you. Appreciate what they do and have done for you. Recall events from your childhood and remind them how important that occasion was to you or some advice they gave that you have always followed or some practical joke they played on you that you enjoyed or whatever. Ask for advice on small things. Even if you already know the answer -- how to cook something -- how to use a drill -- favorites sports and teams, politics (if it's a congenial subject in your family.) Be careful asking advice on big things though. If they are sensitive and you ask what car you should buy and then buy something different, it might cause hurt feelings so I'd stick to a subject that doesn't matter too much.

Also, if you could be involved in their lives -- not just as caretakers -- but really interested in what they do, it would be good. If they have an interest in a certain activity or subject and you are not involved in it, it would be great for you to take an interest in it. That way you can have conversation about it. Also, it would make them feel more a part of your life.

Lastly, be interested in their health. Ask questions. Most older people like to talk about it -- if they don't then lighten up. Just go with the flow.

[Clough]

It would be helpful if ROLCAM would return to this thread to address the questions that have been asked of him.

Thanks!

[ROLCAM]

Clough,

Are you asking a generic question or a personal one?
It was a generic question.

How old are the parents?
My birth parents are both departed.


Are they homebound?
See above.

Can they drive and get around?
See above.

Are they homebound? If so, how limited is their mobility? Do they live in a rural area or near a town or city?
The answers are obvious.

My father was born in 1915.
My mother was born in 1917.
They were both Maltese.
They came to Australia in 1951 with my immediate family
Through my Mum's eccouragement there
Are now more than one hundred persons
Who left Malta and now are living in Australia.

[Clough]

You are the one who originally asked the question, ROLCAM and Wondergirl posted some questions to you to which you didn't respond. It would be helpful if you would respond to her questions.

Thanks!