[freshfaso]

Dear readers,

This is my first time that I am sharing my problem, I am ( I was I don't know still I am or not) in love with one coartian girl. She loves me too. My problem is I am engaged with one girl whom I liked as my parents liked too, but after knowing coartian girl I felt in love with her and we both started dreaming to live together and also stayed couple of time together and felt heavenly, we both have different culture, religion, caste, taste and thinking but still we understand each other and love.

My problem is my parents love the girl whom I was engaged and they don't like coartian girl, they want me to break relation with this girl and marry that indian girl with whom I was engaged, both the girls love me but I don't know about my feelings now and dontknow what to do. If I continue to keep relation with coartian girl, I may loose my parents and loose respect in our culther because my parents will never agree. If I stop relation with coartian girl I will loose her and hurt her. I can stay without coartian girl but my parents can't stay without me. I know choosing my parents and forgetting coartian girl is good for me and for everybody.

I want to know what I am thinking is right or wrong. What are your suggestions and repleis.

[Krs]

Ask yourself this question dear :-

Do you want to spend the rest of life pleasing your family or yourself?

Do you live to please your family or yourself?

[luvee]

Krs is right, ask yourself and spend sometime alone so you can decide better. Marriage is sacred, don't marry someone just to please your family. And your coartian girlfriend, if you truly love her, then fight for your love, but make sure its worth fighting... Weight things properly... you must also remember that Love alone cannot survive there are other factors to consider before marrying someone.

[confused25]

Was this a planned engagement? Meaning, did your parents pick this girl out for you? I think this problem has to be approached in a certain manner depending on whether the engagement was planned by your parents when you were still young, or if you just got engaged to this girl to please your parents

If this was NOT a planned engagement then I agree with the first post, ask yourself if you are going to live life pleasing your family or yourself. Personally I would call off the engagement because if you go through with it you will not only hurt yourself, but you will also hurt this woman because she will never have all your love, which is unfair to her as well.

My best advice is to remember that as far as we know, you only live once. Therefore you should take the path that in the end will make you most happy, even it is a very difficult and bumpy road.

[talaniman]

Being born as raised as an American I can only give you this advice to think about:
1. Never marry for anyone but yourself and the one YOU love.
2. Never marry anyone whom you know nothing about, It may feel good now but years later... things and people change. Hence the high divorce rate.
The only way you will really know is to talk to them both honestly about your fears and feelings. It takes a long time of interaction, (2 years at least) to find out if you love someone and can you work together forever. Cultural expectations aside, You must have time to investigate your feelings so staying engaged is unfair to your fiancée and you may well lose her as you try to follow your heart. Take your time and be fair to all involved, even though in this situation... I see a rocky and bumpy road. I wish you luck and if you need clarification or answers please feel free to return.

[s_cianci]

Evidently you're from a culture which still practices arranged marriages. Personally I really don't know what kind of track record such marriages have compared to marriages in contemporary western cultures where one chooses one's own spouse. On one hand you might be better off marrying the girl your family has chosen for you, provided she gives off indications of being a good and faithful wife. If not, then have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents about your concerns. Maybe you could convince them that the Croatian (sp?) girl would make a better wife than the girl your family evidently prefers. Also be willing to hear them out as well and find out why they dislike the Croatian girl. Their reasons may be valid and legitimate and something which you may need to heed. Remember,marriage is a lifetime commitment, whether arranged or your own choice and you'll have to live with this person for the rest of your life.

[Krs]

Its beyond my comprehension how some cultures still do this.

I mean take this case for example, why would any parents influence such decissions on their adult child's life...
Can't the adult child make any decissions themselves.

I agree with s_cianci I question the track record of such marriages too often sometimes?

Ive seen this happen to a very good muslim friend of mine, her family were very closed minded, while she wasn't, as she was brought up outside of Libya, and lived like an european, but then her father forced to marry this guy he had chosen for her, who promised her the world. After they married, he told her he had to go to Libya for business and obviously she had to go with him. They arrived there, he took her passport, and I never ever saw her again!
This was over 6 years ago. She called me once, and was so depressed.