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De4rest · Jan 27, 2009, 02:21 PM

Hi all,

My ex called me back in November but I ignored the calls since I didn't know what I should do and anyway, my friends advice me not to pick it up. I thought I was fine about it, doing the NC thing and moving on with my life.. but now I've been thinking a lot about him, I still want to be friends with him but he deleted my contacts. I tried to contact him but he didn't reply my last message. Somehow I blamed myself and couldn't get past that. Although everyone says to just forget him and move on, inside of me can't deny the fact that I still want to have some kind of relationships with him. It's all coming back to me (the times we spent together etc). I am so sad.. I don't know how to get his attention back.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2009, 02:30 PM

He obviously has moved on, and doesn't want your attention, so heed the hint, and continue leaving him alone. It will pass. A better question would be, what's going on in your life that has you thinking of him after all this time?

Noodles15 · Jan 27, 2009, 03:10 PM

I think we all go through this phase after a relationship.

After a while, you loose sight of why the relationship ended, the bad things, start to miss how it was in the beginning, the good things. Maybe it was triggered by a picture you found or a movie you saw that the two of you had seen together, but now all you can think about is how good it was to be in a relationship with this person.

I think this is a really critical point for you, because once you get passed this you can truly move on.

He obviously does not want to be in a relationship with you any longer, so that makes it easier for you. Take this time to do what he has done, remove him from your contacts, remember what it was that ended the relationship and try to think about what you learned and how much you grew and try to apply that to having a good relationship with someone else.

I know you want him, because he was so great and amazing and things were so wonderful, but everything serves a purpose. Your relationship with him probably taught you lots of lessons, and I'm sure the same goes for the break-up. Honestly though, this is your brain/hearts last ditch effort to grab onto what its familiar with.

roxypox · Jan 27, 2009, 04:10 PM

Its might be sad to realize that the ship has sailed, but NC didn't really seem like such a bad idea. Now you will have to deal with the fact that he doesn't want to have any contact. So take his hint and stop contacting him.

As for remembering all the good stuff, well like N15 said... I also think this is a perfectly natural thing. To forget the bad, forget the reasons you broke up in the first place and even to want the good times and the good stuff back... but sadly we can't go back... we can only move forward. Its called a break up because its broken might sound like a funny catch phrase, but I honestly believe that it's the truth.

The reason the two of you ended things were most likely good ones.

Tals advice is excellent (lol as usual) and you should prob give it some thought! Why do you miss it now?

As N15 said, maybe you should afford yourself time and just move on... What the two of you had is dead and gone...

De4rest · Feb 4, 2009, 06:59 PM

I don't know, I just want to keep him as a friend, don't want to loose the friendship... after I went through much with him...

roxypox · Feb 4, 2009, 07:32 PM

Well, often we don't get to keep the friendship after a break up... no matter how much we want to. And sometimes, even when we keep the friendship (or some form of it) its seldom the same as it was.

So you might just have to accept the fact that you have lost that as well. Or you'll have to wait a long long time, let the both of you heal and then try to contact him again, but for the moment it doesn't really matter what you want.. because he doesn't want to have any contact with you and you need to respect that.

The best advice I can give on this: find a way to deal with this, and let yourself heal and move on. (no matter how sad it is to realize this, it will eventually pass)

De4rest · Feb 14, 2009, 09:18 AM

Hi,
I just want to keep an update on this thread. First of all, I want to say thanks for the advice you guys have given me and Happy Valentine's day =) Well, my ex called me a few days ago, we talked about basic stuff. He wanted to meet up but I said I could not. I did not assume anything though, I know he doesn't see me as anything else, just someone he knows. Somehow I feel relieved but at the same time confused. You are right roxypox: " the friendship (or some form of it) its seldom the same as it was."