[Bic-Bic]

My dad died a little over two years ago on October 6, 2006. He died after spending two months in the hospital from liver diease, he was an alcoholic. He drank on purpose, especially toward the end, he wanted to die until he realized he was dying then it was too late. He was my best friend, the one person I confided in, its been unbearable hard to continue on, but I've done it because I had to. I am finishing up my senior year of college and he won't be here to see me graduate. Sometimes I get so sad and upset, angry that he left even on days that have no significant relevance (anniversaries or birthdays) and I feel guilty and ashamed because its been two years, I feel like I don't have the right to grieve anymore that I should be over his death. Somedays I just want to stay curled up in bed, thinking of him. Is this still wrong after two years, is it normal? I just don't know how to deal with my feelings sometimes...

[450donn]

No it is not normal. I suspect you are stuck and need professional help to get you beyond where you are in the grieving process.

[plonak]

I think you should go to Al-anon.. It is a support group for families and loved ones who have been affected by an alcoholic.

You need to get these feelings out or they are just going to hinder you throughout your life.. when you go there, you will feel great relief from your sorrows

[tweeters]

The grieving process can be as long as you need it to be. Do not allow anyone to dictate to you that you need to "Move on and get over it".. your father is a very big deal alive or not.. you have the right to be heard and loved and cared for during this time.. contact your local Hospice to get info on Grief groups that may be available. My Mother died in 2006, my Father died in 2007, my Best Friend died in 2008 and I had a stroke from all the stress of it.. I am in my early 50's. I tried to "get over it" and could not... Hospice is a great place with great people who will help you deal with some of the grief process. Let me know how you are.

[chicagostarbaby]

My husband, love of my life, died in 1997, Mother in 1998, Great Uncles, 1999, 2000 Brother 2001, Cousin 2002 & last Great Uncle, 2004, [all cancer related] Best two friends, 2006 & 2007 (from alcohol related) all of whom use to surround all direct aspects of my entire life! I cared for each of them physically & mentally, lived in their house or cared for them in mine.. until their deaths, thick and thin, through to the end, never once caring what was important or necessary in my life, cause their needs had to be met first. I truly understand what you are going through and there are nights I still cry, and get in panic stages of grief like it all happened yesterday. Yes, its not normal, but it happens to be that we loved them so much in life and in death because we we need to call upon them for our own comfort and memories won't go away!
I shudder to think, I feel guilty, just like you, I really do! It's been years for me, I don't think I will ever overcome missing them. Life is different for all of us, but grief is no different, when you miss those you love, it's personally a task you must overcome at your own pace.
Take your time, write me again. Stay safe. Graduate, your father suffered, but knows you are now accomplished, with goals worth striving for, to be your best! Sometimes grief helps you get there too!

[0rphan]

There is no time limit on grief, you don't get over it, you just get use to it.

[Jake2008]

Grieving is not something any of us are prepared for, but it is a part of live.

While we all grieve a loss differently, there are definite stages that we all go through. Understanding that process, may make it a bit easier to know that it is a normal part of living.

All of us will face it, or have faced it during our lifetimes, it just can't be avoided. I recently lost a friend, and found that grieving left me with a lot more questions than answers because she was found dead, and had been dead a long time. The police called me because all she had on her at the time was my name and phone number. It was like she just went to bed, and decided to die.

Anger was the hardest part for me to get past. I was really pissed that she didn't pick up the phone and call 911 or call me, but it was her choice, and I've accepted that now.

Anyway, here is something that might make you feel a bit better, in that these stages are a part of what everybody goes through to some extent. No two people are alike of course, and length and severity of loss is not something anybody else can judge for you.

The Stages Of Grief

[JudyKayTee]

No it is not normal. I suspect you are stuck and need professional help to get you beyond where you are in the grieving process.

I absolutely disagree - there is no set schedule on how long it is appropriate to grieve. Statements like this only hurt those left behind. They don't help anyone. Do people who pick up their lives in 30 days miss the person less than those who grieve for two years? No. It's an individual process. Judgmental statements help no one.

I've posted this before - I lost my husband 14 months ago. We knew he was out of time. We talked and prepared and discussed and hugged and prepared some more. I heard every possible variation of, "I want you to go on. You must go on." I heard it from him. Now I hear it from his friends. He wrote me, "You have to go on" letters. I've tried very hard to get back on my feet.

Last week I thought I was doing all right. I went out to dinner Friday night for the very first time. Lovely evening.

Yesterday I could barely hold my head upright from grief and today I am shattered all over again.

I don't think I have mental problems - I think I lost the love of my life and I need time to reflect and, yes, grieve.

[pixie311]

Hi Bic Bic... Grief is part of the emotions that God has given us.I have great days and then days that I want to stay in bed... but stop and think that even if everything was going great in your life we still have those lousy days.The secret is to take that energy and the experience that has caused you such grief and go do something positive with it.We are all here until we fulfill our purpose in life.You may not know what your Dads was , but now he does.He will be there for all the important and not so importANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE.He is only an inch above you because they never leave the ones they love.Go forward and help some other children or young adults who had the same problems.. Dad is proud of you... God Bless Love pixie311;)

[serenitylynn]

Grief never fully goes away. It gets easier to deal with but it never goes away. My father passed away almost 19 years ago and my mother 8. It has gotten easier but there are still little things that reminds me of them, like a song on the radio or a poem, and the pain comes back. In my opinion those little things are a blessing. They help me remember my parents and how much they loved me.

[artlady]

I lost my father over 20 yrs.ago and I still find myself crying for him and missing him to this day. I don't know if it is normal but it is how I feel.I can still function in life.I am not paralyzed by grief.

If your grief is prohibiting you from normal daily activity than perhaps grief counseling might be warranted.

You sound as if you still have some unresolved issues about his manner of death and his drinking.

Pastoral counseling is free in most churches and many churches will counsel you whether you are a parishioner or not.

There are also group therapy sessions for free in many places if you feel the need.

As others have said there is no *one size fits all* when it comes to bereavement.

Try to cherish the life of your father and concentrate on that.The good times,the laughter ,the love.Try not to dwell on what you lost but what you will always have in your heart.

[pixie311]

Serenity... they are more than a blessing it is their way of comig to you... sometimes the smallest things that happen are the greatest things that they can give us and most times they come just when we need them... coincidence... I don't think that they are... pixie311:)

[chicagostarbaby]

I agree with all of you who have answered, in the above! I am caregiver of Ed, 83 years, World War! Veteran, who is dying of bone and blood cancers, losing weight, not getting around much anymore, but I take him to Sunday mass, a promise to him, helping him to light his candles, that he can deal with his grief of missing his deceased family (all his family died), even in the last moments of his time, he grieves for them. When we approach or experience death in our loved ones, agonizing pain never leaves our mind. Although it is a dark place to be mentally, the grief opens our hearts to that love we have had the benefit to experience, which many other people in the world never had the opportunity. We share concepts of grief.. nonetheless there are those who never have, or can rectify their future without it. They say.. "You're living in the past, that takes up too much time of your present, stealing your future right before your eyes." It's like your past is haunting you, for reasons you justify as, perhaps they are trying to tell us something, like the lessons of a dream, or the warnings of a nightmare. It's hard to leave that dark place of grief, or apply reason or reality to it.

[JudyKayTee]

Serenity....they are more than a blessing it is their way of comig to you...sometimes the smallest things that happen are the greatest things that they can give us and most times they come just when we need them....coincidence...I don't think that they are.......pixie311:)

What? I have no idea what you are talking about. "Greatest things that THEY can give us ..." What?