[kiwi_flame]

Im seeing this guy and we are slowly building a relationship however I have a friend whom has a very high sex drive and has many flings.
He has asked many questions about her which I felt crossed the boundaries it made me feel so uncomfortable and so enraged by his actions.
I tried to explain it to him that it hurts me him asking theses sorts of questions about her.
However to him it was just questions and there was nothing in it.
But they are meeting each other tomorrow..
I have mentioned to my friend what happened and how I was feeling also she was going to cancel to meet him however she changed her mind...
That's one problem... What am I too think now??
The other is I feel he's so enticed by her because of her sex drive as he has so many desires.
When I asked him for his support and understanding of how I was feeling and for him not to push me away.. his reply was he was'nt and for me not to pressure him..
Now I am really confused!! And feel so jealous and hurt by this.
Im afraid his desires her sexdrive will drive them together,I have theses bad feelings and as much as I don't want too they are there.
I would like to trust my friend but I'm so not 100% sure...
He says its nothing in it they just meeting and if he was to fling it wouldn't be with any of my friends... Well so he says
Can anyone help has anyone had a similar situation??

[Fr_Chuck]

Why are they meeting? For what purpose ?

Next if you trust the person you are dating, it does not matter how many "dogs" they come across wanting to have flings,

A person meets people everyday that they can have flings with, but don't, but if your friend is meeting them for no purpose but to try, then there are other issues there completely

[kiwi_flame]

They were meeting each other as I have known her for sometime and they live in the same state. I don't
So it was more just putting the face to the name,well that's what I would like to think but don't feel unfortuanately.
Its because of the issues he has with his desires and her sex drive why I feel so insecure I suppose.
He knows this however he still persist and sees no problem in it but I do.
All I want from him is to see how I feel and how it makes me feel,but he doesn't.
I also don't want to drive him away which in this case I have driven a wedge between us at the moment.
Insecure,jealousy are my issues however just having his support and understanding would make the situation feel a lot more at ease without me feeling the way I do.

[valinors_sorrow]

When I encountered a situation similar to this, I found better friends and left the two who so easily disregard another's feelings to each other. Interestingly enough, that turned out badly too and I was grateful to have put some distance on it for myself. Jealousy and insecurity is about you believing you are NOT worth it and while its not something your friends should ever have to cowtow to -- it does take you learning how to treat yourself well and appropriately (and insisting that others do too) to get out of it. Every time you sign up for some substandard treatment, you reinforce that you don't deserve good treatment and feed the jealous/insecure monster. Only you have the power to end that vicious cycle by selecting friends who can be sensitive to your issues while you work them out. These two people you are mentioning here don't sound like they qualify as those kinds of friends. Real friends may make their friends feel inadvertently insecure but when they do, they are concerned about it and work it out to some mutually acceptable deal. It really is true that we get that which we are willing to put up with --but it's a hard lesson to learn at first, I know.

[kiwi_flame]

Yes what you say is very true also and thank you.

[s_cianci]

First of all, why does his asking you questions about your friend upset you? He's getting to know you and that would include the types of people you are friends with. It'd be foolish and naïve of him not to be curious and concerned about such things. If you don't feel you can trust your friend around this guy then I wonder whether she's a good person to be friends with?

[kiwi_flame]

Yes I fully understand. I suppose I don't trust her and it's a sad and honest fact.
Im not sure if its classed as insecurity but the way she is as a person whom has martial flings and him having all theses desires to me it was a good essence for curiousity that maybe it would happen.
However I had spoken to her that if our friendship meant something she would consider my feelings and reconsider meeting him.
It took abit of convincing however in the end she cancelled the meeting.
It didn't bother him, but he also doesn't know I spoke to her about it.
I now understand your comment and I guess its I don't fully trust her and it's so sad I don't.
I'm yet to discuss my issues to my BF however I'm not sure how he will take it . But that is a risk I'm willing to take.

[giggles]

By making your friend cancel the meeting, you avoid accepting that you are trying to control this guy's actions.
Are you so afraid he might sneak off with your mate behind your back that you manipulate circumstances in the wings, so to speak, rather than deal with things head on?
You should tell your man that you would like to introduce him to your friend personally, and the three of you would have a night out getting to know each other. Put yourself in this equation - these people would only meet because of you, so let YOU be there.
Alternatively, you could sit around and ask yourself if deep down, you really want to be with this man, as the basic foundation of trust does not appear to be there. And maybe if this guy was right for you, you would be happy to introduce him to your mates?

[kiwi_flame]

Again all theses replies hit home and I guess I do play apart in manipulating the situation by avoiding the situation head on.
Trust I know is a base of all relationships however in my case I've been burnt so many times and thinking I was over it I know now I'm certainly not.
Insecurity (mine) leads to no trust not even for him.
But I'm biting the bullet and will tell him everything,and if that means losing him I'm prepared for that.
However introducing the 2 is a brilliant idea with me there. But we will see what comes out of it.
I thank you for your honesty

[kiwi_flame]

UPDATE!!
Well I've told him about how I was feeling,but didn't mention about my friend cancelling the meeting.
He's not very impressed and that is to be expected as he said to me he was only meeting her and jumping in there to have sex.
I told him he knew I was feeling insecure,and he could have reassured me and made me feel secure about the whole situation.
So for now he's backed off.. So not sure where from here now.
But I also realise well if he doesn't comeback then its not meant to be!

** Thank you all for your suggestions and replies**

[kiwi_flame]

OOOpppps... sorry all NOT jumping in there to have sex (error) in previous reply!

[Skell]

I was going to say. I was worried for a minute there.
What were the questions he was asking that made you feel uncomfortable.
I don't see a need for him to meet this person unless you are there. They wouldn't know one another if it weren't for you so why is he so keen to meet her? I would be a little suspect on that myself.
Especially if his questions related to her questionable practices in regards to relatioonships / flings.

It does come down to trust though. It doesn't appear that you can trust him and her. Not good for a relationship.

[kiwi_flame]

Yes I know that's true... However he could have reassured me it wasn't more then meeting... But he did'nt.
So I guess he will look at that too "trust" but I do trust him but just not with her.. maybe because he asked so many questions about her that I feel that way..
Its sad but true.
So now I guess the ball is in his court but whatever comes of it... It will be I suppose.

[Skell]

If you don't trust him with that girl then you should tell him as much and ask him not to see her.
If he refuses then you have a decision to make in regards to your relationship with him...

[Skell]

Of what nature were his questions?
I think that may shed some ligght on his thinking. Was it simple questions one may ask about their partners friend or were they more than that.
Yoy said they made you feel uncomfortable? Did you tell him this?

[kiwi_flame]

Yes I told him.. why he wanted to know for and he knew I was a little annoyed about it...
He said asking... and for me not to think that way!
The questions he was asking was about her sex was she doing it safely,also are the guys younger etc...
Also don't think he will see her as she won't knowning how I feel and felt.

[Skell]

If you can't trust her with him how can you trust her not to meet him without you knowing? She seemed quite willing to before... if she has a history of such behaviour then why would she stop just because you want her to.
Is she a habitual cheater / liar? It sounds like that! I wouldn't trust her full stop and I would tell him this and why!
It cettianly sounds weird though why he is so eager to meet one of your friends that he doesn't know whilst not in your company!

[kiwi_flame]

Well after I told him all... hes backed right off but yes I don't know if he's in contact with her.. I hope not...
But somehow I don't think so. As he told me it was only meeting her not to jump in her pants (so to speak) That was it.. Just to meet.
He's not really talking to me at the moment I think he's working things out,so for now I have to see if there is still an "Us" or just a "me".

[Skell]

Well dotn go begging to him. Let him "work things out" on his own.
If this is that big and issue to him then I suspect he may have had other ideas about this meeting.
I know it sounds like I might be hanging an innocent man, however some of his actions do seem a little fishy to me. That's all.
Is he upset at you because you told him you were uncomfortable about him being around her when you arnt around??

[kiwi_flame]

No... hes annoyed for the fact I was thinking he would do that.. hav a fling.. Thats what he's annoyed about.
No trust as far as he's concerned I suppose... But yes I think that is best.. let him work it out without any pressure from me.
He's the type when he needs timeout.. he just simply shuts down... So for now I'll carry on.
Thanks for your replies also