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    rogers5874's Avatar
    rogers5874 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 26, 2009, 01:56 PM
    He want to move in together and I want to be engaged first
    My boyfriend has been unofficially living with me for the last 7 months- his clothes are here and he stays every night. Recently he keeps bringing up officially living together. I have been blowing it off and changing the subject. When we first met I said I did not want to live with someone and share a home with them unless I was engaged or married. This was when we first met, now I feel awkward repeating myself. I don’t want to appear like I am giving him an ultimatum. How can I discuss this without it being intense and hopeully being positive?
    starfirefly's Avatar
    starfirefly Posts: 397, Reputation: 33
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    #2

    Jan 26, 2009, 02:09 PM

    Just tell him next time it comes up that you are not ready for that full of a commitment yet
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
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    #3

    Jan 26, 2009, 02:20 PM

    But you already are. He's been living with you for seven months.

    He sees that you already went back on your own wishes by letting him stay with you for seven months... and he thinks that he can have his cake and eat it, too.

    Why wouldn't he? You are giving him everything he wants, why should he propose?
    Jasmin88's Avatar
    Jasmin88 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 26, 2009, 08:57 PM

    Hi, you are having two minds, you want to tay with him but then you are thinkign about your principles too. Anyway as you two are in love, you should be able to discu this honeslty. Tell him how you feel about thing. I think we feel a bit insecure about livign together without being engagged. Best thing is to tell him the truth but be soft and nice. Then liten to what he says. When you take a decision consider all facts
    Dare81's Avatar
    Dare81 Posts: 264, Reputation: 44
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    #5

    Jan 26, 2009, 10:14 PM

    Sit him down and talk to him.Tell him how you feel about him living with you. Communication is the key to a good relationship
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #6

    Jan 26, 2009, 10:35 PM

    What's the difference between "unofficially living together" and "officially living together"?
    Dare81's Avatar
    Dare81 Posts: 264, Reputation: 44
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    #7

    Jan 26, 2009, 10:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    What's the difference between "unofficially living together" and "officially living together"?
    I don't think she is comfortable with either, but she probably does not want to upset her boyfriend, hence the problem
    rogers5874's Avatar
    rogers5874 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Jan 27, 2009, 06:41 AM
    The difference is in my own mind. UNofficially is he spends every night here and has most of his clothes here, but has his own place. Officially is his name on the mailbox, all of his stuff here and sharing of finanical responsibilities.
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #9

    Jan 27, 2009, 06:43 AM

    Have you said all of your last post to HIM?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #10

    Jan 27, 2009, 06:50 AM

    Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

    With all the problems your having and resolved none of them, I am surprised your still together.

    No communications, no relationship.
    shan09's Avatar
    shan09 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jan 28, 2009, 07:06 PM
    You should definitely tell him how you feel. Stick to your principles of not living together until engagement or marriage. Sounds like he's too comfortable. If he doesn't respect your answer and still wants to live together, I would make myself less available (without playing games). Therefore he won't be able to stay over every night... maybe he'll appreciate you more. What is it with guys and marriage? They act like its death.. hehe. Yet men live longer when they are in committed relationships (proven studies)
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #12

    Jan 29, 2009, 06:37 AM

    And Tal comes in with the ever unpresent REAL details of the relationship. I agree, I'm surprised you two are still together but you need to start communicating or it's a ticking time bomb
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