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accrtprof · Aug 4, 2006, 02:24 AM

I am divorced. My ex-wife has a boy friend who wants to adopt my children.
They are not married. Does he have to marry her before he can adopt?
Do I have any rights to visit or communicate with my children if I give permission to adopt?

J_9 · Aug 4, 2006, 02:34 AM

If you give him permission to adopt, most likely you are giving up your parental rights. Do you want to do that?

Any visitation or communication after the adoption will then be strictly up to them. Remember then he will be the "father."

You should seek legal advice in helping you to decide this. Most lawyers will give a free consultation.

ScottGem · Aug 4, 2006, 05:32 AM

I'm curious about this. Generally, adoption occurs when one or both parents are not on the scene. I'm not expert in this area, but I cannot see a judge granting an adoption unless you are totally in agreement with it. If you plan on being part of your child's life, why would you do that?

You really should discuss this with the attorney that handled the divorce.

K_3 · Aug 4, 2006, 06:38 AM

Do you want him to adopt your children? Have you been paying child support? If you have paid child support, he cannot adopt them without your permission. If you have not paid child support and can not come up with the money, there is nothing you can do. She can petition the court and the judge can allow the adoption process. I am not sure about them being married first.
My oldest daughters father had not paid child support for 4 yrs and when my husband wanted to adopt her, he did not want to sign the papers but could not come up with any money. Now, the lawyer said if he had paid even $1.00the previous year he could have a bit of a leg to stand on and it would have been harder but could still happen. He lived in a different state and had seen her 3 times in 4yrs. He signed the papers and I promised him he could see her anytime he wanted and kept my promise. I wanted the adoption because if anything happened to me I did not want he and his wife to raise my daughter, as she did not know them my husband loved her as he did our children and I did not want her life to be turned upside down.

ScottGem · Aug 4, 2006, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by K_3

I wanted the adoption because if anything happened to me I did not want he and his wife to raise my daughter...

Just a point here. You did not need to have your husband adopt your daughter to ensure that he would continue to raise her in case something happened to you. You could have just specified guardianship in a will.

Of course adoption is a better course because a) the adoptive parent assumes legal responsibility for the child and b) it gives the child a stronger bond with the adoptive parent because they volunteered to take that responsibility.

K_3 · Aug 4, 2006, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Just a point here. You did not need to have your husband adopt your daughter to ensure that he would continue to raise her in case something happened to you. You could have just specified guardianship in a will.

Of course adoption is a better course because a) the adoptive parent assumes legal responsibility for the child and b) it gives the child a stronger bond with the adoptive parent because they volunteered to take that responsibility.

I had discussed this with my lawyer and my X could have fought it and possibly gotten custody depending on the judge. I wanted to make sure and my husband wanted her to have the same last name and know she was wanted by him. Kids in school would not ask why her last name was different. I realize she could have taken his name in school, I have seen that done. It makes for confusion on legal documents. I am one that wants important issued to be taken care of where there can be no question. By adoption I knew that was it. There could not be any legal battle to confuse things.
Where my children were concerned, I felt totally responsible and never left anything to chance.:) Maybe a bit too concerned, but they were a gift to me to raise I which took seriously, and thankfully they have turned out well.

ScottGem · Aug 4, 2006, 08:10 AM

I think your lawyer was being very conservative or just wanted to convince you that adoption was the best alternative for you. Which I agree it was.

I just wanted to point out to anyone reading this thread that adoption was not the only alternative to insure guardianship.

accrtprof · Aug 5, 2006, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

If you give him permission to adopt, most likely you are giving up your parental rights. Do you want to do that?

Any visitation or communication after the adoption will then be strictly up to them. Remember then he will be the "father."

You should seek legal advice in helping you to decide this. Most lawyers will give a free consultation.

Thanks for your reply. I have a lot of thinking to do. Probably the best advice is to talk with a lawyer about this before I do anything else.

J_9 · Aug 5, 2006, 07:04 PM

Yes, you need to talk with an attorney.

From your post, I am not sure you want to give up your parental rights. This basically means, in very simple layman's terms, that you do not want to be the parent anymore.

accrtprof · Aug 6, 2006, 03:48 AM

Thanks for your reply J_9. I hope you got my earlier reply. My question was about my son and his x-wife who has a boy friend who wants to adopt my son's children. My wife is raising hell with me. I am a constant worrier and I try to solve my son's problems. Your advice was to consult an attorney. THAT is the best advice. Only thing is that my son WILL HAVE TO DO THAT. I have to stay out of it. There are so many facets and I better stay out of it for my own sanity.
My biggest, and newest, problem is trying to figure out how to make this message board work for me. There are a lot of nice people on here willing to give advice and help.
I wish you lots of good luck with your nursing studies. I retired from teaching Respiratory Therapy. If I can help you in any way, please let me know.
I will probably be asking you other questions as they come up. I have a hunch you are a rescuer much the same as I. I love to help people if I can. Stay well. Prof (the newbie on the block)

paulnjenn · Aug 20, 2008, 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by accrtprof

I am divorced. My ex-wife has a boy friend who wants to adopt my children.
They are not married. Does he have to marry her before he can adopt?
Do I have any rights to visit or communicate with my children if I give permission to adopt?

If your ex-wife and her boyfriend are not married, he cannot adopt your children because they have to be married IF they get married and you decide to let him adopt your children you will no longer have financial responsibility nor visitation

Synnen · Aug 20, 2008, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by paulnjenn

If your ex-wife and her boyfriend are not married, he cannot adopt your children because they have to be married IF they get married and you decide to let him adopt your children you will no longer have financial responsibility nor visitation

First, this thread is 2 years old--I doubt it matters to the OP anymore.

Second, your advice is not exactly correct. Some states do not require marriage. Also, while financial responsibility is usually ended with adoption, some visitation may be allowed, depending on the state and the circumstances involved. If a court rules that visitation can continue, because it's in the child's best interests to have continued involvement by that parent, then visitation can still happen. Usually in those cases, though, there is no reason for a stepparent adoption.

Either way, the OP is probably not going to come back to see your post about it.