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brandinzac · Aug 3, 2006, 06:20 PM

My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for ten years and married for four of those years. When my husband and I started dating we would stay up all night talking on the phone and now we talk but then we fight. We can not carry on a conversation without one of us getting mad at one another. I love my husband more then I ever thought I could love anyone. What should I do:( . Also how do I get him to trust me again, let me explain when we first got together I messed around and told him later on but now he thinks that is all that I do and I can say with God as witness I have not done anything or thought about it at all. Please help!

Krs · Aug 4, 2006, 02:05 AM

As on of my favorite saying goes :-

People forgive but they Don't forget!
No matter how long ago.

How about suggesting marriage counseling?

aqua@home · Aug 4, 2006, 08:51 AM

I agree, marriage counselling is probably best. I know it can be hard but Krs is right, forgetting is not always possible. If you cheated, you cheated and I know I wouldn't be able to get over that. I suggest professional help.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 4, 2006, 10:06 AM

You'd be surprised how much can be salvaged in a marriage with regular sessions with a good counseling professional. It took both my husband and I getting with one to learn how to appropriately fight even, which is a skill not to be underestimated! Please shed any reservations you have and look into soon -- there is no need for either of you to be suffering one moment longer. You can try your regular physician or minister for a referral. A good therapist will make you both feel at ease enough to open up and work it out. I have recently advised an older friend (a dear man who volunteers at my office) who's 40+ year marriage is in trouble to see the counselor I use. I heard last week that both feel comfortable with the therapist and are relieved to be getting help. Thanks for posting and if you have any questions regarding this, post them here too. Good luck!

brandinzac · Aug 4, 2006, 06:15 PM

How do I get him to go for a counselor? How do I know that even if we do talk that it will solve anything.I did not sleep with the guy but he does not believe me and I want to get past this so that I can have his trust again so I may try to get him to go to a session

valinors_sorrow · Aug 4, 2006, 06:18 PM

Find the counselor, set the appointment, resolve to go yourself if necessary but ask him politely to accompany you, ask in the tone that says, "I need your help please, ... I value this marriage and I think I need some help, won't you please come with me?"

brandinzac · Aug 4, 2006, 06:38 PM

I will try it thank you for the help now just to get him away from work

s_cianci · Aug 9, 2006, 06:02 PM

What things do you end up fighting about? It sounds like your husband has some insecurities where these things are concerned. Some reassurance from you regarding these may be what he needs. Is the "messing around" thing that you've owned up to what does it? If so then you need to address this with him and alleviate his concerns. You say that it happened "when you first got together." Do you mean when you first started dating 10 years ago or when you got married 4 years ago? If it's the latter, then I can see where you have a definite problem. If it's the former, however, then he ought to be able to deal with something that happened 10 years ago, no doubt before the two of you ever got serious with each other.

starlite · Aug 31, 2006, 05:01 AM

Hi there brandinzac... hope you managed to get your hubby to the counsellor.
There is obviously a serious need for help and advise in your marriage. If your husband really cares and wants as much as you do to salvage the marriage then he will accompany you to the counsellor without grunting or being difficult.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 31, 2006, 05:05 PM

You get him to go by going yourself after inviting him to go. It may take that for him to see how serious you are and he may relent to go because he doesn't want to be left out or left behind. Besides, he sees you asking him to do what you are willing to do yourself. That is a very empowering thing. And if he still refuses to go with you, you're still ahead for having gone yourself. That's what I call a win-win.