[missplaced]

Yesterday my boyfriend of 9 months asked me to give him some time to think about our relationship. We've been fighting constantly for almost 2 months. The day before yesterday we had a huge fight and we both got hysterical. I couldn't stop crying until I got in the cab and when I got home I felt very cooled off about the relationship and I sent him a really cold message. Yesterday he said that he needs some time to think about our future. He said that right now he is very nervous and he wants to calm down before he can make that decision. I kept insisting that we both know the outcome and that he didn't need to wait for time to pass by to break up with me. In a way I wanted him to break up because the relationship became a torture for the both of us but I couldn't end it. We really love each other too much but we can't stop fighting. Anyway I gave him the time and I myself started thinking more serious than usual. I finally figured out what the problem was. Lately he was going through an extremely hard period and he got very cold. I tried to get through to him but I couldn't so I became even colder and all this time I was waiting for him to fix our problems. Now I know that I'm the only one that can save the relationship and I know how but I'm afraid that I won't get a chance to do that. Telling him this won't work so please advice me how to keep him!!

[kctiger]

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[missplaced]

Like my question wasn't long and boring enough... I forgot to say that he is the one that gives the reason to fight but I'm the one one that takes things too dramatically. Those are not even real reasons, I'm just sensitive about the changes in his behavior towards me. I screwed up seriously just one time before and we had a situation similar to this one. Only that time I started apologizing and promising the very next day and we got back together without even fixing the problem. That's why I don't think that he will fall for the things I have to tell him, even though this time I'm extremely honest.

[Rachel005]

Okay,
This seems like a really confusing situation. Just think to yourself can I picture myself being with him getting married having kids.
Honestly no lie me and my boyfriend have been together 9 months just 2 days ago. And we have been fighting for about the past three month's not big screaming and fighting ones, thoughs are occational but yeahh I get a bad butterfly feeling every time I get a bad vibe from him.
Just look at him and ask him weather he wants to talk about it or not,
Ask him if he sees you with him in the next year or 5 or 10.
You guys are going to go through rough times and if he's not willing to work through them with you then maybe this is the righht person for you and maybe take a break not a long one it might help, calling him won't hurt.
For me honestly something I have to say to my boyfriend its easyier to be in a dark room with him and say it. If you are pretty possitive and you believe he is the one don't break it off with him and if he's stupid enough to loose a girl like you then so be it I mean you're asking for advice and willing to take it from anyone, do you think he would do that. No no.
And him giving the reasons to fighht I'm emotional too, and I sit there and cry but I mean just tell him there's no reason for the fightting and if he wants to work it out with you then he will.
I really hope this hellped.

[talaniman]

Leave each other alone and let the emotional dust settle for you both. It called a cooling off period, and that's how reasonable adults control there anger and frustration, by backing off each other so things and people can calm down and think.

[cinamon2661]

Oh. Wow, you sound a lot like me. I don't know your exact situation, but I'm going to try and give you some advice to save you from the heart-breaking break-up I just went through. I had the same problem - he gave reasons for me to get upset (usually it was because I thought he didn't care enough), and I am a major drama queen. He got fed up, and ended it. I was cold, and mean, just like you said you were, and then I begged him to take me back, and that just made the situation worse, because now he doesn't even want to be my friend.

DON'T DO EITHER OF THOSE THINGS!! Meaning, don't be cold and mean anymore, and don't beg him. Stop constantly calling him and messaging him (if you're doing that), and as hard as this will be, give him a little time and space to cool down BEFORE the situation gets worse. Trust me, I know. Give it like a week. If he contacts you, then great, talk to him! But be calm, and composed, and DON'T over-react, be mean, beg, or guilt him into ANYTHING! Let him come to you, and if he doesn't call you/contact you within the next week, THEN you can call him or leave him a message. But only ONE call or ONE message.

After that, if he STILL isn't talking to you, give him some more space. Space, or a break is MUCH better than a full-on "done forever" break-up. I hope you listen to me and I can save you the heartache that I am going through. I wish I had someone tell me this a few weeks ago/last month.

I hope I helped, and good luck! Also, tell him how much you love him, but not in a begging/pleading kind of way. Just make it obvious you care, in a healthy way.

[missplaced]

2 threads merged

Me and my boyfriend had some problems (check my previous question if you like ti know the details) but we kind of stayed together. We weren't on a typical brake cause he tried to communicate with me every day. Two days ago I wrote an extremely honest e-mail but I couldn't send it to him. On skype I told him that I was thinking a lot and wrote an e-mail but I won't send it until he cools off and tells me to send it. I guess he was asleep then but he replied the next day(thursday), the same moment he got to work. He told me to send it and he sent me a kiss(a small insignificant detail which meant a lot to me). I was asleep then and 2 hours later he called me and woke me up. He seemed so impatient to read it. After he read it he waited for an hour to reply. He said that he forgives me and mentioned something about the future. He wrote to me few more times while he was at work but he hasn't written anything to me since then. Last night I had some problems with my lap top and I wrote to him but he didn't write me back. Yesterday it was all OK, he even told me that he loved me and now he is ignoring me again! I can't take this anymore! Three days he's nervous and cold but he still writes to me every day, then he's calm and loving for a day and after that he starts ignoring me!

[neverme]

You need to take responsibility for your relationship.

If it's not working for you for whatever reasons you need to walk away.

Your not helping yourself or him if you stay where you are unhappy. It may or may not spell the end of your relationship, it may just be a starting point for real communication. Either way it works out it has to be better than this frustration.

Best of Luck.