[miffedinvt]

I am 48, my boyfriend is 50. We have been together for 1 1//2 years. We live together. Our sex life seemed very normal and active up until this past August. To make a long story short I found out that every time I would be gone from the house he would put a porn movie in and masturbate. When we did have "sex" it was me giving him oral and then that would be it. I finally confronted him. He at first was mad saying I was spying on him. He then said he has been doing this for a long time (years). I asked him if he was attracted to me and he said "not as much as I should be". He said he was in love with me and did not want me to leave. Things have gotten a bit better over the last few weeks but in the back of my mind I know things still are not right. Every other aspect of our relationship is perfect. Any suggestions??

[TexasParent]

Male solo masturbation within a relationship is not all that uncommon. As for the porn, while this can be a problem if it turns to an addiction men like something visual to help them when they are masturbating.

Perhaps some communication on how to get your sex life re-energized. While I'm not suggesting you accept porn if you don't like it, but some couples view porn together and it enhances the lovemaking that happens about 10 minutes into the movie... lol. You could masturbate together, or simply explore some fantasies with each other in a non-judgemental way.

If you approach this with care and love, I am sure you both will come away more satisfied (pun intended) :)

[asdfghjkl98]

If he already admits he has been doing this for years I wouldn't be to terribly upset. If it is a routine for him. It sounds like he has been doing it longer than you guys have been together so then you know it is not your fault.
My concern is the comment he said about being attracted to you.
I was be mad and mortified if someone told me that, you sound like you took it a lot better than I would have!
A talk would be a good idea for you guys. He obviously loves you because he is not breaking up with you.
If you ask him why and what you can do then it might help.
But don't think you are the only one who could change from this. If he isn't looking as hot as you like maybe suggest to him what he could do.
Don't be mean or anything!lol

Hope it all works out

[Choux]

A fifty year old man has had plenty of living under his belt, and it is pretty much a fact that a new relationship in middle age years will be very different from a sexual relationship when we are 21.

He doesn't want you prying into his mastubatary activies, and he is willing to hurt you to get you to back off. Girl, if you don't like his solo activities, go find another man... OR let this issue go, just forget about it.

Learn acceptance or move on. *Be happy*. Don't look for problems, you will surely find them.

Very best wishes to you, :)

[miffedinvt]

If he already admits he has been doing this for years i wouldnt be to terribly upset. If it is a routine for him. it sounds like he has been doing it longer than you guys have been together so then you know it is not your fault.
My concern is the comment he said about being attracted to you.
I was be mad and mortified if someone told me that, you sound like you took it a lot better than i would have!
a talk would be a good idea for you guys. He obviously loves you because he is not breaking up with you.
If you ask him why and what you can do then it might help.
but dont think you are the only one who could change from this. If he isnt looking as hot as you like maybe suggest to him what he could do.
dont be mean or anything!lol

hope it all works out

I know I think I must be in denial...

[smoothy]

At 50 he might be experienceing some minor ED issues as well...

[miffedinvt]

At 50 he might be experienceing some minor ED issues as well.....

During masturbation he has no problem, when having intercourse he has a harder time staying hard so I end up having to "manually" satisfy him...

[bronzebabe]

I hate to tell you, but he will continue this way, until he cannot have sex with you at all, because he cannot keep erect. If you Want sex, and love, it's likely it will not be with him. Depends on what you want in that relationship. I think sex in a relationship IS important. It is not to him. Decision time!

[TexasParent]

During masturbation he has no problem, when having intercourse he has a harder time staying hard so I end up having to "manually" satisfy him.....

Different issue not being able to stay hard during intercourse although related in this case if porn is always part of his masturbation routine. Talk with him, perhaps both of you could come to some understanding as to how to spice up your sex life.

Furthermore, if he is masturbating then he's likely not as sensitive physically to your body. In having this discussion, ask him if he could lay off masturbation for a while so that he can return his genitalia to a greater sensitivity.

Also, the biggest sex organ is the mind, in talking with him both of you could try and figure out how to enhance both your sex lives by engaging the mind more during sex play.

[smoothy]

During masturbation he has no problem, when having intercourse he has a harder time staying hard so I end up having to "manually" satisfy him.....

He can still have an issue... he has a bit more control and more focus doing it himself than he will in normal sex. Now what his problem can be can be either mental of physical, possibly even both. From what you are describing he is having real physical issues... and he is right on that borderline area not far from having issues getting it up altogether.

What medications are he on, has he had any recent physicals and what did the doctor say. There are a number of medical conditions and medicines that can cause this. You don't just have to accept it as it is unless the problem is one that won't respond to reatment. This is more likely a symptom of another problem than the problem itself.

[miffedinvt]

He can still have an issue....he has a bit more control and more focus doing it himself than he will in normal sex. Now what his problem can be can be either mental of physical, possibly even both. From what you are describing he is having real physical issues....and he is right on that borderline area not far from having issues getting it up altogether.

What medications are he on, has he had any recent physicals and what did the doctor say. There are a number of medical conditions and medicines that can cause this. You don't just have to accept it as it is unless the problem is one that won't respond to reatment. This is more likely a symptom of another problem than the problem itself.

He is on blood pressure medication... he won't talk about this issue at all...