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underwood · Mar 10, 2009, 11:05 PM

Oh Boy can I empathize with your situation but its only been 8 months for me. 20 years?? My God man you deserve a purple heart.

I just think not enough people are exposed to good sex. So they repeat the same maladaptive sexual behavior in their relationships. I never understood the concept "its all about ME sex" but its well known phenomena. The guy gets off not satisfiying the woman and the woman finishes while he's in the shower... or its just accepted that if you don't get off in a certain period then that's your tough luck. Sex is not a shared event. It just seems like a selfish act. I'm currently in a similar relationship and very frustrated. Like you I have been in great sexual relationships in the past.

In order to have great sex both parties must be flexible and giving. It sounds like your wife has had this selfish behavior for 20 years. Its going to be rather hard to break the habit now. Maybe you just need to give up sex all together for it to hit home or seek counseling.

logicalthinker · Mar 11, 2009, 12:16 AM

I think I'm confused. How does her wanting to orgasm every time make her selfish? Unless there are times where sex is literally all about her, and you don't climax, I don't see how it is being selfish that she feels you should both climax when you have sex. Because it takes her longer? That's what foreplay is for.

underwood · Mar 11, 2009, 08:58 AM

[QUOTE=logicalthinker;1597621]I think I'm confused. How does her wanting to orgasm every time make her selfish? Unless there are times where sex is literally all about her, and you don't climax, I don't see how it is being selfish that she feels you should both climax when you have sex. Because it takes her longer? That's what foreplay is for.[/QUOTE

I think the point he is making is that if the focus is always on her to have an orgasm and she doesn't care if her partner gets an orgasm or is satisfied... that is very selfish. Its great if they both climax together but I don't think according to author she even cares about that. I think he said something about he has 30 seconds to get off her after she orgasms... while she lies there like a fish. Hardly a picture of a person who is enthusiastic about the needs of her partner. One would hope after she orgasms,. she helps him to climax. Either give him BJ, fondle him so that he can climax or orgasm.

smoothy · Mar 11, 2009, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by underwood

I think the point he is making is that if the focus is always on her to have an orgasm and she doesn't care if her partner gets an orgasm or is satisfied....that is very selfish. Its great if they both climax together but I don't think according to author she even cares about that. I think he said something about he has 30 seconds to get off her after she orgasms ...while she lies there like a fish. Hardly a picture of a person who is enthusiastic about the needs of her partner. One would hope after she orgasms, ...she helps him to climax. Either give him BJ, fondle him so that he can climax or orgasm.

That's the way I read it as well. She ONLY cares about HER getting off. She can't be bothered unless she does... and once she does she can't be bothered to see him though it either.

Justwantfair · Mar 11, 2009, 09:08 AM

Originally Posted by had12mny

We spend 20 minutes bringing her to orgasm with various uncomfortable positions. By the time she is done i am ready to explode so i get to do what makes me happy for the remaining 30 seconds.

She always allows him to finish, she just want sex to bring her to orgasm as well, not just be all about him.

If she isn't able to orgasm, then she just lays there like a fish until he does, but he is orgasming every time.

smoothy · Mar 11, 2009, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

She always allows him to finish, she just want sex to bring her to orgasm as well, not just be all about him.

If she isn't able to orgasm, then she just lays there like a fish til he does, but he is orgasming every time.

See, therein lies the problem... laying there like a fish.

She's being passive-agressive about it.

Ren6 · Mar 11, 2009, 11:23 AM

Your problem screams out for couples counseling. While twenty minutes is not a long time for a woman to orgasm, her lack of enthusiasm and unwillingness to offer you a "no strings attached" bj every now and again is out of line. She really needs to be able to communicate with you in an open, non passive/agressive way about sex. I hope things improve...

shyfoxie · Mar 12, 2009, 10:39 PM

I have a feeling this is something that'd be worked out if she understood that, well, the sex isn't necessarily about whether he gets to come, but whether they both get to enjoy it. Guys need passion too, after all.

It sounds like she's so focused on orgasm, that she might not even be enjoying being with her man. Isn't the idea supposed to be that you're having an enjoyable experience together with your partner?

heartbroken27 · Mar 12, 2009, 11:50 PM

I personally think that pleasure should be a two way street. It isn't fair for her to be satisfied and you not. You should talk to her... tell her how you feel. Of course I'm not her but if you were my man I would make sure you were totally satisfied and anything that made you happy and turned you on would turn me on too... and I truly mean anything...

KMJorad · Sep 13, 2009, 11:45 AM

I think you sound like the selfish one, not your wife. Sex is not all about one person. It's a two-person act. You lament like it's too much work for you to do 20 minutes of foreplay for your wife which is so sad. You then complain that all your wife would do is 45 minutes of fondling your genitals in the car... but that wasn't good enough because you wanted a blow job.

When is it ever all about your wife? Is there ever a time that she gets to orgasm by your work alone and then you go without? I doubt it, but this is what you think should happen for you as if it's an entitlement. I don't see the act of preparing her body for sex properly (your dreaded and painful 20 minutes) as being all about her.