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Fizzy Burst · Jan 19, 2009, 08:45 PM

OK, so my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I'm 26 and she's 19 (big mistake on my part! ). Looks like she went on the rebound and hooked up with an old ex who her family doesn't like. I accept the fact that we are broken up, and I know that I am not going to get back with her, and I have no intention of getting back with her if she were to ask. Ex's are ex's for reasons. She's really confused in life right now. I'm trying to help her and stay her friend (something she wants). I'm about over the junior high stuff she is saying, but I can't pull away from trying to help. My profession is a counselor, I'm trying to help her, but when do I say enough is enough? I work with her mom (who hooked us up). We talk about what is going on all the time. I feel like I'm drowning is this stuff sometimes, but it's in my nature to be the helper. I could use some advice.

nike 1 · Jan 19, 2009, 08:51 PM

When it gets too emotional for you personally or when she never seems to take your advice is a good time to let that go. But I think it's very compassionate for you to want to help her. Also if she never seems to appreciate it, then she is just taking advantage.

simoneaugie · Jan 19, 2009, 09:14 PM

Part of being a good helper means knowing when to back away. You need distance, from her, the relationship and her issues. You need to look out for you. Otherwise, being her helper becomes a mucky swamp of good intentions.

Take some time for activities and people that are positive. Others who give back are as important as those who only seem to take or need.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2009, 10:49 AM

Sometimes Mr. Counselor, you have to leave work, and go home, and help yourself. Not easy to change hats. But you keep your personal life and business life separate (in your mind of course), or you'll never leave work, so that's no fun, or your always at home, and that ruins your job.

BALANCE

jmw0713 · Jan 20, 2009, 11:42 AM

Don't sacrifice your emotional stability to help a confused girl who just ravaged your heart.

Your putting yourself through unneeded stress and pain.

Time to work on helping yourself for a while.