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inabi · Sep 16, 2004, 07:09 AM

I am very much new to this, but I will try to help others as much as I possibly can while you guys help me. This may take a while, so please excuse the long post.
First a little background:
I'm 24, I have no friends, have only been on one date in my life, have only had 3 boyfriends in my life and all 3 of them cheated on me (this is sort of trivial but it bothers me) and I have been sheltered, severely, all my life. Even now I still live with my mom. I know I a suffer from Chronic Despression, anxiety and I have major suicidal tendencies... the slits are still visible. I have never seen a psychiatrist, they are too expensive and to have to make an appointment 6 months ahead of time for a state psychiatrist is out of the question. The problem is, I can't seem to think straight. I get a new job pretty much every year, (every 2 months these days) because I can't seem to do anything right. I make horrible decisions, I can think of at least 20 things in my past that I should have done otherwise. There are normal, simple things that most people do that I just can't seem to do right. Like getting up and going to work for some company every day. I can't think of a reason why I would want to work for some idiot who pockets a good 99 percent of profit and gives me 1 percent and doesn't know what he/she/it is doing anyway. Ok rambling aside, my big problem is really, I don't see my life going anywhere. I'm too stupid to think of a way to get myself out of this, I'm a worthless piece of crap and I really don't deserve anything. Is there some sort of drug that you can get from a doctor that will numb your mind and let you live for the rest of your days as a mindless drone so I won't have to think about how idiotic I am? Is there some sort of point that I have to hit to be able to "get it"? Is there some... thing... that everybody else goes through that I have to put myself through in order for life to make sense? Right now I see no point in it and I'd much rather end it then keep going and see the same things day in and day out. Is it that I'm supposed to do the traditional thing, go to school, get married, have kids, die? Is that it? Maybe visit a place or two? None of it has any meaning to me. What is it that I am missing?

Thanks all for any help you can give... I don't know where to go now.

If I sound confused it's cause I am. :( :( :-[ :-[ :( :(

elrp2 · Sep 21, 2004, 02:43 PM

I have felt the same way you described before and it took lots of small things to help turn my life around. It's not an easy thing to do, and it can only be done if you try and you truly want to get better.

Although depression is partly a result of a chemical imbalance I personally wouldn't turn to medication to sort it. I think that medication will give you a false sense of happiness and it's better for you to find happiness within yourself rather than being given it 3 times a day because you cannot take tablets for the rest of your life.

It's going to be hard, and it will take time but here are a few steps to help you sort your problems.

1. Tell someone how you feel, like your parents/guardians. They've known you for the longest and will care enough to help you through this. Just by telling someone you will feel better. As you may have done when typing this. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, write it in a letter and give it to your mum, or leave it next to her bed - somewhere only she will find it. It's hard to tell people especially when for a long while you've felt so alone but the fact of the matter is, you don't have to be alone. You're not alone.

2. It's not easy to find your direction in life. It's not uncommon to feel lost and as if your life is going nowhere. Regardless of the qualifications you have now, and the job you are currently doing write a list of things you enjoy. For everything you enjoy, there is a career related to that. You're only 24 and have the power to do anything, and be anyone. Don't feel like it's too late to change jobs. For example, if you enjoy reading then have you ever tried writing yourself? Perhaps, songs, poems, short stories. Go through every activity you like and find a way you could turn it into a job. Even if you like watching films, why not do a media course at college? It's not too late. Don't feel like you have to put up with being in a job and being unhappy, you can find a job you enjoy.

3. You do not have to fit in the idealistic view society has laid out for us, we don't have to get married, have a family, settle down, have a good job and a pet rabbit. Do what you want to do, and if those things are meant to happen to you, and if there comes a time in your life when you want them, then cross that bridge when you come to it. For now, live in the present. As I said before, you're young and should live up to your own expectations, not anyone else's.

4. I know the last thing you probably feel like doing at the moment is getting out there and meeting new people but it could do you the world of good. I'm not necessarily referring to bars and clubs, how about joining a club? Look in your local paper for nearby clubs you can join e.g. art, yoga, keep fit. I think a keep fit club, or aerobics will help immensley. It will give your body the kick it needs to help fight this depression. And you'll meet new people by going every week or so.

5. Have a clear out. Go through everything in your room which has a negative link to your past and get rid of it. Give your room a whole new look, A new coat of paint is simple and will give the feeling of newness. A fresh start is what you need to try and do, and as much as you may hesitate, I strongly suggest you try.

If you're anything like me then you'll be finding it hard to remember what it was like to be happy, and don't feel like you could feel any way other than you do now. It's how I felt anyway, but I can assure you, you don't have to live the way you are. You can get better and you can enjoy life. To be able to post on here that you need help shows you're a strong person, and the fact you haven't given up shows you're a strong person too. So just don't give up.

opal183 · Sep 21, 2004, 07:24 PM

Do you have something you could do to take your mind off stuff? I get depressed and in "funks" for lack of a better word a lot, I'm prebably clincially depressed, but like you can't afford to go anywhere or do anything. But whenever I go running, I feel so much better, it clears my mind.

Things can't always stay bad, I'm convinced that as bad as stuff gets, that there's good out there. It just takes longer for others. Have you talked to your mom?

I'm sorry I can't be of a better help.. please think of your mother and don't do something stupid that would shatter her spirits, also.
Good luck

GreenX · Oct 21, 2004, 11:24 PM

I reckon if you get out and go to a club, have some drinks, try not to get to paranoid and stick it out that you will find a good guy. It happens all the time doesn't it?

turtlegirl · Jun 18, 2005, 08:39 AM

Ha! A good guy in a club? What club is that? :rolleyes:

fredg · Jun 18, 2005, 08:49 AM

Hi,
Have you tried talking with a Preacher, Paster, Clergyman??
Are you spirtual in any way?
Talk with one of the above, and I'll bet you will feel better.
Tried prayer??
It works.
fredg

artistall · Jun 21, 2005, 08:02 AM

I think you are subjecting yourself to undue stress by trying to conform to "Norms" of society. You are a "Free Thinker" and want to go about life in your own way. You are not just a "Cog" in the wheel of the machine! This is not a bad thing, in fact, most often it is something that can be used to you're advantage! Financial wealth is not achieved in this world by going out and working a 9 to 5 job. You are not a piece of crap as others would have you believe. They most likely don't have the courage to quit a job to find something better. Instead they work the daily grind in exchange for a lowly paycheck that is doled out by an employer that is getting rich! The problem is that you are looking at your life in the wrong way. So you live with your mother and hate jobs, big deal. Use it for all it's worth and stop putting yourself down for it. You want more out of life and are willing to struggle for it. Later in life you will have so much money you won't even know what to do with it. Many people have had a million jobs and are now millionaires because they found the path in life that was best for them. Spend more time with you're inner self and try to find what you truly want to do in this world. If you could live anyway you wanted, what would you do?? When you can answer that question then at least you will have some idea of which direction to move. Put friends and boyfriends on the back burner for a while and just focus on what you want to do. Read about people that have gone from rags to riches!! Many people in this world have gone from welfare and food stamps to multi-millionaire!! For "One" Example!!
Here is a excerpt from a biography of J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books:
... After her marriage ended in divorce, Rowling moved to Edinburgh with her daughter to live near her younger sister, Di. While struggling to support Jessica and herself on welfare, Rowling worked on a book...

Think about it!! Stop judging yourself by the standards of the world and the people around you! Be yourself!! Check out "Biography on A&E"

PS: If you can, please reply to the posts as we would like to know how you feel about the advice you are getting because it lets us know how we are doing! We all want to help!

dragnflyangell · Jun 21, 2005, 08:29 AM

I have felt the same way and like you I had no money but getting better to me was really important so I checked myself into the hospital. Yes it does cost money (later) and you can make payments and that stay in the hospital helped me so much. They don't sit there and baby you but they give you tools for when life gets to tough. They helped me get on Social sucurity and yes it took a while but sooner or later I got on it and then I could work on myself. Like you I couldn't hold down a job either and when you apply for it (social security ) they send you to a doctor on there dime. I still get down but I don't cut on myself or try suicide antmore I really hope you can get some help. Remember that," God doesn't put anything in your life you can't handle." I'm a lot more spiritual than religious but that saying got me through some tough times. I wish you the best and if you need to talk. TALK

BSN22 · Jul 19, 2005, 07:02 PM

You must speak to a professional who is trained to handle your specific needs. While this forum is a wonderful place to vent and speak out, it sounds as though you might want to explore other avenues as well. Many of us experience exactly what you describe and all I can tell you is that there is always hope. A pastor, priest, clergyman, etc is a great way to start. If you have medical insurance, call and ask what professionals are in your area and make an appointment. Sometimes it's depression but sometimes it's a chemical imbalance that can be corrected by proper medication combined with counseling.

Best of luck to you!!

Molon Lave · Aug 10, 2008, 02:19 AM

inabi,

Do you still think you are crazy?

N0help4u · Aug 10, 2008, 07:45 AM

First you need to think of some long term goals YOU want to try and get ahead.
Even though it 'sucks' you do need to work for the boss and make the peanuts while they go on five vacations a year and don't care that you can't afford to get your vehicle fixed (my personal experience).
You have to start somewhere and save what you can. Being unemployed you will be stuck and in a rut going nowhere. Try and think of some creative ways you can make money whether it is something as simple as walking dogs, cleaning house, odd jobs or using a talent.
Also if you live in the USA you should be eligible to apply for welfare medical and then you can go get diagnosed and see a counselor/psychologist. It sounds like you may not only be depressed but possibly also Attention Deficit. Or you could try finding a job that has medical benefits.

pretender · Jul 10, 2009, 08:53 PM

hello, I randomly found your post and thought I would help. It was a few years ago but maybe you will read this. I know things about reality which most don't. I will tell you exactly how it works if you want to listen.

firstly, u agreed to this life before you started, something has happened or will happen which was required for your experience. That's what physical reality is for... experiences.

there is a mechanism that you can use to reach your best or intended experience. Keep in mind that your soul has a bigger part which can see your life and every possible outcome. The "higher soul" can communicate to you the best path using a emotion by the name of "excitement". Its your choice to follow it, that's pure free will. Seriously if you put your mind to something and BELIEVE then it will just work. You need faith, in yourself, in your spirit, in excitement...
depression comes from disconnection from your higher self. In which case you need to let your spirit in and feel yourself a bit more. You don't need a reason to be happy.

we are multi-dimensional beings. Which means just by "thinking \ feeling" you can change dimension where different outcomes can happen. Sometimes when people die they are just changing dimension. If you died then you would have a choice to come back and finish off, but you wouldn't remember. You would just feel really different after nearly getting hit by a bus or something... some people have died many times already. Oh and I wouldn't recommend suicide.

time and reality is inside of us, we are not inside reality, once you realise reality isn't so real it works so much better.

to anyone who thinks I made this up or are insain. Hahah, this information will become apparent in the next 5-10 years, (post 2012 when the poles shift) and then... world peace finally?

vLinko · Jul 7, 2010, 04:48 AM

All the best people are.

vLinko · Jul 7, 2010, 04:49 AM

Why does everyone try to find ways to be normal. You're so much more interesting when you're as 'mad as a hatter'

vLinko · Jul 7, 2010, 04:51 AM

Oh sh!t I missed this by 6 years... you could be dead by now. Haha oops anyway stay frosty. Like stay cool. Not stay stay frosty because you're in a box. But if you are don't haunt me. Hope you find me funny. Because I don't. So I'm just going to go now... hope you read this.