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    lizzi's Avatar
    lizzi Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #21

    Jan 17, 2009, 02:11 PM

    Ok fair enough but I obvioulsy didn't mess a family up because things are going good as far as I know and I'm happy to have found her but we have to see what the future holds no body can say if I have done the right thing or wrong thing yet
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #22

    Jan 17, 2009, 02:16 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by lizzi View Post
    Ok fair enough but i obvioulsy didnt mess a family up because things are going good as far as i know and im happy to have found her but we have to see what the future holds no body can say if i have done the right thing or wrong thing yet
    You still aren't getting the point. I've said before that I think you have done the right thing in trying to find your sister. There isn't now and never was any question in my mind that you did the right thing in trying to contact her.

    But people can say that your methods were wrong, even though they didn't turn out badly. There is also no doubt in my mind that you could have and should have handled things differently. That's all I've been trying to say.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #23

    Jan 18, 2009, 10:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lizzi View Post
    Maybe i did go the wrong way of contacting her but i was 100% sure that was my sister and yes i did speak to her brother first but he was older and mature and we both agreed that we wont tell my sister i have rang as it would be better if her mum did it.Im sorry for having a go but this is one of my happy days and some people are spoiling it making me be the bad guy but im not she is my sister and she has a right to know about me..Doesnt it mean i care about her??Also i didnt state this i only found out today that she keeps a photograph of her real family in her bedroom does that make you think well yes she is thinking about her real family?
    There is no such thing as a REAL family.

    She just happens to have TWO legitimate families: a biological one and an adoptive one.

    You have had a great experience with a reunion. But it could have gone HORRIBLY bad. The advice I gave you is the advice I'd give ANYONE seeking an adoptee.

    PS--I find it interesting that I am the pathetic one, according to your disagree, when I at least TYPE like an adult does. You want to know why you were judged as being younger than you are? It's the chat speak that killed you. I (and I'm sure many others) assume that anyone that cannot use proper English is stuck at age 15. As far as being pathetic for not knowing the law--I never said it WAS law. I just know several reunions that have gone wrong, and I know that you cannot search online or through a courthouse for a minor. Can you privately investigate (as you did)? Sure! But no website that has a reunion page even ALLOWS for a minor to be searched for, and you cannot request information about a minor's adoption from a courthouse, either.

    While I'm glad this turned out well for you, I have a 17 year old daughter that I placed for adoption. I would have been angry to the point of never speaking to them again if a family member had tried to contact her before she is 18, and before she attempted to contact US.

    Since she is a minor, her PARENTS (the ones that adopted her) should have the final say in whether SHE does any searching, either.

    If she had NOT known that she was adopted, you could have made things VERY bad for her family.

    Congrats on finding her---but I stand behind my statement that the way you found her was very poorly done.
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