[Dahl]

I feel strange. Occasionally, suddenly it feels like my consciousness has been pushed aside - my movements feel more fluid - I can't tell if they seem quick or slow, but I am still deffinately in control, but not... I can't explain. It doesn't feel like me walking. This doesn't happen all the time, but it happens very suddenly and will last a little while - I don't know how long.. I don't notice when I stops, I don't think.

I have been very down lately - since around last June, but it isn't constant, I get a few days or week where I will cry at anything or nothing. I feel worthless and have had thoughts of suicide - the thing which turned me from those thoughts was the impact it would have on my relations.

I rarely have a day that is happy or content - something will get me down - but I don't know what. I start crying and then find myself makig excuses up about what I'm crying about - I start thinking of things that have made me cry and it gets worse. I don't know what causes it.

I'm starting to gte scared, I really don't know what to do. Please, anything.

[dwalex]

While it is inappropriate to try to diagnos online, what you describe clearly falls within areas suggesting the need for professional help. My advice is to schedule an apointment with a professional counselor or psychologist for a screening. If you cannot afford one, look in the yellow pages for Mental Health Agencies and call for a referral to agencier offering services on a sloding scale. If you feel suicidal, call 911 or a crisis line in your area. With the proper help, you can overcome these feelings and learn to enjoy life. Life is too short to live in misery, make the call today.

Best wishes,
Dwalex

[emaloudon]

Hi Dahl,
I'm sorry you're feeling like this at the minute. I have had these same symptoms myself but I am now fully recovered and only get the occational bad day. I can tell you have depression due to the crying with no particular reason attached to it except a feeling of sorrow, because of the suicidal thoughts and the feelings of worthlessness. Don't panic though because depression is not only common , it's very treatable.
The first thing I would say is with regard to your thoughts of suicide, I had the same thoughts and for the same reasons as you wouldn't really have ever considered actually doing it. Remember that this makes you different from people who do. Just because you've had the thoughts doesn't make you suicidal. Secondly there is an overall cause for this whole thing. Try sitting down and writing out anything that you are unhappy with in your life, and things from the past that make you sad or unhappy in some way. See if any of these things could be the root cause of your problems. It should be most obvious to you because you know yourself best. If everything is still too confusing and you need outside help, do contact a helpline of some sort and they will talk to you confidencially. Finally remember that this will end, it will not go on forever and when it's over and you've come out the other side, you will have grown.
Wishing you all the best, Ema